I look up at him then. His face is pale and strained but his eyes don’t leave mine.
"I swear it," he adds.
I nod weakly. I don’t trust myself to speak.
The weight of everything settles over me all at once. Exhaustion, grief, rage and shame all tangled together.
I press my forehead to my knees and cry until my chest hurts and my throat burns, until there’s nothing left but empty sobs.
Zane doesn’t touch me.
He stays right there anyway.
I stay on the stairs for a long time after the crying stops.
My eyes burn and my head throbs, when I finally lift my head, Zane is still there.
He hasn’t moved. He’s sitting one step below me now, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together like he’s holding himself in place. He looks... wrecked.
I push myself up slowly. My legs feeling weak, but they hold. I wipe my face with my sleeve and take a breath that doesn’t quite reach my lungs.
There’s a thought in my head that’s been circling for a while now. I tried to ignore it, tried to push it away. But it keeps coming back, louder every time.
I look at him.
"Zane."
He looks up immediately. "Yes wife."
My voice comes out rough. "I need you to do something for me."
His brows pull together. "What is it? I’ll do anything."
I swallow.... my throat still feels tight from where his hand was earlier.
"I need you to make me forget," I say.
He goes very still.
"Forget what?" he asks, though I think he already knows.
"Their hands on me." I say quietly. "How it felt, how it still feels."
The words hang there between us.
Zane straightens, shaking his head once. "Elaine...."
"Don’t," I cut in. My voice cracking , but I keep going. "Just listen... please ."
He closes his mouth and watches me.
"I can’t get it out of my head," I say. "It’s always there. In the quiet, In my sleep, I feel it even when no one’s touching me."
My fingers curl into the fabric of my shirt. "I don’t want to think anymore, I don’t want to remember that night or years ago. I just want it gone. Even if it’s just for a little while."
Zane stands slowly but he doesn’t touch me. Not yet.
"You’re asking me to..." He stops and runs a hand through his hair. "Elaine, I need to know you’re not saying this because you’re hurting."
I let out a humorless laugh. "Of course I’m hurting. That’s the point."
He steps closer, but still leaves space between us. "That’s not the answer I want to hear."
I lift my chin. "I’m saying it because I want to. Because I’m choosing it."
VERIFYCAPTCHA_LABEL
Comments
The readers' comments on the novel: Bound to my Enemy