From Rejected Luna To Lycan Queen (Eloise and Edward) novel Chapter 237

Chapter 237 Fear And Vulnerability In The Dark

DAMON.

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I stayed awake for half the night, I was trying to torture her, to make her not disobey me again, but I ended up torturing myself, what was the height of my hardness? How could someone keep getting hard and hard and hard?

It just kept going on, she fell asleep soundly like ten minutes ago, no movement, nothing. Just soft and sweet sounds coming from her alone. I loved it.

I felt like I was going crazy, I needed to sleep this thing off but I couldn’t, I remembered almost letting out what my problem was. My problem was that I hated the fact that sex is all I know. I hate it so much and the funniest thing is that I didn’t even realise this thing until she actually pointed it out.

I didn’t know that we were having so much sex until she told me and when she did, I realised that I was already projecting that part of my life into our relationship which I didn’t want at all. I hate the fact that she felt like that in the first place, and I hated the fact that I made her feel like that.

I would say that I almost hated myself. Struggling with self–hate over what you have no self–control over has to be the most annoying thing in the world. It wasn’t my fault, I didn’t chose ti be like this, but I am, and trying everything not fuck this up because I really don’t know what I’ll do if she sees this ugly side of me and decides to let me go.

What will be the whole point then? I don’t think there will be, so it only makes sense for me to try and do right by her. So if it took me months of torturing myself this way, I will not bring myself to ejaculate. I was punishing myself, I knew it but I had to. To let her know that I meant this, but I had a feeling that I’d have to make her orgasm soon. She needed it.

I was scared of her. Scared of the things she could make me feel, scared that she would hurt me, but I would take every hurt she gives me as long as she doesn’t leave because she has been the best thing to ever happen to me in the long run of my life.

I just want to take her away somewhere and have her all to myself, the thought made me drag her to myself more, breathing her in, my nose was in her neck, every movement I made was affecting me, but I was holding it in. I think this shit will win a Guinness World Record thing.

I almost laughed at the thought of it.

At the end of the day, I needed her and I was self–aware enough to recognise and know that I needed her. So, I will continue to do right by her, she deserves someone who wasn’t a sex addict, someone who didn’t think of turning to sex at every point.

To think this fucked up state of mind almost made me go to rehab, I almost did but then I thought about it, nobody cared about me. I didn’t need to change for anyone, I was only living for myself, but now, I had someone to live and breathe for, and deep down, there was a voice telling me that she cared about me a whole lot and I wasn’t ready to play with that.

I wanted her to continue caring about me, selfishly, like I was the best person for her. I sighed.

Nothing would take her from me, nothing. I said to myself. I will continue this and prove it to her, I had to work for her.

“I won’t let you go,” I murmured. Knowing that she won’t hear me. “I refuse to, and that’s why I have to prove this to you. I have to

let you know that I’m not an addict. I have to let you know that I have more to me than sex so you won’t get tired of me. I’m sorry if I’m a disappointment.” I whispered all these things.

Some weird emotions are hitting me. Remembering the type of childhood! had and how i wanted to live differently but couldn’t because of the situation around me, why was I feeling all these?

1/2

11:04 am

PPP.

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