Maisie
Close your eyes, Bright Eyes. It will all be over soon.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
Die. You should find a cliff and jump off it. Die. The world would be better without you.
Wake up. They need you.
***
My lashes fluttered open to the sound of beeping machines. White fluorescent lights stung my eyes so sharply, I blinked rapidly.
Everything was a blur and when I tried to shield my face from the excruciatingly bright light, I found that I couldn’t move my hands. I couldn’t even feel them.
My mouth was dry as ash and something was sticking out of it. Felt like a tube.
The incessant beeping was destroying my ears. Everything felt too loud. Too close.
The beeping grew erratic.
Footsteps rushed in. A woman with thin framed glasses pushed down her nose leaned over me. "Clarisse," she said, yanking something. A torch light burned into my eye as she forced my eyelid open. "Tell him she’s awake."
Hurried footsteps faded. I must have slipped under again, because the next time I opened my eyes, a different face hovered above mine.
"You’ve cost me a hell lot of money, woman," Gruer said.
My voice came out scratchy and slurred around the tube. "Where am I... what happened... I... can’t move... can’t feel my body."
He glanced down the length of the bed, then back at my face with mild interest, and then, he yawned.
"You broke every bone in your body while being pumped full with ash. It’s like being reverted to being mortal and dropping from that height."
He yawned again. "Ah... what was it again? Something with your spine. You’re positively paralyzed. The doctors are calling it a miracle you didn’t die on impact." He tilted his head. "They’re less optimistic about the walking part. In fact, they’re fairly certain you never will again."
The machines spiked. My chest heaved too fast, too shallow.
"I-I-am p-pa... ra... lyzed?"
"Heh." He shrugged one shoulder. "Could be worse. You could be dead. Like the boy."
The boy?
The memories returned with full force, slamming into me all at once.
Lyon.
His hand keeping me from falling. The desperate look in his eyes as he dangled over the edge. The wet sound of Tessa’s blade tearing into his back again and again. His blood spraying across my face. The way his arms still held on even as his strength failed.
Then the fall. His body wrapping around mine. Twisting.
Oh goddess. Oh goddess. Goddess please no.
Something between a sob and a scream, muffled by the tube in my mouth escaped me. My chest convulsed, but my body stayed useless and still, locked in place while the grief and guilt poured through me like acid.
He should still be alive. He should be somewhere safe, rolling his eyes at Jenny—oh goddess, Jenny—living a life that had nothing to do with me and my cursed existence.

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