Healing Slowly But Surely By R. Joseph novel Chapter 269

269 The wrong bliss.

269 The wrong bliss.

Zevran.

I couldn’t help her.

I couldn’t bring myself to touch her knowing fully well that it was not I that she wanted. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her in fear that I would see what I have lost. What I was missing. Heck, I also didn’t want to see the way she looked at me like I was such a hero when we all knew I wasn’t one.

Her nails dug into my skin as she threw her head back and screamed so loud, it instantly pulled me out of my train of thought, and when I looked down to really look at her, she shivered and said; “Please…” her voice breaking as she tried to croak out the word.

And that alone made my heart feel heavy. It made me sad and hurt, and made me feel a kind of pain I have never felt before. I wanted to reach out to her. To pull her into my arms. Heavens, I wanted to take her pain away but goddess, how could I?

She tugged at me again and this time, I couldn’t help but frown slightly. I whispered; “Huh?”

“Please help me,”

And by the gods, as soon as I heard that, whatever resolve I had left nearly went down the drain. I wanted to help her in the only way I knew how to… wanted to pull her out of this agonizing heat… to make love to her.

To heal her…

But knowing her and how sour the relationship we already shared was, I couldn’t risk losing her trust this way. I couldn’t afford to make her hate me again. Call me selfish, but I didn’t want to lose her more than I have already

lost her.

-I knew damn well that she wasn’t herself and that she would hate me if she

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269 The wrong bliss.

discovered that I’d taken advantage of her vulnerability.

My eyes squeezed shut in agony and I sighed, but just as I was about to move further away from her, her hand shot out to grab my arm, and again my breath hitched when my eyes met her purple ones now swirling with emotions that I couldn’t put a name to.

I grazed my fingers over her cheek, watching the way she squirmed. Her already flushed cheeks flushed even more when her eyes met mine and in a voice barely above a whisper, she drawled; “I want you to touch me.”

Gavin grunted.

And it wasn’t until I heard that sound that I remembered that we weren’t alone. I turned to look at him and at Caelum, and while Gavin was seemingly confused, not knowing whether to ask me to leave or stay, Caelum looked as though he was fighting his demons. And when I say demons, I mean the horny monster trying to eat its way through him.

He chewed on his bottom lip incessantly, squeezing at the bottom of his shirt until his knuckles turned white.

One glance at him and I already knew what he was thinking, so I peeled my eyes away from him and turned to Leilani. “I cannot touch you

inappropriately, Lani. I can only help you through this night,” I said slowly while I cupped her face in my hands.

She frowned slightly as she dug her nails even deeper into my skin until she

drew blood.

Her fingers curled around my skin, igniting my body with a kind of fire that was all too consuming, I feared I wouldn’t survive this night without having my compass broken.

I seethed; “Please let go of me.”

Her eyes flashed with a look that I’ve never seen on her before- desire. It made my throat go dry, made my body convulse even before I could stop it.

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269 The wrong bliss.

My wolf stirred awake and just as it did, my cock bobbed slowly, as if trying to remind me of the easy way out of this mess.

Sex.

“I can walk away,” Gavin said suddenly, as if noticing the tension in the air. But I knew… heavens I knew that if I allowed him to walk out that door, then there was no telling what I could do.

I shook my head so fast, my neck nearly twisted due to the force. I gritted out, “No!”

“Why?” He snapped exasperatedly, “…she needs help. You are the only ones who can really help her. You should be the one-”

“NO!” Caelum and I yelled so loud that Gavin flinched.

His eyes widened slowly and as if suddenly realizing what was indeed happening, that we would never touch Leilani in the way he wants us to, he heaved a sigh and dropped his head, his voice low as he muttered;

“I am scared,”

And I am too. But Leilani would hate me if I did what you’re asking me to do.”

ou don’t have to penetrate her. All you can do is touch her. Intimately but cancel out penetration. She’s in too much pain.”

“I don’t trust myself not to go too far if I should start with her.”

“But I trust you!” He snapped, making my mouth snap shut. “I trust you to be a gentleman. I trust you to do what you can to help her out of this… but I also know that you value your relationship with her so much, you wouldn’t want to go too far.”

Goddess, I didn’t want to do this…

Wait, scratch that, I want to do this. I have dreamt about it for so long, but I never ever wished to do it like this.

“But if you cannot… I won’t force you. I just hope that she…”

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269 The wrong bliss.

“I will.” I snapped quickly, turning to look at Caelum who instantly dropped his gaze and shook his head.

In our mind link, the words; “That will be torture,’ filtered through, but did I listen?

Of course not!

I simply looked at him and shook my head and then scooted even closer to Leilani, squeezing my eyes tightly when she curled her fingers into my shirt and leaned so close, her warm breath tickled my face.

Her fingers traced invincible lines from my face to my collar bone and then back to my face again where it hovered over my lips tentatively.

She moaned; “Kiss me.”

But I’d never dare to kiss her like this.

So instead of doing as I’ve been told, I took her hand in mine and began to

s her knuckles one after the other.

o not know when Gavin slipped out of the room or when Caelum came to join us. All that I knew was that I was fighting my demons, trying so hard not to take this a step too far.

Her hands curled into my hair and when she fisted the hair at the nape of my neck, using it to propel me forward just to plant her lips on mine, I saw stars.

And the moon. Goddess, I even saw the entire fucking galaxy put together!

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