I Forgot I Loved You Alpha (Ellie and Nolan) novel Chapter 195

Chapter 195

“Do you still love him?”

I looked up sharply, caught off guard by the directness of the question. “I… I don’t know.”

The words tasted like a lie, and I dropped my gaze to the desk again.

He waited patiently, as if he already knew I needed space to answer.

“I loved him,” I said finally. “That much I’m sure of. But loving him hurt. He could be so cold, so distant, and I was always afraid of what mood I’d find him in. It wasn’t all bad, there were moments when he was gentle, when he looked at me like I was the only thing keeping him steady. But those moments never lasted.”

“And now?” Alaric asked quietly.

I sighed. “Now he’s different. Softer, maybe. More uncertain. It scares me.”

“Because you don’t trust it?”

I nodded. “Exactly. I don’t know if it’s real, or if it’s just guilt. Guilt will fade with time and if he goes back to who he was before… I don’t know what it means for the boys or for me. They deserve a father, but I’m not sure he’s ready to be one.”

Alaric leaned back, studying me. “Do you think he would ever hurt them?”

It was the same question everyone asked. Would Nolan hurt the boys? The answer was so obvious to me.

“No,” I said quickly. “Never. For all his flaws, Nolan’s not cruel like that. Just… cold.”

“Then what are you afraid of?”

My throat tightened. “That he’ll take them away from me. That he’ll decide one day that I’m not enough.”

The admission came out in a whisper, raw and honest.

Alaric’s expression softened. “You’ve been alone a long time. It’s natural to be afraid of losing what you’ve finally found.”

I nodded, blinking away the tears that burned behind my eyes.

“Tell me about Kieran,” Alaric said after a pause. “Cassian mentioned he’s been spending time here.”

“He has,” I said slowly. “He’s kind. Patient. Charming. The boys like him.”

“But?”

I smiled faintly. “But it doesn’t feel the same. I know that what he wants is strictly political, just an alliance. But when he touches me, I don’t feel… anything. Not the spark. Not the bond.”

Alaric tilted his head. “The mate bond?”

“Yes.” I hesitated, my voice softening. “When Nolan touched me, even when I wanted to hate him, I could feel it. Like a current running beneath everything. It’s not there with Kieran.”

“Sometimes the goddess gives us peace,” Alaric said, “and sometimes she gives us fire. You have to decide which

one you can live with.”

I looked down at my hands again. “Peace sounds easier.”

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“It usually is,” he said gently. “But fire, passion, it can make life worth living.”

That afternoon, I sat in the Royal Hospital, the sterile scent of antiseptic mingling with the faint sweetness of moonflower tea someone had left steeping on the counter.

The nurse drew a vial of my blood and labeled it with my name Elaine Moonstone. Seeing it written out made something twist in my chest.

My real name. My first name.

It was like looking at a part of myself I hadn’t seen in years.

As the nurse stepped out, I sat alone for a moment, fingers tracing the bandage on my arm. The blood test was just a formality, Alaric had said. For the council. For appearances.

But for me, it meant more.

It meant reclaiming what was stolen from me that day in the forest so long ago. My identity, my family, my rightful place, all of-it.

I wasn’t going to be hiding anymore. There would be no doubt left for me or anyone else about who and what I was. I would no longer be a rogue who had somehow become an alpha’s mate. I would be the daughter of an alpha -the inheritor of a great spiritual gift.

And the world would know it.

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