"Are you nervous?" her mother asked for the third time that day, as if she could somehow sense her feelings.
Nervous? Elle thought, feeling the walls of her throat turn rough like sandpaper as she swallowed. She didn’t truly know how she felt at this moment, another night away before her wedding day. If she had been asked this question yesterday, when excitement had still filled her chest, she would have replied no without hesitation. How could she be nervous when she was marrying Eryx, a man who made her curious about the outside world and eager to step into it?
But she dared not tell her mama what worried her now.
So she smiled at her through the mirror, where her mother was fixing and gently combing her hair for the night. "No. Am I supposed to be nervous, Mama? You’ve been asking me this every time your eyes meet mine," Elle said softly, watching her mother’s beautiful face reflected behind her.
Evenly smiled, her gaze resting lovingly on her daughter’s reflection. It felt like only yesterday that she had given birth to her, and now she was preparing to watch her get married. Though her daughter was no longer a little girl and had grown into a woman of her own, she was still her little, delicate flower. And the fact that Elle still looked every bit as delicate as she always had was the reason Evenly fussed so much and wanted reassurance about her feelings before such a big day.
If it were up to her, she would never give her daughter off for marriage, but this was what Elle wanted. She wanted to be like every normal woman out there.
"Every bride gets nervous before her wedding day," her mother said gently. "Though I can tell you’re happy about marrying Eryx, you’ve been awfully quiet this evening. You’ve seemed absentminded ever since you met with him this evening." Her ever-observant mother pointed this out, and it made Elle wonder if there was anything her mother had ever failed to notice about her.
Elle watched her mother run the golden brush through the strands of her long red hair, which fell all the way below her hips, brushing the back of her knees. Wanting to mask the emotions and doubts rising within her, Elle asked quietly, "Mama... how did you know Papa was the right man for you? Were you nervous before your wedding day?"
Her mother’s eyes trembled at those questions, and the hand brushing Elle’s hair paused mid-motion.
For many years now, Elle had never truly been told where her father had gone or if he would ever come back. There were times she doubted she had even had a father at all. But the love and pain that filled her mother’s eyes whenever she gazed at his portrait on the wall of their hall was proof enough that there had been a man, one her mother had loved deeply. Loved enough that, even though he had left them and gone away to another land, she still clung to that love.
For years, Elle had also clung to her love for a father she had never seen. He had sent her letters, written to her as though he truly knew her. But when he suddenly stopped replying, stopped writing altogether, without any explanation, her love for him began to wane. It was hard to hold on to love for someone you had never met, someone whose existence now felt uncertain.
What kind of father abandoned his family and went away to another land? If he truly loved them, shouldn’t he have been here, standing by their mother’s side?
That feeling of abandonment had made Elle angry. Angry enough that she tried not to dwell on the fact that she was getting married and he wouldn’t be present to hand her over to her groom. She also tried not to think about how, once she left for her husband’s home, her mother would be left alone, because Aryen’s presence in the house was barely felt with how much he loved exploring and going around. When you see him at home, then something was wrong, for Aryen was a young man who didn’t like indoors.
Though Elle hated the thought of another man taking her father’s place, a father she barely knew yet still felt loyal to, she wished for her mother’s happiness.
Even though it hurt and tore at her heart, she wished her mother could find someone else, a companion, because being a vampire, her mother still looked as young as Elle herself and carried her youth so effortlessly.
If Elle ever had to choose whose happiness mattered most, it would always be her mother’s. Despite her unwavering loyalty to her absent father, Elle wanted to see her mother fully whole and truly happy.


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