My Cursed Sadistic Alpha Sebastian's Curse novel Chapter 28

28 /29

Athena

My tears were not willing to stop. The burning feeling in my heart did not recede even for the absolute smallest amount at its finest. The torments that they put me through when they were alive did not bother me as much as now, after their death.

I felt so lost. As if there was a big weight hanging over my shoulder, trying to drag me into the ground and let me out again.

They were dead but those memories weren't.

My whole life all I saw got was pain and misery. Never, even for once, I got the chance to smile. It was debatable whether there had been any moments that I had, where I truly felt any sparks of happiness—Maybe, the first and last time was the day when I saw Sebastian for the first time before it all vanished into nothing.

There was only one question I found myself asking to this date...

Why me?

Why it was me against the world? Why it was me who needed to go through all of this pain that broke me, left me so shattered that finding a way to mend myself once again was nearly impossible.

I was so tired of fighting.

Everything was too much to handle—My thought, Sebastian's words repeating inside of my head in a loop, the rise of my heartbeats. It was all just too much.

Would it all end if I die? Would I find peace or would I regret my decision?

I did not know. Like all the unanswered questions that remained somewhere in my head, I did not have the answer to this one too.

I felt being trapped in a fishbowl. There was no way out for me, whenever I thought maybe this would be the end, I was faced with defeat every time.

All I wanted to find was happiness, it was not too much to ask, was it? Neither was it luxury, nor something impossible to obtain. But why in my life it appeared to be the rarest and toughest thing to find?

I wiped my tears for the umpteenth time. I felt so weak and pathetic.

Maybe, what Sebastian said was true— Emotions are the reason for our weakness. They destroy us, ruin us to the point of no return.

But.... they are what keep us alive.

What could I choose? Between living like this where I can only find pain and suffering or choosing to live as the one who can feel nothing, not pleasure, not pain, not any speck of any other feeling, and in short, exist as a living dead?

Maybe it was true, Death was easier than living.

I got off the bed and walked into the shower. This was the second time I was taking a shower. No matter how much I washed myself and scrubbed my skin, for me it felt like my parents' blood was still there on my skin.

Sebastian has only put them on my face but, my entire body felt tainted with dirt.

I hated them. Yes, they were dead now but my hatred for them had not receded for a bit. But the fact that I was responsible for two lives being taken today was not settling in. It all just added to the mix.

They deserved to die. Not everyone deserved a so-called second chance that they blew away most of the time.

And what could even be the chance for such two people who can lose every drop the morality for their own profits?

I faced the shower wall, raising my head and letting the water hit my face and the rest of my body, hoping this would help in washing away each of those awful feelings that made my skin crawl with shame and disgust.

I felt pathetic and weak; There was no denying that I was weak but when did I ever get the chance to heal myself for the better? I was damaged every bloody time I tried to recover.

The cold water glided down my skin causing chills to run down my body. My heart was beating so fast that I could feel it thundering against my skin, behind my closed eyelids there were flashes of the most terrible recollections of my entire life and except for the sound of the water running in the shower, there was something that screamed my helplessness to me and reminded me again and again of my flaws.

The first sob left my mouth and my knees were ready to give up at any time. I covered my mouth behind my hand trying to stop myself from crying, but no gain. I did not have any control over myself whatsoever.

Just when I was on the verge of letting myself fall into overwhelming exhaustion, a hand slid around my waist and stopped me from falling to the floor. I felt myself being pulled into a warm embrace.

His scent wafted into my nose, my back pressed against his solid chest, and he rested his chin on my shoulder as he dragged me even closer.

I did not want to be near him. I just wanted to be alone, by myself.

My sobs went louder and I began trying to get myself out of his hold but all my efforts went in vain. He was unwilling to let me go.

I desperately tried to get away from him, peeling his hands away from around me.

"Shh.." He whispered into my ear, "Calm down."

"Leave me alone, Sebastian," I cried, "Please."

"No," He held me tighter, his tone utterly gentle than usual.

I tried for a few minutes to push him away before the defeat poured all over me and I gave up. My body leaned against his on its own, accepting the support and comfort from him.

Some seconds passed in silence, my heavy breathing began following the unrushed pace of his one, and my heartbeats seemed to adapt to the rhythm of his calm steady heartbeats I could feel.