Lyra
I stomped from the dining hall to my room, the soles of my boots pounding against the stone floor with each angry step. Stomach tight, jaw clenched, I felt like I would burst from the pressure building up inside me.
Every night it was the same, dinner at seven, a rule my father never broke. It was almost as if the illusion of a family meal erased the reality of what he was, what he'd done. He was a monster in a mask of civility, a butcher in a three-piece suit, and I couldn't stomach it anymore.
The door slammed behind me as I entered the room, plunging me into darkness. The last dregs of daylight seeped through the window, casting a faint, fading glow on the wooden floorboards.
A low-lit lamp, which I was certain I had not turned on before I left for dinner, cast long shadows on the walls, dancing across the intricate tapestries hung there.
The soft, golden light of the lamp did little to comfort me, instead only serving to highlight the oppressive darkness that had settled over the room, much like the darkness that had taken up residence in my chest these past few months.
I made for the bed, lost in thought as I replayed the events of the evening, the sharp, biting words that had hung in the air like knives.
"I thought I'd have to come get—" A voice came out of the shadows, startling me.
I jumped hard, heart pounding in my throat as a sharp gasp escaped my lips. "Fuck! What the—"
I turned quickly, hand flying to my chest as I struggled to catch my breath.
Nadia.
The fear bled out slowly, leaving only recognition behind as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the room.
Nadia was always welcome here. She was always here. She was the only person who could ground me, the only person who made me feel like everything would be okay.
But in the moment, it felt like a lie, a strange and uncomfortable lie, as though I had stepped into some alternate version of reality. I couldn't tell if I was imagining it, if it was all just a dream, a dream I would soon wake up from, leaving me back in the nightmare that was my life.
Nadia tilted her head, a look of concern etched across her beautiful features, the flickering light of the lamp casting shadows across her face, making her seem even more ethereal than she usually was. "What kind of question is that? What's going on? You're so tense."
"I'm not tense." I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs, trying to push the feeling of unease back down. I knew I was lying, but I had to believe it, had to keep pretending, for just a little while longer.
"Lyra." Her voice held a note of amusement, but it was tempered by the concern that lingered in her eyes. "Your hands are shaking."
I looked down, startled. She was right. My hands were actually shaking.
I curled my fingers and uncurled them, as though I could force them to calm.
Nadia closed the distance fast, immediately finding my lips with hers.
It was warm and familiar. The scrape of her teeth against my bottom lip made me inhale sharply.
Her hands slid around my waist and up under my shirt, thumbs brushing my breasts. It should have made me catch fire, the way it always did.
But I didn't catch fire.
Something in me wasn't responding, wasn't present the way it always was. My mouth kissed hers back out of habit and training, but beneath it, I was just... there. Not numb, not angry. Just still.
I felt her eyes watching me as I stripped, letting each piece of clothing fall to the floor. The soft clink of metal buckles hitting the stone floor echoed in the quiet room. I tried to ignore the way my skin prickled under her gaze, the distance between us that had somehow grown so wide.
I reached for a shirt in the wardrobe, not caring which one, and tugged it on over my head. The fabric settled against my skin, soft and familiar, a comforting ritual. I turned to face her, but the room was heavy with tension, thick and awkward.
I knew I should say something, apologize or try to explain the strange mood that had been following me lately. But the words stuck in my throat, refusing to come out.
Finally, desperate to break the silence, I gestured at the messy wardrobe with a frown. "Look at this. It's become a disaster. I've been meaning to sort it out for weeks now."
Nadia gave me a stare, but it held no heat in it. "I didn't come here to do your chore for you, I came here to have sexual intercourse with you."
I scoffed. "Intercourse?"
"Yes. Intercourse."
I laughed, it was genuinly funny. "Come on, help me with this."
She sighed but stood, and we faced the wardrobe together under the full light of the room.
I flicked on the main switch, banishing the shadows, and for a moment I was startled to see her. She was stunning in the full glow, and my heart gave an unexpected twist.
I knew then why I hadn't noticed her by scent when I first entered, the room had been too dim. My mind had been somewhere else.
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