My Second Chance Mate is a Barbarian (Sera and Fenris) novel Chapter 453

Lyra

I stepped forward with my hands out. "Nadia. Let's just go home."

She stumbled back from me, a tight frown on her face.

"We have plenty waiting at home," I said carefully. "You can drink as much as you want once we're there."

Nadia shook her head. "No, no. There's a place, it's not far, we could..."

I cut her off. "The ones at home are better."

"No, that one's closer." She pointed off down the path, wide and wild. "We could get some and come right back. Nobody would even notice we'd gone. And the walk would do us good, it's nice out." The words were coming faster now, falling over each other. "It's five minutes. Ten, maybe. We'd be back before you knew it, and then we could sit like Odile said, we could sit as long as you want."

"Nadia." I tried again but she went straight over the top of me.

"And we could get some for Odile as well, she'd like that. And something for Lord Aldous too, after he's come all this way looking for me. That's only decent, isn't it? It's the sensible thing. Let's just go and be back before anyone even..."

My chest went tight watching her. I wanted to put my arms around her and hold her still.

"Nadia," I said, firmer.

She did not hear me. Or she heard me and went on anyway.

"And then we'd have enough for the whole night and nobody would have to go anywhere again, and..."

"Nadia."

"WHAT?!"

I stood frozen. My mind went blank, a cold hollow space where all my words used to be. The sky behind her had gone a deep bruised purple as the last of the light went out of it.

After a long time I finally spoke, and my voice came out hoarse and broken. "We should just..."

I stopped. I could not finish it. I did not know what I should say or what I should do. All I knew was that everything I had done up to that moment had been wrong.

My chest tightened and squeezed the breath out of me until I was gasping to fill my lungs again. I did not notice when the tears started, but I could feel them, cool on my skin and dripping off my chin. They blurred the edges of everything.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I had no idea. I should have..."

I could not finish that either. I should have known. I should have asked. Instead of pouring her another drink and letting her sit there with it all day.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The words kept falling out of me in a broken sobbing rhythm. I moved closer with my arms out and this time, she did not step back. She did not push me away. I put my arms around her and held on tight and pressed my face into her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

She was still, unyielding against me, but I didn't let go. I couldn't. I kept apologising, kept begging, until my voice was raw and barely audible over my sobs. I didn't know what else to do. The only thing I could think was how sorry I was. How sorry I should have been, for all of it. For the whole day.

I kept holding her, kept crying on her shoulder, kept apologising even as the words lost all meaning. I couldn't bring myself to stop. I didn't know if she could hear me. If she even cared.

Then I felt the weight of her hands on my chest and she pushed me gently back off her.

My arms fell limply to my sides. I stared up at her, and a cold dread came seeping into my bones as I saw the look in her eyes.

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