My Stepbrother's Dirty Little Secret novel Chapter 124

Chapter 124

My brain felt like a tangled ball of yarn. I tried to read the data set again, but the numbers blurred into gray smudges.

I needed to be perfect. If I wasn’t perfect, I was nothing. I was just a broken thing taking up space in a house that wasn’t mine.

My hand moved to my bag. It was a reflex now, a habit born from years of learning that there was only one way to clear the fog.

I reached inside and felt for the small weight of the device I kept hidden in the side pocket. My fingers brushed the cold plastic and the twin metal contact points, and I felt a tiny spark of relief just touching it. It was a modified TENS unit, stripped down and dialed up… a gift of sorts from a life I tried to forget.

I pulled it out slowly, keeping it hidden under the long wooden desk.

I remembered it. I remembered the way the world used to get very, very quiet and very, very clear when the pain was sharp enough. It was the only thing that could force my brain to stop spinning. It was the only thing that could make the letters stand still and obey me.

I pressed the metal nodes against the skin of my palm, right below my thumb, and clicked the dial. A small, biting sting flared up my arm.

Not enough.

I moved my hand under the table, lifting the hem of my skirt just an inch. I pressed the device firmly against the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. I gritted my teeth and clicked the button twice, holding it down until the muscle seized and the bite of the electricity began to burn. 1

The fog in my brain didn’t just lift, it shattered.

Suddenly, the buzzing of the lights didn’t matter. The professor’s voice became clear, every word landing with perfection. I looked back at the screen, and for the first time all morning, the letters stopped moving. They sat there, black and obedient on the white background, waiting for me to work.

Risk-Variance. Eastern European Sectors.

I breathed in, the sting in my leg keeping me sharp. It worked. It always worked. Pain was the only language my body understood when it wanted to quit.

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