Perfect Bastard (by Mary D. Sant) novel Chapter 147

Chapter 147: No More Apologies

Chapter 147: No More Apologies

ELLIE

“Is that what you want?” he finally asked, after staying silent for too

long.

“No. It’s not what I want. But… I can’t go on like this… I can’t marry

someone who keeps everything to himself, remember?”

Suddenly standing up, he walked around the desk, approaching until

he stopped in front of me. His closeness was enough to make my

heart race.

Now that he was so close, I noticed his gaze seemed sad and, at the

same time, lost because of the alcohol,

“I’m so sorry…” he said, cupping my face with his hands.

The simple touch made me shiver.

I had missed him.

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Chapter 147: No More Apologies

“I was just trying to protect you. But it seems I can’t do anything

right and always end up hurting you.”

“That’s not true.”

“Don’t try to deny it. I can see the pain in your eyes.”

“I just… miss you,” I confessed, closing my eyes and savoring the

sensation of his touch.

“I’ve always known I didn’t deserve you…” he said, caressing my

cheek. “But we both know I’m too much of a selfish bastard to let you

go.”

“Why are you saying that?”

“I screwed everything up… How can you forgive me so easily?” he

said, pain and remorse etched in his gaze.

“You didn’t do anything. It wasn’t your fault.” I raised my hand to

caress his face, feeling his stubble under my fingers.

“I made you suffer. We lost the baby… All because I wasn’t here with

you.”

His look told me he truly believed it was his fault, and that hurt me

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Chapter 147: No More Apologies

even more than his words.

He had been tormenting himself all this time, even without any

reason for it.

“That’s not true; it could have happened even if you were here. These

things happen. Stop blaming yourself,” I said, yearning to ease his

pain, even if just a little. “If I had lost you… Then yes, I couldn’t go

on.” I confessed, my gaze drawn to his lips, making me want to lean

in to kiss him. “But seeing you pulling away… I didn’t know you

wanted the baby so much. And that… that’s been tormenting me,

making me think you’ve changed your mind about us… that you don’t

want me anymore.”

“No. Don’t you dare think that.”

“Then, if it’s not about the baby, why?”

“It has nothing to do with you, love… I’m sorry for distancing myself.

I just didn’t want to involve you in this… this crap I’m feeling. I don’t

want you to suffer anymore.”

“But I need to know. I need to know what you’re feeling so I can try to

help you.”

“You can’t. You can’t stop me from feeling this.”

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Chapter 147: No More Apologies

“What? Tell me,” I asked, looking deep into his eyes.

He hesitated for a moment, closing his eyes and sighing before finally

giving in.

“I can’t forgive myself… The guilt… it’s eating me up inside,” he

confessed.

It seemed even worse than I imagined. His guilt was profound, and I

could see how much it was tormenting him, dragging him to a dark

place, further and further away from me.

He was allowing the guilt to consume him.

But it wasn’t fair. Not when he told me not to do the same.

He didn’t have the right, not when I was trying so hard to move past

1. it.

“So that’s it? You tell me not to feel guilty, but you let it torment you

like this?” I questioned, feeling a twinge of irritation.

“I didn’t want this to affect you.”

“And you thought distancing yourself, burying yourself in work and alcohol was the best way to do that? That only made me think you

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were giving up on us…” I huffed. “When we’re just weeks away from a

wedding. You don’t have that right… If anyone has the right to

let themselves sink here, it’s definitely not you.”

“I’m sorry, love… Believe me, canceling this wedding is the last thing

I want.”

“Are you sure?” I retorted sarcastically.

“Don’t do this. Don’t fight with me. I just wanted to protect you after

everything you’ve been through.” His hands cupped my face again, in

an attempt to calm me.

I took a deep breath, trying to control my frustration. He deserved a

long lecture, but he was already being consumed by his own guilt in a

worrying way.

“Alright…” I sighed. “But let it be clear that this can’t happen again.

You can’t just pull away when a problem arises. This is something we

need to face together. You can’t carry everything alone. Especially for

something that’s not even your fault.”

“I just need time.”

“Do I need to repeat that I won’t marry a man who keeps all his

feelings to himself and drowns in them?”

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Chapter 147: No More Apologies

“I’ve already told you, haven’t I?”

“Yes, but next time, how about trying without the alcohol?” I shot

back, not hiding the sarcasm.

“I’m sorry…”

“I also want you to stop apologizing. It’s annoying.” I rolled my eyes

with an exasperated sigh.

He nodded, his expression finally changing to something less sad,

almost a smile.

“Alright, no more apologies,” he said, closing the distance between

us, making me press my back against the door. “So, the wedding is

still on?”

“Yes, and you’d better recover quickly because there’s a lot to be

done.”

“I really don’t deserve you,” he murmured, his lips finally curling into

a smile as his hands slid down to my waist.

“You’re too arrogant for me to disagree,” I retorted, wrapping my

arms around his neck.

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“I’m already looking forward to going back to France,” he whispered,

increasing the firmness of his grip on my waist, making the tension

fill the air. “And by the way…” His lips were almost touching mine.

“You look beautiful… And you smell good…” he teased, brushing his

nose against my neck.

“And you look terrible and smell like alcohol,” I whispered in his ear,

making him smile.

“I can’t apologize anymore.”

“Okay… I think I overdid it a bit. You don’t look terrible, just tired…” I

laughed, finally relaxing, being in his arms again. But a part of me was still worried. “I know it won’t be easy, but I’ll do my best to help

you overcome this. I promise.“.

“I don’t want you to worry.”

“You took care of me, even feeling all this… And having you around

was the only thing that made me want to keep going after leaving

that hospital. So, even if it’s hard, please try to do this for us. It’s

what I’m doing.”

He nodded.

“I love you,” he whispered before kissing me.

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A kiss that started soft, with his lips just pressing against

mine, soft and firm. Then, his warmth enveloped me, heating my skin,

and the firmness of his touch made my whole body awaken.

After two weeks, it was as if all the tension was released at once.

Exploding the moment his tongue slid between my lips, meeting

mine.