The Alpha King Marked Me. I Still Haven't Told Him I'm A Girl novel Chapter 113

Chapter 113: One Hundred & Thirteen

Valka

Present.

I feel so much better. Better than I have in... forever.

It’s been three weeks since I lost my mind. In the throes of ’the heat’. Best believe I am one more reminder away from dying from fucking embarrassment. Between the endless sex, arching my ass up in the air and begging to be fucked at every given opportunity, pouncing on him, pouting and crying every time he said no, I couldn’t tell which was going to kill me first. The mortification. Or my pride.

And then, there were the memories.

I’d sobbed the entire night away when I got them back. Hated myself. Felt like shit. Maybe I’ll always feel like shit when I remember everything. But Lucien had been there. I didn’t know how he could still hold me, in spite of everything. I didn’t know how he could still make me feel good about myself.

But if there was anything I took away from it, it’s that I’m not exactly the same person I used to be. Yes, there were different fragments to me. Crazy Lyra, who was a manipulative bitch, strong enough to hold mastery of her powers and create pockets of worlds in my own mind that didn’t even exist. Lyra, who was selfish and never did anything for the sake of anyone but herself. Lyra, who had stalked a man for gods know how long, got him obsessed with her, tried to kill him, failed, and in turn, became equally as obsessed with him as he was with her.

Then there was Valka. The one who had to relearn and reform herself from scratch with nothing to go off of. Valka, who loved her foul-mouthed half-brothers and mourned them. Valka, who knew her ’step-mother’ had tried to get rid of her on several occasions and rid herself of the memory because she didn’t want to see the woman differently. Didn’t know how to hate her. Valka, who no longer knew the way of the blade, but took an armor anyway and went to war for her father. Valka, who loved her father. Valka, who for one second, couldn’t stand Lucien.

There was the the past. And there is now.

I know who I am now. And maybe it’ll be a little difficult to come to terms with who I used to be, but one day at a time.

"Word came from Sir Trenton," Nath says, bringing my attention back to the map. "There are rumors, circulation of a gathered army headed from Silvermoor. An army of... half breeds, to lay siege on us."

Lucien’s thumb runs across his bottom lip. It is an absent gesture, careless, but my pulse jumps with every pass. My focus narrows, stomach twisting, breath stuttering. The sound of my pulse drowns out his voice. That thumb dips lower, pressing against the corner of his mouth, and I want to bite it.

His lips part, tongue flicking briefly against the pad of his thumb. My thighs clench. He isn’t touching me, but my body no longer knows the difference. Every nerve lights up like he is already beneath my skin again.

"Ebonheart is self-sufficient. Has been for centuries. That is not what worries me. An army of half-breeds is a trump card too valuable to be revealed now. And they have been dormant, almost quiet since we made it out. Something’s off..." His words trail off as he looks over at where I sit, all the way across from him.

I avert my gaze abruptly, staring at the figurines on the table. But the scent in the air, my scent, making even Nath shift uncomfortably, glancing back and forth between Lucien and I.

That dark voice slips into my mind. "What on earth are you thinking about?"

I ignore him, but my cheeks are burning red. I have no idea how to behave anymore, now that there is little to no walls left between us. It dawned on me at some point while I’d dressed this morning that I didn’t know how to ’not’ be his adversary. Or how to ’not’ be combative with Lucien. Or how to ’not’ resist. It was instinctual at this point to ignore my feelings or run away from them.

But he’s seen everything, has been in nearly every hole in my body. How do we come back from that? Do I want to come back from that? What is the way forward? Is this the part where I’m supposed to behave like... a wife?

What does that even entail?

Do I talk softly? Smile more? Be nice to him?

I’m afraid ’nice’ doesn’t even belong in my vocabulary.

Do I cook him meals? No. That’s what the servants are for. And I’m fairly certain I’d probably burn down the house.

Do I stop pretending I’m not imagining him on top of me every time his voice drops an octave? Even now, my body recalls what it had been like to be on heat. It’s taking all of my will power not to climb onto the table and crawl to him, grab him by his tunic and shove my tongue down his throat.

Is this what it feels like? Will I always be on some level of ’heat’ around this man?

My senses seem to have taken leave without my permission. My body has become my enemy. It’s like I awoke with a new body--crazy how I forgot to mention that apparently, three weeks of endless fucking and several many positions works wonders for your muscles. Lucien fucked my body into being toned. In three weeks!--and uncontrollable, raging hormones.

If I were a man, I’d be walking around with a boner.

I can’t even look him in the eye!

Nath clears his throat and I sag in relief when Lucien’s gaze finally stops burning holes into my cheeks. "It is more likely that the boy-king knows we aren’t at Ebonheart. And this ’seige’ is an effort to cut off the passes." His fingers drum against the table leisurely. "They’ve been fed information of our plans and the boy-king is trying to separate our forces."

My brows furrow. "But not many knew of our plans."

He has a look on his face. It isn’t a good one. This traitor that has been eluding us is closer than we originally thought. The only people who knew we weren’t with our entourage was the group that were present at the camp that night. And the specifics were narrowed down to Lucien, Trenton and Evadne. Even I didn’t know until we’d left. And I don’t think it was Trenton or Evadne, either.

Lucien nods. "We’ll leave tonight, under the cover of the dark. If they know where we’re headed, then they’ll be headed for the docks to fix a blockade."

Or they were already waiting for us. Still, leaving would be the easy part. But returning... I hope Lucien’s gamble pays off, because returning empty-handed would be walking right into the hands of our enemies. It’d be an execution. For us first, then all of Ebonheart.

Lucien studies the map, the muscle in his cheek ticking as he traces a finger along the southern ridge. "Send word back to Trenton. Tell him to hold the line at the wall front but not to commit the bulk of the forces until he sees their numbers. Have the scouts circle through the Frostvale Pass and report any movement east of the ridge."

All Lucien has to do to get me wet is breathe.

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