The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 131

Chapter 131: 131 | A Consolation Prize Worth Banking

The letter sat on the counter between us, Diane’s manicured nail tapping the section she’d been reading while I’d been busy processing the fact that I wasn’t in the same class as my girlfriend. My bad.

"Lukas."

"Mm?"

"Lukas Belmont, I know you heard me talking."

I had not, in fact, heard a single word she’d said for the last forty-five seconds. But admitting that to Diane Fitzgerald was like admitting to a lion that you were made of steak. You just didn’t do it.

"I was listening, I was just also thinking about—"

Her hand shot out with the speed and precision of someone who had spent two decades managing temperamental Heroes with brand crises and fragile egos. Her thumb and forefinger closed on the upper curve of my left ear in that specific grip mothers reserve for children who have decided that consequences are theoretical. She twisted.

Not hard. Diane Fitzgerald had never once caused me actual physical harm in the nine years I’d lived under her roof. But the pressure was immediate, sharp, and absolutely non-negotiable. I yelped. It wasn’t dignified. It wasn’t quiet. It was the sound a man makes when he remembers, very suddenly, that the woman currently holding his ear had raised a daughter who could detonate concrete with her feelings and had somehow survived the experience with her sanity intact.

"Ow—Diane, okay, okay—"

"When I am speaking to you, sugar," she said in that warm Charleston drawl that somehow made the reprimand worse, "I expect both of those pretty amber eyes pointed directly at me. Not off somewhere in the middle distance doing whatever it is you do when you zone out like that." She gave my ear one final squeeze, just enough to make sure the lesson landed, before releasing me with the kind of grace that suggested she’d never grabbed me at all. "Now. As I was saying, before you decided to take an unscheduled vacation inside your own head."

I rubbed my ear. It was already warm. I was not going to win this.

Sloane covered her mouth, but the laugh escaped anyway. She leaned against the counter with her shoulders shaking, pink ponytail swinging with the force of her amusement at my suffering. Real supportive, babe. Thanks.

〘 Main Quest Complete: Academic Excellence 〙

〘 Final Written Examination Score: Top 7.5% (Third Overall) 〙

〘 Primary Objective Achieved: Top 15% — COMPLETE 〙

〘 Bonus Objective: Top 5% — FAILED (Missed by 2.5%) 〙

〘 Rewards Granted: 500 Scumbag Points. One (1) Silver Gacha Pull Ticket. 〙

〘 Bonus Rewards: Forfeited. The margin was close. The System acknowledges this with something approaching sympathy. Approaching. Not arriving. 〙

Third overall. Out of fourteen hundred applicants. Out of the forty who actually got accepted into the Hero Course, I’d placed third, which put me in the top seven and a half percent of the entire applicant pool. Two and a half percentage points from the bonus tier. Two and a half points from an extra three hundred SP and a Gold pull with selection.

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