The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 18

Chapter 18: 18 | Fool Me Once, Shame on the Scumbag System

〘📋 SIDE QUEST COMPLETED

No Pain, No Gain

Description: The host body is no longer a complete disgrace. Acceptable baseline parameters achieved.

Rewards:

One (1) Random Skill Pull Ticket (Guaranteed Rarity: E ~ B)

+10 Stat Points

Claim Rewards? 〙

I grinned, quickly tapping YES on the floating interface only I could see.

〘 Rewards claimed. Processing... 〙

The stat points slipped into my body without pain this time—just a warm sensation spreading through my limbs, like slipping into a hot bath. Nothing like the bone-breaking agony of my first stat allocation.

〘 +10 Stat Points distributed according to optimal growth curve:

STR: 17 → 19 | AGI: 18 → 20 | DEX: 19 → 22

INT: 17 → 18 | END: 21 → 23 〙

Nice. The system clearly favored DEX and END over raw power—makes sense for someone with my build. I wasn’t going to out-muscle anyone with an Aspect, but I could outlast them and hit with precision.

Now for the main event.

〘 Processing Pull Ticket... 〙

The interface swirled with light, pixels dancing across my vision like a private fireworks show. This was it—my reward for ten grueling sessions of being Sloane’s personal punching bag. The gacha animation started spinning faster, colors blending into a kaleidoscope that only I could see.

"Come on," I whispered, fingers crossed. "Papa needs something better than ghost arms."

〘 Pull complete. Displaying results... 〙

The light coalesced into a shimmering card that rotated in my vision with all the production value of a five-star drop. The edges caught the light. Particle effects traced elegant spirals around its border. The System had never bothered with this level of polish before—my previous pulls just appeared as flat text notifications. This one had music.

"Oh shit," I breathed. My pulse kicked into high gear. This was it. The big one. Epic at minimum. Maybe Legendary. The animation budget alone told me the System thought this was important.

I watched the card complete another slow rotation. "Fire fists. Lightning. Time dilation. Teleportation. Hell, I’ll take super strength that doesn’t make me look like a gym rat."

My grin stretched wider. "Come on lady luck don’t let me down!"

The card hung in the air for one more beat, milking the moment for everything it was worth. Then it flipped with the dramatic flair of a game show reveal.

Glowing letters materialized across its face.

〘 Congratulations! You have acquired: [Dampen] — Trash Rarity

Type: Active

Description: Upon physical contact with an object, user may render the surface slightly moist, as if exposed to mild condensation. No other properties are affected. 〙

I stared.

Then I kept staring.

"You’re fucking kidding me." I stared at the floating text. "That’s it? That’s the whole skill? I can... make things damp?"

〘 Correct. You now possess the ability to generate a small amount of moisture on any surface you touch. 〙

"But what’s the point? What does it do?"

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