The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 246

Chapter 246: 246 | My Chip Zone is Sacred Ground [GT BONUS]

The cafeteria at twelve-fifteen on a Monday operated at a different register than the sleepy weekend version I’d visited two days ago. Every table occupied. Every food station running at full capacity. The sushi chef moved behind his counter with the focus of someone performing surgery on tuna, and the ramen station had a line that snaked past the Mediterranean counter and wrapped around the salad bar like a siege formation.

I loaded my tray with Korean BBQ short ribs, a bowl of tonkotsu, two gyoza, and a bread roll that looked suspiciously artisanal for institutional dining. The cafeteria’s commitment to making its students eat well bordered on the psychotic. I’d had worse food at restaurants that charged four times what Halloran’s meal plan cost, and those restaurants didn’t come with a bathhouse and an apartment bigger than my entire previous life’s living room.

"Over here! Lukas!"

Felicity’s voice carried across the cafeteria with the volume and clarity of someone who had never once worried about being too loud in a public space. She stood on the balls of her feet near a long table by the south-facing windows, waving with an enthusiasm that turned several heads and made the two guys sitting at the adjacent table forget what they were eating mid-chew.

I couldn’t blame them. The Halloran uniform on Felicity was doing something that the designer probably hadn’t intended but definitely should have anticipated. The white fitted shirt sat tight across her chest where the top two buttons remained casually undone, showing the ridge of her collarbone and the faintest suggestion of pink lace beneath the cotton. Her charcoal blazer hung open, and the skirt stopped high enough on her thighs that every time she shifted her weight from one platform-sneakered foot to the other, the hem rode up another quarter inch. Blonde hair in a loose side ponytail, collar pin catching the noon sun through the windows, freckles visible even from twenty feet away.

Ecchi Logic hummed in the background of reality like a bass note I couldn’t turn off.

I walked over and dropped my tray beside hers. Percy already occupied the seat on my left, his notebook open next to a meticulously arranged plate of grilled chicken breast, steamed vegetables, and brown rice portioned into what appeared to be nutritionally optimized quadrants. Percy had apparently decided that lunch was a data input problem and solved it accordingly.

"You’ve been sitting for forty-seven seconds," Percy said without looking up. "The ramen will reach suboptimal temperature in approximately nine minutes at current ambient conditions. I recommend beginning consumption immediately."

"Percy."

"Yes?"

"Eat your chicken."

He ate his chicken.

Caden materialized from somewhere in the food court chaos and dropped into the seat across from me with a tray that contained nothing but three slices of pizza and an energy drink. No salad. No protein supplement. No acknowledgment that the cafeteria contained approximately forty other food options ranging from hand-pulled noodles to nitrogen-flash-frozen ice cream. Just pizza and caffeine, the dietary philosophy of a man who had made his peace with mortality.

"Gentlemen." He raised the energy drink in salute. "Lady." A nod toward Felicity. "And Percy."

"I am also a gentleman," Percy said.

"Percy, you brought a ruler to measure the distance between your plate and the table edge. You’re in a category all your own."

Marco claimed the seat beside Caden, carrying a tray with an impressive quantity of tacos and what appeared to be an entire basket of chips. Despite standing only five-three, Marco ate with the intensity of someone three times his size, and the logistics of how he packed that much food into that frame remained one of the early mysteries of Class 1-B.

"Move your elbow, you’re in my chip zone," Marco said, shoving Caden’s arm two inches to the right.

"Your chip zone is an imaginary construct."

"My chip zone is sacred ground and you will respect it."

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