The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 440

Chapter 440: 440 | The Boyz Day Experience [CASTLE BONUS]

Finn Walsh leaned against the gate’s right pillar with the boneless structural integrity of a person held together by apathy and invisible filament rather than conventional skeletal tissue.

His warm brown hair fell across half his face, his brown eyes carried the permanent suggestion that he was two minutes from falling asleep, and his outfit consisted of a loose grey t-shirt, joggers, and shoes selected for comfort rather than any coherent aesthetic principle.

Invisible threads drifted between his fingers in geometric patterns that his hands produced on autopilot while the rest of him committed fully to existing as little as possible.

"Nah man, that’s cool, that’s cool." Finn’s voice arrived at the pace of continental drift. "Good morning. Or whatever."

"It’s eight twenty."

"Aggressive."

Marco Vidal stood between Eden and Caden with a bag of chips already open and a yellow energy disk flickering lazily between his fingers, the glow catching the morning light and illuminating the small scar on his left cheek.

He was, as always, the shortest person in any formation and the least bothered by this fact. His dark glossy hair sat in a state of managed chaos, and his warm brown eyes tracked the group with the amused assessment of someone who had already decided today would be entertaining and was simply waiting to collect evidence.

"Yo, Belmont." Marco tossed him a chip that Lukas caught on instinct. "You look like somebody who needs to eat something that isn’t optimized for protein synthesis."

"I eat things that aren’t protein."

"Ramen doesn’t count. Ramen is a personality trait at this point, dude."

Caden produced his phone with theatrical grandeur and held it up so the screen faced the assembled group. An Uber confirmation glowed against the morning light. "Gentlemen. Our chariot arrives in six minutes. Destination is loaded. Nobody ask where we’re going."

"Where are we going," Finn said without inflection.

"I literally just said don’t ask."

"Nah I heard you. I just don’t follow instructions I find unreasonable."

"The destination is a surprise because surprises build camaraderie." Percy stood at the edge of the group with his notebook open, already documenting arrival times. "Holt and I scouted the location Wednesday evening between seventeen hundred and eighteen forty-five. I confirmed the venue’s safety rating, fire code compliance, and Yelp reviews averaging four point three stars across two hundred and seventeen assessments."

"Percy reviewed Yelp." I let that sentence sit in the air where it belonged. "Percy Mendoza, the man who analyzes insurance regulatory frameworks for fun, spent time reading Yelp reviews."

"Yelp reviews contain statistically significant data about establishment quality when controlled for reviewer bias." Percy’s pen moved across the notebook page. "I developed a weighting algorithm that accounts for review length, recency, specificity of complaints, and correlation between one-star reviews and documented health code violations."

Marco put a chip in his mouth and chewed with purpose. "Dude, that’s the most Percy thing I’ve ever heard, and yesterday you timed how long it took the elevator to open within the margin of error."

"Three point seven seconds. Plus or minus point two." Percy did not look up from his notebook. "Consistency matters."

"It does." I grabbed another chip from Marco’s bag uninvited. "Fine. Surprise destination. Six guys, one Uber. Nobody gets arrested. Nobody uses their Aspect in public. Nobody tells Steele."

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