The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 444

Chapter 444: 444 | Hero’s Edge and Other Catastrophic Miscalculations [CASTLE BONUS]

The Uber pulled into a parking lot that answered every question I hadn’t asked and generated fourteen new ones, each worse than the last.

The building squatted in the far corner of a strip mall whose other tenants included a nail salon advertising gel manicures in four languages, a tax preparation office that looked like it had been closed since 2019, and a store that appeared to sell exclusively phone cases for models of phones that no longer existed.

The structure itself was two stories of aggressively windowless black paint topped with a neon sign that read HERO’S EDGE in electric purple script. Below that, in smaller pink letters pulsing with the kind of enthusiasm that suggested the sign installer had been paid per watt: VERANO’S PREMIERE HERO-THEMED ENTERTAINMENT VENUE.

Between the two lines of text, a silhouette of a woman in a cape struck a pose that had nothing to do with actual heroism and everything to do with a completely different genre of physical performance. The cape was the only piece of her costume that looked regulation.

The parking lot contained six cars. Three of them had expired tags visible from here.

It was nine fourteen in the morning on a Saturday in a strip mall parking lot in front of what was unambiguously a strip club with a hero gimmick.

Nobody spoke. The silence stretched through four full seconds, which represented the longest uninterrupted quiet Caden Holt had produced in recorded history.

I reached forward and smacked him on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Caden’s hand flew to the impact site as he whipped around in the passenger seat, his hazel eyes carrying the wounded confusion of a golden retriever who had just been told that the park was actually a veterinary appointment. "What was that for?"

"You brought us to a strip club, Caden." I gestured through the windshield at the neon sign, the silhouetted cape woman, and the parking lot that contained fewer vehicles than a graveyard on a Wednesday. "At nine in the morning. On a Saturday."

"It’s a hero-themed entertainment venue."

"It’s a strip club with capes."

"Those are different things!"

"How are those different things?"

"Branding!" Caden pointed at the sign with the earnest conviction of someone presenting evidence at trial. "It says entertainment venue right there on the building. Entertainment venues are open all the time. Like bowling alleys. Like arcades. Like Dave and Buster’s where you can win tickets for doing activities. I thought these places ran twenty-four seven!"

He paused. The Uber’s interior processed this statement through six separate cognitive filters.

"I’ve never been to a strip club," Caden added, which was somehow worse than if he had stopped talking.

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