The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 567

Chapter 567: 567 | The Best I’ve Got

"I’m not grading." Diane’s fingers traced lazy patterns on Sloane’s spine. "I’m providing feedback. There’s a difference."

"There really isn’t."

"Sugar, I run a PR agency. Feedback is how people improve. Would you rather I lied and said that first attempt was your best work?"

Sloane lifted her head just enough to glare at her mother. Her pink hair was a disaster, stuck to her forehead with sweat, and her cheeks still carried that post-orgasm flush that made her look younger than seventeen. "I would rather you not be here at all while I’m trying to have sex with my boyfriend."

"And yet here we are." Diane stretched like a cat in a sunbeam, completely unashamed of her nakedness. "Besides, you invited yourself into my room. I was perfectly happy with my two hours."

"You went forty-three minutes over."

"I went until I was satisfied. Different metric entirely."

I lay there with Sloane’s weight on my chest and Diane’s hand on my arm and wondered, not for the first time, how my life had become this. Eighteen months ago I was a transmigrant in a dead kid’s body with no Aspect and no prospects. Now I had a System that rewarded me for making powerful women fall in love with me, a spot at the world’s most prestigious hero academy, and apparently a standing invitation to threesomes with my girlfriend and her mother.

The System had a sense of humor. A deeply fucked up one, but a sense of humor nonetheless.

Sloane rolled off me and flopped onto her back between Diane and me, staring at the ceiling. "I can’t believe you taught me how to ride dick. That’s not normal mother-daughter bonding."

"Would you prefer scrapbooking?"

"I would prefer not having this conversation."

"Too late." Diane propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at both of us with an expression that carried equal parts affection and mischief. "Besides, who else was going to teach you? Certainly not whatever inadequate fumbling you would have figured out on your own. I’ve seen the search history on the household router."

Sloane’s entire face went red. "You said you didn’t look at that."

"I said I respected your privacy. Those are different statements."

"Mom!"

I laughed, which earned me a punch to the shoulder from Sloane. It didn’t hurt. Nothing hurt anymore, not really, not with the Pain Tolerance trait doing its work underneath everything. But I flinched anyway because that was what boyfriends did when their girlfriends hit them for laughing at inappropriate moments.

"Don’t encourage her," Sloane said.

"I’m not encouraging anyone. I’m lying here minding my own business."

"You’re lying there looking smug."

"I just had two beautiful women take turns riding me. Smug is the appropriate facial expression."

Diane’s laugh was low and warm. "He’s not wrong."

"He’s always wrong. It’s his default state." Sloane turned her head to look at me, and underneath the annoyance I felt something softer through the bond. Relief. Gratitude. The bone-deep certainty that I was alive and breathing and here with her. "You almost died, you know."

"I’ve been informed."

"Multiple times."

"Also informed."

"And the first thing you do when you get home is fuck my mother."

"Technically she fucked me. I was instructed to lie still and let her take care of things."

Diane made a sound of agreement. "He’s a very good listener when properly motivated."

Sloane covered her face with both hands. "I hate both of you. I hate this entire situation. I hate that I’m lying naked in my mother’s bed after watching her demonstrate proper cowgirl technique." 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝘦𝘸𝑒𝒷𝓃ℴ𝑣𝘦𝑙.𝒸ℴ𝘮

"The hip circles were important," Diane said. "You were bouncing like you were trying to win a pogo stick competition."

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