Welcome to Hell (by Williane Kassia) novel Chapter 202

I’m as bad as he is.

Maybe worse.

Maybe I deserve this suffering. Maybe this prison and this crazy boy

beside me are a type of mirror of what I truly am.

But abuse… Abuse is something else. It’s unforgivable. It’s a mark

that doesn’t wash away, that isn’t covered by power or blood.

I close my eyes, but the thought remains, burning in my head. I’m a

monster complaining about another monster. A predator that can’t

stand being hunted.

But my body betrays my mind. The pleasure I felt in that moment was

too overwhelming. It’s not acceptance, it’s not forgiveness. It’s a

wound that still bleeds. And I wonder… Is it really that good to be

passive?

I don’t want to think about sex now. That’s not what I’m looking for.

What tortures me is something else: what happens to me if I, one day, decide to give in?

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Chapter 202

I let out a long sigh, the sound echoing low in the cell. I turn my head

slowly, going back to staring at Adrian’s sleeping face. He looks like

an ordinary boy sleeping, breathing slowly, with a calm expression.

For a moment, I almost forget who he is and who I am.

With an effort, I prop my hands on the mattress and sit up. The pain

in my buttocks still throbs–less intense than yesterday, but present. I

make a slow, measured movement so as not to wake him, slide out of

bed, and walk naked to the shower.

I turn the handle; the hot water falls over me, running down my

shoulders, relieving the tension in my muscles and the pain that still

stings. I close my eyes, letting the water run as if it could wash away

the thoughts corroding me.

But they stay.

I think about whether I truly deserve to accept Adrian’s love. I think

about what I’m doing. I am going to try to like him, yes, because I

know I cannot win. I know there is no way out. This is the only option

left for me.

And yet… I’m afraid. Afraid that if I really like him, he’ll end up

getting tired of me. Even if it seems impossible now, I know this kind

of instability; I’ve lived it. If he heard my thoughts, if he noticed my

doubts, I’m sure he would hit me again.

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Chapter 202

He needs to understand that all of this is new to me. I’ve never been

passive. I never contemplated, not for a second, being in this position.

I never thought about liking someone, let alone loving. I always

focused on the power I had, on how to keep the entire prison under

my control.

Now I have no power. I have nothing. What is left for me is to learn.

To learn to like someone. To learn to look at Adrian in a different

way, no longer as a monster.

And that scares me.

I’m afraid of becoming crazy like him. Afraid that, in the end, he’ll

stop loving me. And what will be left of me then?

I let out another tired sigh, letting the hot water hit the back of my

neck, trying to dissolve this weight. But I know that no matter how

hot the water gets, no matter how deep I breathe, this knot inside me

won’t untie anytime soon.

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