Wolf Princess Sold to the Dragon King novel Chapter 374

Chapter 374: Deviated Septum Domestication & Penile Postal Punishment

Once upon a time there was a mage named Brennan Pike, whose dating history would confound philosophers and historians alike. He would be the first to tell you that he ignored red flags like his brain was on strike and hindsight only shows up when it damn well likes.

He was also under the influence of potions and curses.

Yes, you read that right.

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THE EMMA ELDRITCH EXPERIENCE

EARLY RED FLAGS: The Three D’s Of Don’t Date That

1) Delusional Date’s Draft of Doom:

Save-the-date invitations after their first date. Mr. and Mrs. Pike. She told him it was a joke. She had three hundred made. That should have been a red flag the size of Velkaris.

2) Deviated Septum Domestication:

She cursed him so that anytime he mentioned a female name, he full-body sneezed like he was having an exorcism. It was meant to be funny, Brennan, she swore. That should have been the confirmation he needed that this bitch was crazy.

3) Demonic Dollhouse of the Damned:

Voodoo dolls lined her shelves. Heads ripped off most. Her exes had their own pile. Romantic, really. That should’ve been the moment he faked his own death. Alas, it was not.

HELL’S HIGHLIGHT REEL: The Four H’s of the Horsemen Apocalypse

1) Homicide Hoodwink:

Faking a near-death mid-argument. She dropped. Veins turned black. Gasping for air. Brennan poured every drop of magic he had into her, thinking he pulled her back from Satan’s waiting room. Two-week coma followed. Guilt ate him alive. Post-breakup he found out she faked that shit. She’d chugged a potion to make it look like she was dying, followed by coma method acting for two goddamn weeks.

2) Hired-Hostage Heist:

An entire goddamn abduction with a bounty. Brennan was outnumbered fifty to one, trying to protect her. He was put in warded cuffs and watched the abductors take her. He spent the next forty-eight hours losing his shit until he rescued her. Post-breakup he found out she’d hired them, given notes, and complained when they were five minutes late.

3) Hellfire Hoax: 𝗳𝐫𝚎𝗲𝚠𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝘃𝚎𝗹.𝗰𝗼𝗺

Joint siege contract. Mid-takeover the Keep decided to become a bonfire. Magic would not work to extinguish it. Brennan ran through flames to rescue her. Third-degree burns. Post-breakup he found out from one of the other contractors on the job that Emma did it. Everyone was in on it except for him.

4) Horizontal-to-Hostile:

Fainting dramatically on a weekly basis. Usually in public. Always during an argument. Once after a fake pregnancy bomb when he tried to speak to her about the sneeze curse. From stress. It’s all too much, she would say. Brennan would scoop her up and like clockwork, she would start bitching mid-bridal-carry forgetting she was supposed to be unconscious.

SATAN’S GASLIGHTING ARC - The Two S’s of Self-Rescue

1) Screw and Scrub:

THE BREAKUP - The Three P’s of Post-Relationship Persecution

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