Nikki is right where she told me would be.

She has a blanket spread out on the grass and I can’t help but love how careless she is about it. She’s basically having her own little picnic during lunch and she looks good doing it.

“Hey,” I wave as I walk toward her.

She lifts her head, her bright smile spreading across her face. “Hey! How are you?”

“I’m good.”

“Come, sit.” She makes room for me, crossing her legs as she takes a bit from her sandwich. “I was wondering if you were going to come find me today.”

The blanket is soft underneath my legs. “Ugh, I did not want to spend my lunch being harassed by Zaid. Being with you is one hell of an upgrade.”

Her eyes widen. “Did he spend lunch with you?”

I look away, wondering if I should tell her about what happened with him yesterday. About the scars he has and how much guilt he hoards in his eyes. I choose to go for a lighter retelling of events.

I nod, running my hands down my face. “Unfortunately, and then it took me the rest of the day to get rid of him.”

She pretends to shudder. “Zaid scares me.”

I frown. “Scares you? He’s a annoying and a bit intense, but I don’t know if I would say he’s scary.”

Nikki swallows the bite in her mouth. “I don’t know. He was in juvie last year, he’s a super senior and there’s enough rumors about him being spread around the school that I wonder if all of them have some part of truth in them.”

“Is one of them that he slept with Mr. Admas’ wife?”

Nikki coughs, choking on her water.

“Sorry,” I mutter.

“I remember when the entire school was buzzing about that. Who told you?” She frowns, wiping the water from her chin.

“Zaid.”

“He told you himself?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh, weird.” She shrugs, lifting an eyebrow as she takes another bite.

“Why?”

“He doesn’t usually talk about that stuff to anyone. He’s honestly kind of quiet. He usually sulks in a corner and keeps people at arms length.”

It reminds me of me and I clear my throat, my voice breaking as I ask, “Do you know why he’s like that?”

Nikki frowns, “He’s kind of always been like that, but I guess you could say things got worse when his mom died.”

I nod, understanding the catastrophic consequences of losing a parent. It would be enough to make anyone go crazy. “Maybe you judge him too harshly.”

Nikki tilts her head, her eyebrows twitching as if she wants to frown.

“I lost my dad. I kind of get how losing a parent would make you want to keep the entire world at arms length,” I try to smile at the end of my sentence, but all I feel is the pull of the tears that build up at the back of the eyes, the sting in my nose as I hold back my emotions.

Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. “Omygosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t meant that he — It’s just, I’ve known him a long time and I never — I’m sorry.”

My smile trembles as I turn to her, “It’s okay. It’s better that you don’t know what it feels like to lose a parent.”

“I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to sound insensitive,” She chews on her lip.

Why? Why? Why?