317 Ava: Mindscape
Diving into my bond with Selene is like falling into warm clouds. It’s an odd feeling to enter a mental space, but she draws me in naturally, her expertise in this space far outstripping mind.
It’s as if my body is separate now, almost a distant memory.
I can’t feel the air on my skin. Can’t feel the ground I’m sitting on. Even the weight of Selene’s body against mine is gone.
There’s no smell here.
It isn’t even accurate to describe this place as darkness.
It’s just–void.
This isn’t a place of physical senses, but something else. An energy of the mind, with its own
ent that ebbs and flows.
As I sink deeper, initial comfort gives way to a maelstrom of emotions so intense, so raw, that I nearly lose myself in them. It’s as if I’m drowning in a sea of feelings that aren’t entirely my own. yet resonate within me on a primal level.
I want to rage at the fleeting memory of my mate rejecting our fate.
I want to cry as I die alone, the last of my pack.
I’m suffused in wonder as my eyes open to a new life.
Panic. Longing. Frustration. Love. They crash over me, intense and impossible to control, coming and going in such fleeting moments that I can’t hold my own.
As soon as I recognize a memory as not mine, it’s gone, replaced by another that drowns me in
how real it feels.
Focus, Ava, Selene’s calm voice cuts through the chaos. Let me guide you. Focus on the bond between us. You’re drowning in my memories.
The bond between us has a sort of glow that doesn’t exist in the real world. Something I can see with my mind’s eye, despite there being nothing here.
She steers me through the tumultuous sea. Gradually, I begin to discern a pattern in the chaos, a rhythm that pulses with a familiar energy.
His wolf.
The moment I recognize it, his presence slams into me. Old memories mix with new. Selene’s fury mix with her mild exasperation. Her desire to tear out his throat has me raging, wanting-
Ava.
Her voice steadies me, buffers me from the memories. But this time, the frantic energy of his wolf engulfs me, a whirlwind of recognition, joy, and desperate frustration. He knows me. He sees me as his mate, his other half. But there’s an underlying current of anxiety, a maddening sense of incompleteness.
317 Ava Mindacapa
He’s half feral already.
Mate, the wolf whines. Here but not here. Why?
The anguish in that simple question breaks my heart. I want to reach out, to comfort him, but I don’t know how.
Selene yanks at my mind, dragging it with her as we go deeper.
Bloodlust rises, but it isn’t as intense now.
I’m buffering you, she says, her mental voice strained. The hope of being reunited has incited. sort of madness in him. Just focus on me. Push away what doesn’t belong to us.
I try to heed her advice, but it’s like navigating through a storm with my eyes closed. The wolf’s emotions buffet me from all sides, each one a vivid burst of sensation. His frustration at being separated from Lucas is so intense that it’s almost a physical ache, despite not having a body in this space.
And then, suddenly, I hit a wall.
It’s not a physical barrier–nothing is truly physical in this mental landscape–but it might as well be. One moment I’m swimming through a sea of emotions, and the next, I’m brought to an abrupt halt. It’s like trying to push through solid stone with my bare hands.
This is it, Grimoire’s voice echoes in my mind, startling me. I’d almost forgotten about him in the intensity of the experience. This is the barrier we need to break.
Gather your magic, Ava. Let it flow through you, through Selene, through the bond. All you need to do is weaken this place. Selene and his wolf will do the rest.
Is it strange to suddenly fixate on how his wolf has no name?
Not now, Ava. Selene’s words are calm, though strained. Hurry.
It’s disorienting, existing in this place of pure sensation. There are no visual cues to ground me, no physical sensations to anchor me to reality. Just emotions, energy, and the vague sense of
presence.
I reach for my magic, trying to summon that familiar warmth, but it’s not there. It just doesn’t
exist.
“I can’t I say, frustration building. “I can’t find it. It’s not… it’s not there.”
I’m speaking, but is it coming from my body or my mind?
I can’t tell.
I think it might be in
my head.
It exists, Grimoire insists. You’re just looking for it in the wrong way. It’s in your very essence. Focus on your own feelings, Ava, Selene’s voice cuts through the chaos. Find what’s distinctly yours in this sea of emotions.
I take a deep breath–or at least, I imagine I do. Her words anchor me, giving me a direction.
317 Ava Mindscape
concentrate on that feeling, letting it fill me up. The warmth of his smile, the strength in his arms, the way his eyes light up when he looks at me. Even with his memories gone, there’s still that spark between us. That connection that defies explanation.
As I focus on these thoughts, something shifts in the emotional landscape around me. It’s subtle at first, like a ripple in still water. Then I feel it–a gossamer thread, delicate yet unbreakable, stretching out into the void.
Our bond.
I reach for it, my nonexistent hands grasping at nothing and everything. The moment I make contact, it’s like touching a live wire. The bond jumps, almost as if startled by my presence. It pulses with life, with recognition.
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