Chapter 127
I check myself in the mirror, making sure I look good. I have a white dress on with small baby blue flowers on it. It is a tie- strap maxi dress that I don’t remember buying. There are many pieces of clothes that are in my closet that seem unfamiliar to me. I like them though. Something about them tells me that my style hasn’t changed much during the past two years, but it has somehow gotten better. I’m glad that something still feels the same, because I’m tired of discovering new things about myself.
I hate how a lot of things seem foreign and the fact that not a single piece of memory has come back to me is really frustrating. I sometimes feel like I want to break down, but I’m doing my best to hold myself together. I’m trying to remind myself to be grateful for making it out of the accident alive, but it is getting hard. So hard. I don’t know what I am supposed to do anymore.
Everest has been texting me lately, urging me to enjoy what I have and forget about my memory loss. He has even taken me out once and I have to say, I truly enjoyed myself with him. I liked how for a little while, I was able to disconnect from all that I had been thinking about. Even though I have known Everest during the two years I cannot remember anything about, something about him puts me at ease. Perhaps it is because he doesn’t try to push me to remember like everybody else.
But while Everest hasn’t been trying to shove any memory down my throat, he has been trying to get me to stop thinking about what has happened, which isn’t easy at all. I know that he means well, but how am I supposed to simply forget about two years of my life? How am I supposed to give up on them? Part of me is missing. There’s this hollow feeling that a lot of people don’t seem to get, and I don’t know how to make them understand.
Silas told me yesterday to dress nicely and if I wanted to wear a dress, I could do that. This is why I have put on this dress. I style it with sky-blue flats since I cannot wear heels. I want to get rid of the cast. My leg has been feeling itchy and I want to get rid of it as fast as possible.
At least my scratches have healed, and my bruises have faded.
When Silas messaged me yesterday, telling me that he wanted to take me on a date, I was a bit hesitant at first before agreeing. My thoughts are all messed up and I don’t want to lead him on. I don’t want him to get hurt because of my inability to remember our relationship.
I make my way downstairs after I finish getting ready and wait for Silas in the living room. I find my mum downstairs and I remember that it’s Saturday. Ever since I was young, my mum has always made sure to keep Saturdays and Sundays for the family to bond. We don’t all need to be there, but she has made it clear throughout the years that she was always going to be there for us whenever we needed her.
“You look beautiful.” She widely smiles at me as I take a seat beside her.
“Thank you.” I kiss her cheek. “Do you remember when I bought this dress? I found it in my closet, but I don’t remember getting it.”
“I got it for you when I went to Spain almost a year ago, but I think you haven’t worn it before. It looks stunning on you though.” I don’t know why I feel relieved whenever I ask anybody about something I cannot remember, and they end up. answering me.
“Silas is taking me on a date,” I tell her, and her smile gets brighter. It is no secret that my parents love Silas. They have always loved him.
“But you don’t seem too excited about it,” she points out and I look down You do know that if you don’t want to go on a
date you don’t have to do it, right?”
“I know, but I also want to remember what we once used to have. How am I supposed to remember if I’m keeping myself away from him?” I give her my reason. “You know,” I continue, “he told me once that he had always had feelings for me and I kind of find that hard to believe.”
“You didn’t notice that before, but your father and I have always been aware of his feelings for you. He has always loved you in his own way,” she tells me. “Stop thinking about the period you cannot remember for a while. Try to think about how he
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used to treat you for as long as you have known him whenever you were upset. Remember what he had done for you when you found out your boyfriend was cheating on you.”
I remember what he has done. The way he kept comforting me until I calmed down is glued to my memory.
“I know that you’re confused and you’re not sure of anything, which is totally normal. Don’t be hard on yourself and just go with the flow. And I don’t want you to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do,” Mum advises me, and I slowly nod.
Maybe I do need to go with the flow. Perhaps this is the best option for now.
While I’m talking to Mum, the doorbell rings. I know that this is Silas. He is very punctual. I turn around when the sound of his footsteps become more audible and I have to admit that he looks absolutely handsome. He is dressed in white jeans and a dark blue shirt.
I smile at him as I attempt to stand up on my own. I can do it, but it takes me time. However, Silas, being the gentleman he is, doesn’t let me struggle and rushes to help me stand up.
“You look gorgeous,” he says, kissing my cheek as he places his hand on the small of my back.
“You look good, too,” I tell him. I like the cologne he has on.
“Hey, Emily.” Silas moves towards my mum and greets her by kissing her on her cheeks. “How are you?”
“I’m all good.” She beams, looking at him. “When do you plan on bringing her back?”
“It all depends on her. We can leave whenever she wants to,” Silas tells her as his eyes move towards me.
“I will message you. Don’t worry,” I assure her. Two days after I got out of the hospital, my parents got me a new phone and luckily, we were able to retrieve my old number. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember the password of my online cloud to get back my pictures. I wish I could remember it, so I could look at my old pictures.
Silas and I make our way out of the house, and he opens the passenger door for me. I thank him before getting inside and he closes the door for me. My heart is beating so fast and I know that it’s going to keep acting like this for at least five minutes. I wish I could get rid of this feeling.
“Do you want to sit in the backseat?” Silas offers, but I shake my head.
“No, I guess I can sit in the front,” I say, taking a deep breath before getting inside the car.
“When we started dating, you became in charge of the music during any car ride, so feel free to play whatever you want,” he tells me.
“You don’t mind if I play anything?” I ask to make sure, and he nods.
I scroll through my playlist, trying to find something I want. It takes me half a minute to settle on a song and when I put it on, I notice a small smile appearing on his lips.
“What?” I ask, keeping my eyes on him.
“You usually play this song and its nice to see that some things haven’t changed,” he replies, keeping his hands on the steering wheel.
“The sudden change that happened is a huge inconvenience, isn’t it?” My voice is low and I’m suddenly nervous.
My eyes are still on him, so it doesn’t escape my notice when his face falls. “You got me all wrong, Rosie. I didn’t mean it like that. All I meant was that…” He nervously runs one hand through his hair. “I’m really sorry. I just meant that it was good that the accident didn’t take everything from you. I’m just glad that you still have some connection with what you like even if this is subconsciously,” he tries to justify what he has said.
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“It’s okay,” I say with a smile, not wanting to ruin the day because of something this small. Frankly, Silas has been really nice to me, and I know that he doesn’t have any malicious intentions.
“But to answer your question, Rosie, no, I don’t see what happened as a huge inconvenience. You don’t know how grateful I am that you came out of this accident alive. So, what if you cannot remember what we used to have? That’s okay, I will do my best to show you that we once used to love each other.” My heart dances a little at his words, because it doesn’t take a genius to realize that he is really sincere.
“Have you always been that good with words?” I smirk, slightly turning my body to face him.
“I’m often good with words, but when it comes to you, I sometimes mess up,” he admits. I can tell that Silas is nervous, which makes the whole situation really cute.
“Where do you plan on taking me?” I wonder.
“I know how much you don’t like sitting for long, but since you still have the cast on, I’m aware that you cannot move a lot. That’s why I’m taking you to the beach.” Enthusiasm fills me when he says that because I have always wanted to go on a date at the beach. He is bringing one of my dreams to life.
“Have I told you before that I have always wanted to go on a date at the beach?” I ask. If his answer is yes that would be good because it means that he is a good listener. If his answer is no that means that he knows me well and knows what I would want to do without having me tell him anything.
“You have never told me that before, but I’m glad that we’re doing something on your bucket list.” The way his face brightens up when I tell him that shows how he truly cares about my happiness.
Maybe today’s date can be the start of something good between Silas and me.
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