The Alpha novel Chapter 19

My chest felt like twenty-pound weights were laying there. My head was pounding from the constant crying and my eyes were burning. I felt the desire, the need to find my release, but I had no tools and my nails weren’t very dangerous.

'Clock.'

'Break the clock and cut.'

( ‘Violet, no.’ )

'Break.'

'The.'

'Clock.'

'Cut.'

My mark burned when I rolled over and grabbed the clock, throwing it on the ground. It thudded and made a cracking sound so I reached and threw it down again. Agonizing seconds passed by while I waited for the clock to smash.

Once it did, I pulled up off the bed, not able to be seen from the door, crouching down to find the sharpest piece before slumping down.

( ‘Violet, don’t do this. Stop. Derek told you-’ )

'Ugh, shut the fuck up!'

'Let’s go!'

'Cut!'

I blocked out Sage, let out a shaky break, undid the previous bandages, and began to slide it across my wrist. My mark pricked in pain and I sped up the cutting, altering between my wrists.

I’ll be perfect.

Like the girls he wants.

'You’re the definition of imperfect.'

'He wants blondes, not you.'

I heard footsteps banging down the hallway, a sob escaped my lips as I knew what was about to happen, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wasn’t in my headspace, I couldn’t control this.

Blood coated my forearms, dripping on the sweater and jeans. The sound of the door flying open didn’t break my concentration.

I dug the makeshift dagger in my skin, but I could feel it getting dull.

“Violet!” a voice yelled.

I continued to cut.

Brown shoes stood in front of my black ones. My hands were pried from each other with a hard grip. My head spun as I felt him grab under my arms and hauled me into the bathroom.

“N-no,” I whispered weakly and he shushed me.

My head started to get fuzzy as he set me on the sink counter, running water, grabbing a towel, and applied pressure to my wrists to fix them. My wrists were numb and sizzling.

He stood between my legs and I whimpered as my headache increased. I put my head in Derek’s shoulder, my tears wetting his shirt. He opened the cabinet with his foot, pulling it up to the counter, barely moving me.

He pulled out his phone and barked some orders then he set me against the bare wall where the mirror would’ve been, and stepped out of the room. My eyesight was blurry and my wrists lazily laid at my sides, the towels sitting over them.

He came back in with a short-sleeved nightshirt and some pants.

“Do you sleep with a bra?” he asked in his crisp tone. I shook my head ‘no’ and he pulled me to him. “Violet, listen. I’m not going to look, but I’m taking off your bra and I’m gonna dress you in this shirt,” he spoke steadily, making sure I understood him.

I hazily nodded and he put my arms on each of his shoulders before unclasping my bra, sliding it off my arms. He soon strung the shirt around my head and carefully pulled it down my freshly wounded arms. He then proceeded to put on pants.

He heard the door and told them to come in. Doctor Reseda soon stopped into the bathroom and began wrapping my new cicatrices. She spoke to Derek about my blood loss, and the damage I caused and then left.

Derek turned back to me and growled deeply.

“How many fucking times?” he said in a dangerously low tone. I gulped and looked down. He walked over to me before yanking my face towards his blue flames. “Violet.” he growled, glaring at me, “why?”

Something snapped in my hazy state. Why? It was him! He made the voices do this!

“W-why?” I croaked, bringing my eyes up to him. “You!” I raised my voice, slightly shocked at myself.

His grip tightened, and an emotion flashed in his eyes before neutralizing them again. “You don’t raise your voice at your Alpha!” he shouted at me, I flinched down. “Understand me?” I whimpered. “Words, weakling, words.”

A sob left my lips, “Yes, A...Alpha.” he growled once more before picking me up and carrying me to the bed.

He laid me on it and walked out of the door, leaving it open. I groaned before turning the other way to go to sleep.

I heard footsteps come back in, along with the door closing. I didn’t bother turning over, that was until I felt the bed dip. I swiveled my head and saw Derek in a new shirt and sweatpants.

He rolled his eyes at me and told me to turn back around and hesitantly I did. He laid down and pulled me to him, his arm resting on my waist.

...What is he doing?...

( ‘Relax Violet. He’s our mate, he’s allowed to sleep with us.’ )

...No...

He didn’t like me, he’s made it quite evident, perhaps he felt guilty? I didn’t want a pity party, but my wolf wasn’t letting me move, so instead, I laid there.

Subconsciously, my hands started to trace patterns on his arm that laid on my waist.

“Stop,” he grunted out.

I halted my movements and closed my eyes trying to find the sleep that he was insinuating, but yet my mind was amuck from the events that happened mere minutes ago.

“Violet. Stop,” he snapped as he grabbed my hand. I didn't realize I had started the tracing again, but he wasn’t pleased, “go to bed.” He grumbled, crushing my hands in his grip.

He pulled me closer into his chest and moved until he was comfortable. He was still pressing my hand against my stomach, right onto my newly developing bruise, and he didn’t seem to be letting go anytime soon. I tried to yank them out of his grip, but he just growled.

“Flower,” he groggily mumbled, “stop.”

“I-it hurts…” I whispered.

He sighed and let go of my hand, getting comfortable again. “Just go to sleep, flower.” there was almost a desperate tone in his plea, but I couldn’t, I was wide awake. My mind was buzzing.

“Violet,” he spoke, his voice gruff, it made my heart speed up.

“Y-yeah?” I whispered and he sighed out before he pulled his arm away from my waist and sat up. I looked up at him before quickly looking away.

...I didn’t want him to leave...

“Violet, are you tired?” I opened my mouth to answer him, but I stopped, slightly fearing what he would do based on my answer. He frowned down at me, “answer, Flower. It’s okay if you aren’t.” He reassured and I nodded my head, agreeing with him.

“You’re not tired?” I nodded again. “Do you want to go for a walk? Come on,” he slowly reached down, helping me up.

“Go put on some shoes, if you need any help, I’ll be out here,” he cautiously let go off my arm and I did as he said.

Derek lightly grabbed my hand, careful not to grab my freshly wrapped wounds, because I just told them they hurt. That wasn’t a lie, it didn’t hurt while I was doing it, it was a relief to me. But after that high, it did sting for a few hours.

We walked downstairs and out the front door, I subconsciously leaned into him, my fear of the dark crawling up my back.

“You’re okay, Flower,” Derek whispered to me, lowly and I was surprised I picked it up.

It was a quiet walk, just the sound of the grass under our shoes and the insects doing whatever it is they do. I was growing drowsy from the walking and from Derek’s body heat and scent. That and the loss of blood.

“A-alpha?” I mumbled, glancing up at him.

“Derek,” he corrected.

“R-right, I’m s-sorry,” I shook my head, feeling bad and my cheeks were heating up. “C-can we head back, p-please?” I shyly asked.

“Of course, Flower,” he gave a light squeeze to my hand and we turned around.

“Violet,” he started and I glanced up at him before looking back down. Have you ever slept with someone?”

My heart flew out of my chest, my walking faltered. My chest felt heavy as I looked up at him with wide eyes. “Like s-sex?”

“Um, no…” he drew out, “I should’ve worded it differently. Did you ever willingly sleep with someone?”

“Um, no, not s-sexually,” I answered truthfully, my cheeks got red, embarrassed.

“And what about just sleeping? Not sexually, like spending the night with someone, sleeping. Same thing?”

“Y-yeah,” I whispered. I never had a choice. “Usually, A-alpha didn’t s-sleep with me a-after, when he did, um- I didn’t want him to,” I quickly rushed out, I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. “B-but, he’s a lot bigger and heavier than m-me, s-so there wasn’t much I could do,” I mumbled.