The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance) novel Chapter 189

Soon as we get out the door Mico flanks me on one side with Alexi on the other and we are instantly surrounded by more Carrero security. Like a black wall that’s impenetrable and offers instant calm to my frazzled brain. Guiding us efficiently and shielding us from all angles. Overkill, but I guess I’m thankful for it.

“What about the rest of her outfit?” Alexi asks as we walk briskly out of the building, the first to leave, but I can already hear chairs scraping as others depart, now we have. Some of them eager to walk away now they've found a resolution to this debacle.

It’s weird how something that hung over us for months is tied up with a bow in one very brief sitting. I can’t get my head around the fact the threat is gone, and I no longer need to live under house arrest for any reason. A sudden lightness to my mood as the heavy weight of burden is lifted.

“Most departed as soon as they heard their source of income was about to be put down. No one is loyal when they’re hired hands. Santagato’s men have already taken down anyone true to her. We stayed back and watched, exactly like you said. No Carrero laid hands on any of them, nothing comes back to us.” Mico touches his earpiece and mutters something under his breath for his men’s ears only. Stalling so he falls behind us slightly and I try to just continue with my graceful, poised walk out of this miserable place.

I slide my arm in Alexi’s, needing him to be more normal for me right now, aching for his touch as my heart rate still pounds erratically through my body, silently clinging on, but he continues talking. Too aware that we are on show and he can’t let that mask drop just yet, not even for me while in public.

“Good. I’ll call my father and tell him it’s done. He can inform the family that Santagato chose his own repay. Carrero didn’t issue any orders. Can’t be pissed if I didn’t disobey them.” He sounds smug, satisfied with the hand he played, and somehow miraculously got the outcome he wanted all along—clever bastard.

Even I have to admit that’s probably a smart way around it.

“An eventful weekend all round.” Mico reappears by my side with a smile on his face and Alexi smiles too, glancing my way with a loaded look. Understatement of the century.

I don’t know how to feel if I’m being honest. I just gave the final command to end that woman’s life and I should feel something. Maybe guilt or regret but there is an empty black hole in my gut, and I feel like I’m disconnected to my surroundings now we are no longer in that room. Stuck in a dreamlike haze. Maybe because I spent my life dissociating with horrible things, so it’s like second nature and I can just shrug it off and leave it behind me. Maybe this is how Alexi deals with shit. He’s normalised trauma and heinous acts and can drop them by the door as he walks away like an unwanted sack of rubble.

I feel out of whack and jump when Alexi’s hand slides across my back and snaps me back to reality. I realise we are out on the street, standing at the car door, and he is trying to guide me inside away from prying eyes. I have turned zombie on him and shivering with the after-effects of that room. Mental state deteriorating a tad.

“Just hold it in for a few more minutes until we are out of sight, and earshot.” He whispers huskily in my ear, kissing me on my temple to hide his rushed prompt. I bite on my bottom lip, get in the car while holding onto his arm and slide across to let him in quickly. He follows suit, gets in and immediately pulls out his phone and looks down to type. Staying in role and I try to not rush over to throw myself at him despite needing to so badly. I’m folding in on myself internally and I need my rock and anchor to help me get my head back on track. I need my gentle Lexi, not this Mafia boss beside me.

I catch a glimpse of men in the hoards departing the building, splitting into cars and just keep my eyes forward on the road, face tight and emotions in check. We are still on show which I guess is why Alexi is not touching me a lot. They would see it as weak or odd for him to be tenderly mollycoddling me after that little scene. These are men who deal with far worse, so if he is seen tending to my fragile self after something so minor, it would prove I don’t have the constitution for this life, and he’s going soft.

It’s all smoke and mirrors and games.

I keep it together with all my might, watching the road as Mico and our escort of cars navigate through the tight little streets of the colourful Chinatown and gets us back on track, heading out to Upper Manhattan. Back into fast traffic and homeward bound.

Once we lose most of the foreign cars that had followed us, Alexi turns to check over his shoulder and the side windows before turning to me, scoots closer, pulls me against him in a hug and slides his arm around me. Secure in the knowledge we are finally out of sight and he knows I desperately need him in this way.

“You okay? I’m sorry I had to put you through that, but it was necessary.” He slides both arms around me to envelop me, pulling me in tightly so my seatbelt strains and I rest my cheek on his chest; I close my eyes to breathe him in and return to that safety he always makes me feel. Unloading the heavy weight of everything like dumping off a huge thick coat. Suddenly able to breathe and realise how tightly I was holding myself until this moment. I dissolve into a mess of loose limbs now he has me. I can let it go, knowing he will take the burden away.

“I will be. It was a shock. You should have warned me what was coming, Lexi. I could have prepared myself for that.” My voice trembles and I close my eyes as his finger traces my cheek and brushes my hair away from my face tenderly. So familiar, and so necessary for me.

“I didn’t know for sure it would. Santagato was still trying to get a reach out on everyone in her organisation until I got that text. We weren’t sure if we had everyone covered as the meeting was so rushed and last minute. We had no room for error or backlash. It had to be one even sweep or it wasn’t happening.” He kisses me on top of my head, lingering to inhale my scent and ground me fully; I slide my arms around him and deflate completely. Head whirling with images of men suffocating right in front of my face. Pushing the horror away along with the broken face of that woman. I shudder slightly as I close them down tight in a black hole far in the depths of my mind.

“So, they're all gone?”

The complete wipeout of a threat in a very organised hour. It’s mind-boggling that they could orchestrate that kind of efficiency in just one night.

“She had a lot of paid guns who were only too happy to walk away to fight another day. Her trust circle was small, and the two men with her were her stepsons, not blood. Their father died years ago. There is no one to come after this. It’s over. Her family abroad won’t retaliate, they wanted nothing to do with this.” He assures me and there is no hint of dishonesty in his tone. It really is over.

I’m guessing they reached out via his father and checked what the outcome of doing something to her would be. Her family clearly had more sense than she did.

“What a stupid woman. Thinking she could take on the likes of you lot and live to tell the tale.” I shake my head, pulling back to get lost in those calming grey eyes. Finding the safe harbour in the pale unearthly beauty.

“She thought she had figured it all out, much like her idiot father did decades ago. Come in with a show of force and put fear into the other heads. Bully them into letting you lead. The logic is flawed. You should always know your opponents and their capabilities before throwing down a gauntlet. I was never going to just brush this off.”

“She wanted power and position. She just went about it in the worst way.” I understand the silly girl’s logic and I blanch at why she ever thought it would work. These are men who have power and a ruthless desire to keep it. They don’t hand it over to women with attitude that easily. Her gender was the first fault in her plan.

“Should have married me, huh; maybe she would be sitting at the head of the next table issuing orders if she had.” He jests but I don’t smile. This whole bizarre scene wasn’t funny, but I see the funny in what he said. I spent my life trying to be someone and in one drunken Elvis service, I’m suddenly a respected figure among the men I hated and endured my entire life. It really is a fucked-up world out there.

She wanted this power; she fought and killed for it, and where is she now. Left in a room with murderous men who will make her last hours hell on earth, for merely trying to get what they have, in ways they probably gained it to begin with. The imbalance of this misogynist world we live in.

“Let’s go home. This has been a hellish few days and I just want to curl up and have a normal day to forget all this.” I’m exhausted, mentally and physically, and feel like we've been stuck in an emotional whirlwind for the last few days. I want nothing more than his couch, Alexi and Lync curled up beside me, some mindless Netflix box set and a good glass of red wine. Pretending none of this is real. Like normal people do. Home sounds like the most amazing thing at this moment.

To detach and put this all to bed. To forget, to be wrapped in the bubble of ‘Camlexi’ where this reality is a blur and doesn’t really touch me anymore.

“I second that. I need to go out later, but you can have me all to yourself for a few hours first. My father is flying in, we have a board meeting tonight to talk about how this went down.”

Obviously not something they want to discuss over the phone.

I sigh at the reality of this life and just nod. This is how it will always be, well, until the day he retires, and our casino beckons us. Until the day he is free of the responsibility of heading this family and having so many rely on him. This is what happens when you marry the King. I knew this when I got into things with him, and I have to accept that that world will always have a place in who he is.

I wanted a place where I could live between the two. Unable to exist in suburban reality, but neither did I want to live in the underworld of crime, sex and murder, and Alexi gives me that weird in-between place I never knew existed. By his side, I can walk either way at any time, and live in the grey area most have no concept of. The place he has been dwelling most of his life with his men, his father and anyone else who has to wear two personas and be two different people. I feel like, somehow, this is how I was always supposed to end up. Not choosing one or the other to find my happiness but choosing him and letting it all slot into place.

I curl up tightly in his embrace and sigh heavily, everything seeping away so there is only the feel of him and all the peace that comes with it.

“It’s over. Finally. Maybe now we can start living and work on this crazy marriage of ours.”

“The marriage isn’t crazy, just the wife.” He chuckles in a funny retort and gets a swift slap in the abdomen for his cheek. My unamused scowl at his jest before he hauls me to him and kisses me firmly, pushing it to passionate immediately as he buries his hands in my hair and reminds me why we work so well.

Putting an end to the conversation and reminding me of all the reasons he makes me crazy, in one fell swoop.

My head's a mess and I just need some normality for a few days to get all of this in order. To let go of the angst and chaos and ugly memories which I know I’m capable of. I have witnessed some awful things in life, been at the receiving end and still lived to tell the tale. Guilt is something I’m good at letting go of and I’m sure in a few days I won’t remember that bitch's name.

She fucked with the wrong couple.

I need to figure out what is happening with the club and where I’m meant to live now that we’re married, and where we go from here. There is so much up in the air clogging up my brain and now we are back on home turf and I’m free to wander about in my life without severe security, I intend to sort it out once and for all.

It doesn’t take long to get to the apartment. We are escorted by two men up to our floor who then vacate to the little security room with the regular staff here. Leaving us to our home with privacy as though they are not even here. It’s all very swift and silent and Alexi barely acknowledges them, such is the normality of it for him. It will take some getting used to, and I was only just beginning to tolerate Jackson as my shadow. I hope to God that isn’t the end of him being my sidekick as I will miss him like crazy.

Jackson knows me and my moods, he knows my schedule and my likes, so I will put my foot down and cling onto that little gem as my permanent bodyguard. Alexi will say yes because it’s me and I’m learning that he rarely refuses me if I ask in the right way.

Boy is becoming someone I can wrap around my little finger.

Lync comes tearing at us as soon as we walk into the open living room, the gorgeous smell and sight of his home, air filled with something delicious from Mrs Capone, bubbling on the stove for our arrival. Alexi steps in front of me and commands him ‘down’ before he takes a flying leap at us in his excitement. He is a flurry of wagging, fluffy, ecstatic wriggling to get against us and a lot of tongue licking at any part of our anatomy he can get to. It’s a happy homecoming that does its best to drag away the last dregs of the dark cloud hovering over me. All of this just fits and is the place I have been looking to belong to my whole life.

Ecstatic to be back here in surroundings that have quickly become necessary to me. An extension of him so no wonder it feels right. I wouldn’t change anything about this apartment at all.

Alexi crouches down and gives him a proper rub and hug, rolling him onto his back for a tummy massage and I pad past them to wander over to the sitting area, discarding bag, jacket and shoes as I go. Relieved to be doing so. I give them their few minutes of male bonding time as I know Lync will come cosy up to me right after. I missed that furry beast in some weird way.

I get to the couch and flop down like an empty rubble sack and slide my legs along the seat before exhaling loudly. This feels like the one place in the world where nothing can touch us anymore, and if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind if this is the permanent home. He hasn’t mentioned if it will be, but I would assume so seeing as this is Alexi’s choice of home. It’s the best of all worlds, really. Has cosy touches similar to his bolthole but the modern sleek design of the club and his other apartment. It’s spacious, with more room than we would ever need, with a garden on the roof and around the clock security. My idea of heaven.

I could stay here until the end of time and never feel caged in. It’s perfection in a building and it’s both sides of the man I love, colliding into one.

How could I not love it and all within?

“I’ll be back in a second. I have something for you; I just need to check where it’s been put.” Alexi wanders past me, throwing me a charming smile and I sit up, blinking after him as he disappears towards the stairs near his office. Wondering when the hell he had something for me sent here and when he even arranged it or why. I should get used to his surprises, he’s a man of sentiment and I guess he will fill my future with random gifts at odd moments when I least expect them.

Not sure this is the best timing for something romantic and gifted, but then again, maybe it is and will help settle me down and forget this morning.

I pick up the remote, sink back on the couch and lazily channel hop while trying to clear my mind of images of what we just left. Hating that they are plaguing me, but then it’s only just happened, and I reckon I’m still in a weird state of numbed shock. I have been through this before and it will pass, it always does. I just need a good distraction until it goes away.

Those men. It was brutal and will probably haunt me for days yet. I know it will fade, much like seeing him kill one or two other men in the past few months has, and over time, I might not care anymore when I’m exposed to shit like this. But for now, my head's churning it over and making me feel sick and antsy.

Marianne—well, what can I say about her. It was long overdue, and she brought it on herself. She tried to take me twice and I have no doubt she intended to have me killed. She’s not worth my brain space.