Chapter 72
Unfortunately, that night when I go into the dream state, Luca isn’t there.
Anxiety whirs in me as I turn around in the birch forest, looking for him, but it’s…definitely just me by myself. I frown, trying to feel him…is he just…not asleep?
And there’s..certainly something there. It’s almost like I can…feel him sleeping down the bond. There’s a deep rest there, and a stillness, but…
I don’t know. It’s almost like he’s not dreaming, not at all.
I sigh, working very hard not to take it personally, and then I will the dream to end. I wake up for a moment in my little nook, frowning, wondering ridiculously if I should just…go downstairs and knock on his door, make sure that he’s okay.
But no – Rafe was really upset when he came back to the room. And not just pissed that I didn’t follow the plan to the letter, but genuinely worried for me. His shoulders had been trembling when I had come out of the shower and he had wrapped me in a big hug, scolding me but holding me close nonetheless.
He’d heard about Wright attacking me in the hall, of course, and of Luca punching him out and pulling me into his room where I’d be safe. Jesse exaggerated how quickly he got there, suggesting it had only been minutes later. Rafe, thank god, hadn’t been suspicious.
Because I don’t really need to answer my big brother’s questions, right now, about why I’m making out with Luca Grant while my mate, Jackson McClintock, lives only a few doors down.
I sigh now, looking towards Rafe’s big bed where I can hear him snoring softly, wishing he didn’t take my safety so personally. He just loves me, I know, and I love him right back but it’s not his life’s duty to keep me safe like this.
–
Regardless, as tempting as the idea to go down to knock on my mate’s door is, I’m not risking Rafe waking up to find me alone. So instead I turn over and close my eyes, letting myself drift off into a nice, restful sleep. I have the other dream again the one that I had before, of running along the moonlit cliffside in my wolf form, another wolf at my heels. It fills me with a great deal of peace and joy, running in the night.
–
I’m happy when I wake up, stretching my arms over my head as my brother and my cousin call their morning greetings to me. But there’s anxiety alongside it because where had Luca been? Why hadn’t he come?
He’s not still mad at me, is he? I thought we left that all behind…
–
I’m distracted from the issue, though, by the insanely rigorous workout that Jesse and Rafe put me through. Saturdays, apparently, have brunch instead of breakfast in order to allow cadets to rest and catch up on some reading. But Jesse and Rafe, because they are athletic maniacs, use the opportunity to make me run five miles and then do so many sets of pull- ups that my arms feel like jelly.
“Why do you….hate me….” I gasp as I pull my chin up over the bar.
“Incorrect, Shrimpito,” Jesse says, sitting on the floor next to the bar and flipping through a textbook, taking notes. “It is love that makes us give you pain.”
“This is what they say in abusive relationships,” I say, dropping from the bar and panting with my hands on my knees while Rafe pats my back.
“Your upper body’s your weak point,” Rafe says. “We’re just getting you strong for the Examination. What if they ask you to climb something.”
“I’ll just melt it,” I mutter, making Jesse laugh. “With my mind.”
Rafe smirks too but claps his hands together. “Two more sets, baby touble! Let’s go!”
Rafe carries my backpack to brunch because it aches when I set it on my shoulders, though he carries it as lightly as any of mom’s purses. I scowl at him, jealous of the passive ease with which he does hard things, but my scowl is instantly wiped from my face when we walk into the Hall and I glance towards our table.
I burst into a grin because instantly, instantly I have an answer to why Luca didn’t come to the dream state last night.
Both Luca and Ben are sitting at our table with full plates of food in front of them, their faces green. Ben rests his head against his folded arm and gives up halfway through giving us a wave of greeting. Luca just sits with his eyes closed, massaging his temples and looking like he’s going to vomit at any minute. But his eyes fly open when Ben murmurs his hellos.
Luca is instantly on his feet, passing Rafe and moving directly for me. Before I can stop him, he takes my face in his hands, looking down into my eyes with such sorrow and regret that my mouth falls open.
“I am so sorry,” he murmurs. “We‘
“Would you cut it out!?” Jesse hisses, hitting Luca hard on the forearm and knocking his hands away. Luca jumps a little and steps back, looking guiltily towards Jesse and then to Rafe, who thankfully had his back turned.
–
But my heart goes out to Luca, whose emotions I can feel down the bond such guilt, and worry, and the idea that he let me down
I just shake my head at him, smiling, passing feelings of calm and content down the bond. Because I get it – it was a mistake. He and Ben got caught up drinking it’s really not a big deal.
–
“Wow,” Rafe says, laughing as he looks first at Ben and then at Luca as we all take our seats, me by Luca’s side as usual. “You two…you look like
crap.”
“Thank you,” Ben says, smiling half–heartedly at Rafe, “for your kind words. I am far from crap. I aspire to be crap. I am…much much worse.”
“What the hell were you drinking?” Jesse asks, helping himself to the full carafe of coffee on the table and pouring me and Rafe a cup as well.
“Vodka,” Luca sighs, as if the very word pains him. “At least, they said it was vodka. One of the older cadets probably made it in their bathtub that’s what it tasted like.”
–
“Ew,” I say, grabbing a blueberry muffin from the basket on the table.
“Will you eat one of those for me?” Luca asks, longing at the muffin longingly. “They look so good, and I’m so hungry, but even the idea of food…” He exhales sharply, his cheeks puffing out as he shakes his head.
“Poor baby,” I murmur, taking a big bite and chewing with relish. “It’s your own fault, rule breaker.”
“Oh please, little miss sanctimonious,” he murmurs, low enough to get away with the
Chapter 72
feminine address but making me sit up sharply anyway.
“What?!” I ask, laughing.
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