The Lycan Princess and the Temptation of Sin novel Chapter 17

SKYLA.

As the door shuts behind him, my small smirk fades away, and I look around the cottage. That cosy touch feels empty… My stomach drops, guilt filling me, followed by a void, one so deep it almost hurts to breathe. This is the part I hate the most; I know my flaws… I know when I’m fucking up but it doesn’t stop me from self-sabotaging everything. Even then, it’s easier to identify my flaws and another thing entirely trying to move away from them.

Breaking a cycle that, for a fleeting moment, fills that emptiness, is hard. I live in those moments… It offers me temporary relief, a distraction I really need from the constant war that wages in my mind. But it always comes to an end and then it all sinks in, knowing I fucked up. But deep down I know I’ll do it all over again, because I need that, those small moments of reprieve they offer me.

Picking up my phone, I unlock it and click on the chat app. It’s instinctual, another bad habit of mine that I’ve picked up recently. It has become a part of my routine… One I always knew would probably end in disappointment, yet still, I check my messages anyway.

Still nothing.

Sighing heavily, I stare unseeingly at the screen.

I can still feel his touch on my body, and I don’t know how to feel about it. In the moment everything feels good, but then… now, I feel hollow. Moving toward the front door, I can still smell his scent clinging to me, to this place….

Locking the door, I sigh, resting my forehead against the wood before I slowly turn and head to the bedroom. A place that still smells of him and sex… It’s like I can’t escape him, escape what I did. I messed up and once Royce finds out…

I sigh heavily, feeling sick with guilt and I turn away, shutting the door, hoping his scent won’t linger too long.

“Meow?”

Malevolent’s whine draws my attention to her, and I smile softly as I crouch down and scoop her into my arms. “Come on, little one.” I whisper, nuzzling my nose into her neck. She’s my forever one.

Nothing helps, nothing ever helps.

Royce’s words fill my mind. ‘You’re worth more than a one-night hook-up…’ Why do those words sting so much more now?

I shake my head; he just doesn’t know me…

Knowing I won’t be able to go back to the bedroom, I head to the lounge and drop onto the sofa, cradling Malevolent to my chest. I curl up, staring at the ceiling, and watch the shadowy patterns of the rustling leaves outside the window reflect. I’m in the dark, and the curtains are open, but I have no energy to get up and close them.

Why did I do it?

Sure, casual hook-ups aren’t uncommon for me, but with someone who I know and is a teacher at the school? Usually, I am not that foolish, nothing good will come of this.

Sure, I know I wanted Royce, and his refusal was getting to me… Yeah, I’m not making sense. Was I trying to prove something?

Yes, I was, and I know it makes me a bitch, but if I couldn’t have Royce, then I’ll settle for his brother.

Nicely played Sky…

Shame fills me. If Royce finds out, I bet he’ll be disgusted that I bounced from one brother to the other so easily…

Nice work.

Rolling onto my side, I run my fingers through my hair, breathing deeply, wanting nothing more than to hurt something, anything. I want to scream, and cry, the guilt and hollowness seeping deeper inside me.

Stupid, how can I always be so fucking stupid? People think I’m a fucking badass just because I’m tough and I’ll jump to protect you with everything I have… but no one sees the fucked up shit inside my head…

Sucking in a deep breath, I flex my fingers, trying to rid the horrid feeling eating away at me and creating a void so big I may just slip into it and never return. That maddening state where you want to scream and cry, both threatening to take over, the urge to wreak havoc and destroy everything around me, or even… destroy myself…

I just want to feel something other than empty, angry or out of control...

My lip quivers and I stare at the backrest of the sofa, trying to regain myself. Even if I agreed to a casual thing, I can’t let it happen again even if he was pretty good in bed or if he gave me an incredible orgasm… I can’t… not with him. It’s wrong on so many levels.

But… it is momentary… deep down, I know I’ll fuck up again. I always do.

I stare at my phone. Reign…

I feel sick, feeling as if I’m betraying him, but he’s the one refusing to talk to me… but does it even matter? It’s not like we are a couple-