209 Ayla
“Why did you not tell me soon Ayla?” Griffin’s lack of a cute. nickname always is the first sign he is angry with me.
Or worse disappointed, I just wanted to have one relaxed night. Enjoying a BBQ with my family and friends. But with the look. Krystel gave me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this from Griffin until after the BBQ. Not that I blame her, she is my friend, my Beta. But she is Griffin’s cousin too. Of course, she is going to be loyal to both of us. The thing is I get why Griffin is so worried, sometimes it’s just stifling. Before meeting me he was afraid he would not find his mate. I know he prayed a lot and made a ton of offerings to the Moon Goddess to find me. Promising to do everything he could to keep me safe. Before he even knew who I
was.
I realize to him, not being able to prevent me from being kidnapped, abused, and raped was a failure. He felt like he failed me and the Moon Goddess herself by not only not keeping me safe. But taking so long to find me, I could not make him see it was not his fault. When I was in my coma he kept asking me to come back to him. Crying swearing to me that he would keep me. happy and safe. To me, he did, to him it never was enough. To him, the fact that Cynthia caused some issues was another failure. Losing track of where Hannah moved; was another failure. Still not knowing where David was; yet another failure.
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It was sweet he was so worried about keeping me safe, and I appreciated it. I did, but for most of my life, other wolves saw me as weak or fragile. Unable to protect myself and I needed my mate to be different. I needed Griffin to trust me and know I was more than capable of defending myself if something happened to me. David had caught me by surprise, but since I was never going to be able to travel alone again anymore, that would be much harder to do.
“Because I just wanted to relax tonight Griff. I was going to tell you but she didn’t mean any harm. She didn’t seek me out I walked into her workplace. Because we didn’t know she worked there.” I tried to be patient because with moving in together and marking each other all while constantly being under a lot of pressure was starting to take its toll on both of us.
We still loved each other, and we never had big arguments or one that would go on for very long. Usually, we just had some words. and talked it all over before things would escalate. Still, sometimes it felt as if our relationship could be better. Stronger, several people told me that it’s normal. How every couple will bicker a bit when the honeymoon phase is over. And they are adjusting to their new normal. It was a comforting thought to know we weren’t alone in this. That of course didn’t mean that I like arguing with the love of my life. Our being upset with each other.
Griffin sighed audibly, our guests kept quiet busying themselves with filling their plates with sides and eating or grilling the meat. They were right not wanting to get involved, but the situation still was very awkward. I wanted to be over with it, so we could go
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back to enjoying our time together.
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“You are right Darling, sometimes I should trust you. The time. when I knew you were hurting without me being able to do something. It broke me, and I just can’t shake this ominous. feeling.” He confessed, and I could not blame him for any of it.
In fact, I was touched by how honest and vulnerable he was with me. In front of everyone else, we loved it too. I felt the need to comfort him, I had been unable to show him how safe we we now. Honestly, I am unsure if I ever will be able to make him see. how safe we are now. I hoped I could at least make him feel how much I loved him. How I would always support him, even if I did not always fully agree with him. So I hugged him, pulling his face into the crook of my neck, making sure he could breathe in my
scent.
“At least we know she is living in the closest human town, working in the baby store. That’s something right?” I mindlinked him, for the simple reason that using my voice felt like it would interrupt our personal bubble.
As Griffin nodded before kissing my head I could tell he still had something on his mind. I was not going to pry, he had the right to come to terms with things in his own time. He clearly was somewhat reassured as his bright smile was genuine. He shooed my father away from the BBQ and started grilling the meat.
The rest of the night we spend having a lot of fun, Griffin even let
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go enough to drink some beers. Not enough to get drunk not with his wolf metabolism. Just enough to make him extra happy and extra affectionate though. He had trouble keeping his hands to himself when our family still was there. He never crossed a line but he also found every excuse there was to touch me.
“Okay, thanks for dinner Kiddo’s I am going to get some shut–eye. Not see how my oldest born is getting lovingly groped every other second” Dad joked, he was the first to get ready to leave.
Griffin was still sober enough to say his goodbyes to Dad, apologizing for his behavior but telling Dad he just loved me to bits. With a seriousness that could only come from being tipsy. I
a
could tell no one was really offended. Again they were all just happy to see how happy we were.
When everyone left soon after my parents did, I told Griffin to get a shower. Hoping would sober him up a little bit. I cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher, and cleaned the BBQ. It left me exhausted, Griffin had been quiet so a part of me was hoping he had fallen asleep. With how handsy he had been I was sure sleeping was the last thing on his mind. And I could never refuse the man, not with how he knew how to kiss me and touch me exactly how I wanted it. Tomorrow we had an early day so I honestly wanted to get a good night’s sleep. Which would not happen if Griffin would keep me up for another few hours. The man seemed unable to do a quickie so I knew what we were in for if anything started.
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