The Silent Alpha novel Chapter 58

***Derek*** 

Vanessa looks very relaxed and at ease as she sips her coffee and scrolls through her phone nonchalantly, completely oblivious that I am watching her.I haven’t seen her this relaxed since she first arrived at Silver Crest.

Her big green eyes shaded by thick lashes and the long brown hair framing her slightly round face give her an almost angelic look as she studies her phone.

I never noticed how innocent her features make her look.

She truly is beautiful, my wolf, Casper murmurs.

Beautiful...but off limits, Isigh, preparing to ruin her day.I’ve been tracking her now for several days, Vanessa spending most of that time holed up in a motel room.

She wasn't hard to find since she used my credit cards for food and shelter, and while I could have easily cut her funds off, I did not have the heart to freeze my accounts.

Many times I wanted to storm into her room and hold her, but I knew better than to make my presence known to her so As I walk into the small diner by the lake, I notice Vanessa flinch, likely smelling my scent and feeling my presence.

When I approach her table and slide into the seat in front of her, she reluctantly sits up and takes another drink from her coffee before asking if I am here to kill her.I don’t answer her, my eyes lingering on Christian’s mark on her neck.

That should be my mark, Casper snarls, a bit of jealous rage pumping through my veins.

Noticing my stare, Vanessa brushes her hair over her shoulder to hide the mark and takes another drink.

"Do you know why I loved Christian so much?" she asks, settling into a comfortable position and when I don’t respond, she proceeds to answer her own question.

"He was the first person who ever saw me.He made me feel like I mattered and it felt good.It felt good to matter to someone.It felt good to just be enough for someone to take notice of me.I never got that growing up," she sighs through a tired smile.

"I was always just a f**k up with a pretty face.Natalia was the smart one, the successful one.The one who made our parents proud...and I was just there to make the family portraits look good." and it saddens me to think he meant more to her than she meant to him.

Where she appreciated and cherished every moment spent with him, he hardly ever thought of her and those trivial moments in class.

In all honesty, I hardly noticed her either, noting only her pretty face and nothing more.

How broken and deprived of attention must she have been to have fallen for Christian’s half-assed compliments and believed it to be love? She pauses as a waitress comes with a tray of food for her and asks if I want anything.

I shake my head and she dismisses the waitress before staring off at the shore of the lake.

"I was devastated the night Natalia called me to tell me she was getting married to the man I had fallen in love with...And I jumped at the opportunity to get back at her.To make her feel what I felt all those years.Sleeping with Christian...It was like I finally had something to offer.Something Natalia couldn’t give him," she snarls bitterly.

"Did you think Natalia was at fault for all of your misfortunes?" I ask, wanting to know how a sister could be so eager to hurt her own family.

"Did she ever make you feel inferior? Did she deserve your resentment?" silently, her shoulders shaking with every small sob.

I watch her carefully, trying to understand her skewed anger for an innocent person.

As far as I can remember, Natalia was very patient with her sister, doing her best to keep her close and safe, yet even I could tell, neither of them knew each other too well.

Many of their interactions were often a bit awkward or even forced, as if a wall were keeping them apart.

"Natalia was always the favorite," Vanessa finally whispers.

"I didn’t think she needed anything from me...She didn’t need to fight for our parents' love.It was just given to her.Everything was just handed to her, while I-" She fights back her tears and shrugs.

"I couldn’t even get a ‘good job’ or an ‘I’m proud of you’."

"You think she didn’t have any challenges?" I ask.

"You think it was easy being Luna for her?"

"I don’t-"

"Alpha Christopher despised her...Several members, myself included, did not think she could do it." I retort.

"Nothing about being Luna was easy for her."

"I thought...I just thought that-"

"You thought what? That your problems would just She nods, wiping away her tears with her sleeve.

"I’m sorry."

"Sorry for what? Natalia or yourself?" I ask, knowing her answer will determine my decision and her fate.

"I-I don’t ....I don’t-"

She looks frantically around the diner as if in search of the best answer, but only she knows how she truly feels.

"I don’t know.I’m just sorry for everything!"

She finally snaps, slamming a fist on the table.

"I’m sorry I hurt her.I’m sorry I destroyed what little we had.I’m sorry I’m such a screw up who can’t do anything right.I’m sorry you got me for a mate.I’m sorry I exist!"

She throws her head on the table, shielding her face with her arms as she cries.

"I’m just sorry!"

A part of me understands her guilt for I have been living with mine for years.

I had not only stood by and done nothing to help Natalia, but I had also allowed Christian to spiral in silence.

It was only after his most recent kill that I alerted the elders and called for his removal.

How many lives would I have saved had I only spoken up sooner about his wolf going mad? Knowing Vanessa is not the only one who's made but I can’t seem to bring myself to touch her.

Casper protests with whines but I do not dare act on my feelings.

"I am worthless..." Vanessa whimpers.

"And I was stupid to think I could ever have a happily ever after with a mate after what I did.I am not meant to be happy and I am too tired to figure out why...So I ask again, are you here to kill me?" I stare blankly at her, wondering if my love alone would be enough to fix what’s broken inside her.

"I don’t have much to live for at the moment and I’m too much of a coward to do it myself, so if you are, can I ask for a favor?" She asks in a small whisper, clasping her hands together anxiously.

"Can I hold your hand one more time? I just… I just want to feel the sparks again."

There’s a tinge of hope in her voice and something inside me shatters knowing that the only thing she has left to live for right now is the prospect of feeling my touch one last time.

My eyes fall to her flat belly, wondering if the pup growing inside her would help her find peace.

She follows my gaze, her hands shielding her stomach protectively from my eyes.

Her voice trails off as she comes to the realization that she is pregnant, her arms wrapping around her torso protectively.

A small smile of hope curls on her lips before a look of absolute terror washes over her face.

"No..." She whimpers.

"No...please don’t! Please don’t hurt my baby! I-I promise I won’t come back to Silver Crest! I'll leave for good, I promise.I'll give Christain his divorce.I'll step aside in peace for Natalia.I'll do anything, please just...Just let me keep my baby! Please!"

Her cries draw attention from some of the other patrons in the room, several casting looks of concern towards us.I try to calm her down, but the more I attempt to do so, the more she panics.

"Nessa," I hiss, keeping my voice low as Vanessa cries hysterically and begs for the life of her unborn child.

"I swear it’s not Christian’s.It won’t interfere with his plans!"she whimpers, clutching her stomach.

"Please, I’m begging you! Not my baby!"

Afraid someone may call the cops on us, I reach across the table to cup her cheeks, pulling her in for a kiss.

My lips tingle with sparks as Vanessa’s body relaxes and she melts into my kiss, allowing herself to just be mine for just.When I pull away, I stare deep into the sea of green looking back at me with fear, my own guilt and shame overwhelming my emotions for even considering hurting her.

For too long, I have let Christian’s mistakes slide, carrying out his orders without question like a good Beta and keeping silent about all his misdeeds.

I never said a word to Natalia about her sister and her husband's betrayal and I regret not helping her then.I will not make the same mistake now.

"Christian has ordered me to terminate your pregnancy," I whisper, fresh tears spilling onto Vanessa’s cheeks.

"But I won't do it.I won’t hurt you, I swear," I add with confidence, gently caressing her cheeks and enjoying the sparks tingling at my fingertips.

"You didn’t accept my rejection," I murmur.