Too Beautiful for the Alpha novel Chapter 12

In the morning, Alpha Grant is gone, so I leave my bedroom and head to the kitchen for breakfast. Gail and Theresa are there, and I sit with them at the small table. Gail had already whipped something up, and she sets the plate in front of me only two seconds after I take a seat. "What is Alpha Grant's first name?" I ask and they both give me odd looks.

"You don't know?" Theresa asks.

"He hasn't told me."

"It's James, after his father," Gail says.

I nod. How perfect. "How long have you two been at the pack house?"

"I've been for five years, and Theresa has been here forever."

Theresa smiles. "I've been since James was a young one."

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I can't help but ask, "What was James like as a child?" It feels odd to call Alpha Grant, James. It feels as if I am playing Julianna and him, his father.

"He was quiet. Never had a sibling. Sadly his mother passed away before she had another, yet I don't know if it was in the books for the two. He observed a lot. He would observe people very closely, yet hardly ever spoke a word. Odd child, but he grew up eventually. They all do," Theresa shares. "He's become a good Alpha, that's for sure. He's taken after his father. Both strong leaders."

I nod again.

She has stopped coming by at night ever since I had told her to leave that one time. I wonder if she'd gone to James about it, but if she had I'd never know anyway. I'm glad she's gone. It helps me sleep. My trips to the liquor cabinet and into the woods seem to be over, due to that.

I've spoken to my mother and she continues to press me about visiting, but I continue to tell her that I am simply too busy learning about Luna duties. She tells me about the pack and how things are going well. She says that she can bring more of my things from the house when she visits, and I sigh. I wish she could visit. I've missed her.

After James kissed me and after I sat in the shower, I laid in bed until my body gave up and dozed off. It took too long, and when I managed to fall asleep it didn't last. I was woken by noises coming from down the hall—nothing sexual—so I peeked out my door, spying through the crack. I saw James leaving his bedroom and going downstairs to do who knows what. I heard the front door open, then I knew he went outside somewhere. It was two in the morning, so I thought there had been a pack issue.

I have so many things to ask him, yet I know he won't answer one. I don't know what to think after he kissed me. I don't know what's going on in his head. He is like a closed book with no words—I couldn't read him if I tried, though I do wonder if he watches me, if he observes me. I wonder what he has learned from that.

* * *

I have to leave. I know I have to leave. It will hurt. I will want to come back just to see his face again, but I can't. I can never come back here. I have to fight myself—like quitting a drug. No matter how much I want it, I can never return. I can never have him.

When James comes home late at night, I sneak from my bed and begin to gather my things. I will have to leave my books and music behind, but that is the least of my worries. Last time I was lucky, no rogues came on my path, but I am not so sure this time. Getting past the borders is difficult enough, and I am no fighter. When the guard mentioned that I wouldn't last a night out there... Is it really worth it? Is this worth dying over? No. I don't want to die in the middle of the woods and rot until someone stumbles upon my decaying body.

Maybe the rogues aren't violent. Maybe I am overreacting, but with James leaving in the middle of the night and Will constantly coming with issues, I can't help but think there has been an influx of rogues in the area. That guard was smart enough to warn me, too. Maybe I should stay.

I drop my things and sit down on my bed, not sure what to do. Where would I even go? Back to that town? Back to my pack? I'm not sure how to get back there. I'll die in the forest alone, by rogues or by goddess knows what lurks in there. I can't defend myself like that, I've never had to survive on my own. There are too many things pushing against me. Leaving alone is no longer an option, but what if I get help. That guard, Theodore, maybe he can help me. He said himself that he doesn't care for Alpha Grant either.

I don't know where to find him, and I shouldn't do anything drastic now.

Maybe a guard at the borders can help me. Maybe if I find just one who understands they'll tell me if it's safe out there or not. Knowing is better than not knowing.

I should ask now before James wakes up and before Theresa and Gail come in the morning. I'm given the most time at night. The guards do not know that I am their Alphas Mate, so worst comes to worst they'll tell me to back off and I will. I have to prepare myself. This is smart, I know it is. I'm going to do something good for myself, and once I'm done I'll come back here and make my decision whether it's safe to leave at this time or if I should wait a month or two. This is smart. This is good.

The midnight air steals away the heat from my face, sharp against my cheeks as I feel the tip of my nose growing numb. I should have grabbed a coat, but I don't expect to be out here for long. It's just a simple question. Has there been an influx of rogues? Could you tell me?

I join the trees and once I get close, I call out to warn them of my presence. "Excuse me? Is anyone over here?" I walk farther and watch my feet, making sure I don't fall. "Hello? Are there any guards?"

Then I hear the wonderful, familiar calling, "You're too close to the borders. Go back."