Too Beautiful for the Alpha novel Chapter 4

I lay in my bed for an hour before locating my runaway bag on the floor, hyping myself up for the reckless thing I am about to do. It didn't take much to convince myself, only a few scenarios and a look or two in the mirror. Only a stupid girl would think that Alpha Grant is taking me back to his pack to reject me, there is no point in that, it's ridiculous. I know who I am, what I am supposed to be. I know what I have convinced myself, and being mated to an Alpha is not part of my plan. It ruins everything.

If I could, I would give him to one of the other girls, someone who he can love and love with no doubt. They would be so happy, telling everyone with a proud look, showing him off like a prize won. She'd be the perfect Luna, that girl.

Tossing in the last of my things, I slide up my window and pop out the screen, leaving a giant hole for me to fly out of. I drop my bag to the grass first, watching with a racing heart as it hits the ground with an uncomfortable thud. There is no way I am jumping, I'll break something—likely an ankle or leg—and I can't run away with broken bones.

Opting for the front door, I close it slowly behind me and rush around back to swipe up my bag. In a very nervous and tired jog, I head for the trees.

Like a drunk woman, I have no plan but to head off into the night. All my dizzy head knows is that I must get away for him. Once he's gone tomorrow, I'll come back and apologize to my mother for disappearing. All I have to do tonight is hold up for a day, staying hidden, and wait for my mate to give up and go home. He'll forget about me when he's back at his pack, reunited with plenty of women and responsibilities to distract him. I will be Rae who?

I am delusional, aren't I?

Maybe I swiped four glasses instead of two.

I should have never gone to that horrifying gathering. It is just one clump of perfect people trying to match up and have perfect futures with perfect children and romance, aging and learning together. The more I think about it, the more my inner self yearns for it, so I numb myself from such thoughts. I find it harder to stick in the needle after finding this Alpha, though. I am blindfolded and stabling into whatever feels like skin.

Stumbling over a protruding tree root, I snap back to life and come to a pause. I've made it into the forest, denser than at the center of the pack. If my useless head hasn't done me completely wrong, then home is that way, right behind me.

Dropping my bag to the ground, cushioned by tall, sparse sprouts of grass, I sigh and look up to the sky. The moon is there, sneaking through the trees like a predator ready to pounce. It's the Goddess gazing down at me, shaking her head, arms crossed from my foolishness. I give her a wave, she doesn't wave back.

Crouching down and falling to my butt, I pick at the dirt, scooping up pebbles and tossing them to the side, a bored child. In this grave I dig shall be the final resting place of my sanity.

I wish he could see me like this, the Alpha. This would surely make him reject me now instead of forcing me to go off to his pack. I look like a lunatic, a drunk idiot playing with dirt in the middle of the night all to avoid her newly discovered Alpha Mate. A sour girl who is judgmental and cold, jealous by those who have what she could never grasp. This will only make me worse, being mated to an Alpha. It is as if I have been given the most expensive gift only to be unable to open it. It just sits there, staring at me, never able to be used by me. It's a cruel gift and I want to give it back.

By the time the sun begins to rise, I find myself dragging my bag along as I walk back to the house. A failure making her walk of shame.

I can't reject an Alpha. The moon goddess would never let that happen to her favorite children, but I'm sure I wouldn't be able to anyways.

When I sneak back into the house, back upstairs into my bedroom, I discover it to be six o'clock. My mother should be up any second now. She will be coming into my room, getting me up as well. She'll probably be excited, helping me 'get ready' for the dreaded eight o'clock. And she does.

I sit on my bed as she packs up things, essentials. I toss in a few books here and there, my iPod, headphones, my favorite socks—lonely girls things. I don't care what she puts in. I lay back and take deep breaths, calming my raging nerves, my racing heart, and warming my frozen fingertips. Slowly, my body grows cold. The infection of the Mate bond is eating me alive from the inside out.

When the knock comes to the door my mother gasps then rushes downstairs, yelling at me to finish everything up as she does so. While I zip up the two bags, I dream of the feelings the wine from the gathering gave me, wanting to feel it all again right now. A part of me misses dizzy and reckless Rae, so maybe she doesn't have to go. Maybe she can stay. If I am going to be Alpha Grant's embarrassment of a Mate—something hidden in a box in the attic—I might as well find entertainment in myself. I wonder if I'll see him now, or at all. Maybe we will be in separate houses at all times, maybe he just needs to know that I am there.

I am going with him for power, right?