Zero and Beauty's Breath (A Satan Sniper's Motorcycle Club Series Book 3 - 4) novel Chapter 32

Since Beggar has returned, I haven't witnessed an episode.

I thought maybe she was better, now I know I just didn't want to notice.

Since our time in the barn, I have avoided her.

I knew I was going to do it, I knew that moment was a selfish part of my doing.

For that one moment I wanted to have her and I did. I walked away from her that day, moving on with Quinn.

I was straight up with Quinn that night, I told her what I did, I gave her the chance to leave me, and she almost did. But the woman had a thick fucking skin and took it in stride.

Not saying the shit between us has been a bed and fuck load of roses, she gives me shit about Beggar every time.

But I let her, Quinn is a good woman, I know this now because if she wasn't she would've confronted Beggar about it, made a scene, did something nasty, but she hasn't.

And to show my gratitude I stay away from Beggar. She is my past, and I have managed to keep it that way these last four and a half weeks.

It slipped my mind that Beggar wasn't just any woman, she was a woman with deep bone issues and I used to be one of those people who could make it stop.

This entire month I spent some much energy hating her as she glared at me whenever I stepped in the room, her eyes accusing me that I forgot that she had real-life demons.

One minute I was cursing her for wearing that tight vest that hugged her perky tits.

She only ever wore stuff that covered her neck and back, but it was always tight.

Next, I was bearing witness to the scars of a woman who made me a man and brought me to my knees.

I screamed, “Enough” and went for her, only she didn't obey like she once did.

Hannah, After and Venus all rushed to her aid in hysterics, but what stopped my feet from moving was Killer's chair hitting the ground as he pushed all the women aside and lifted her into his arms like he had all rights to her.

Soft words from his mouth to her ear as he rushed off with her, was what she listened to, what calmed her.

Yet, It didn't stop me from following him with the girls right on my tail.

Now it is an hour later and we're sitting in Killer's room.

The black blinds are drawn, as After sits huddled in the corner on the carpet, talking in low voices with Mercy and Spade.

Venus and Hannah are on the king-sized bed. Venus lying across the end of the charcoal comforter and Hannah perked up against the headboard and two pillows reading her textbook.

I am sitting back-to-front on the study chair by the door, looking at Beggar's peaceful form as she sleeps in another brother's room.

Sitting here has me questioning everything, all over again, it is safe in my mind but it is there-Her and I. This woman makes me ache in ways I don't want to ache from.

I will rather be tortured a million times over than endure this.

How do I not choose her? How do I ever walk away from Beggar, the one woman who made me feel- I can't. It is impossible.

Killer left after he put her down, I didn't get it, if he wants her why leave.

Then again it was Killer, one never understands why he does what he does, so I would be wrong to assume.

Beggar stirs and it feels like she locks this rope around my chest and pulls me in.

I feel almost trapped, and I hate this fucking feeling.

I get up and pull the door open, high-tail it out of the room as her soul hums to mine.

Disinfectant clogs my sense as I rush down the stairs, straight to the bar.

Killer, Texas, and Whisp take up three chairs on the left, as I go around the bar, grab a bottle of Jack off the shelves on the wall and a glass from the counter.

The cap is off in seconds and I pour the liquid in to the glass until it is full, then chuck it back and fill it up again as the burn from the alcohol begins to numb me.

“Don't get drunk, we need you to track Stacy. Mercy and After will be joining you. I need to be here.” Because Beggar needs him, not me.

Killer doesn't say the words but they are loud and clear. I keep my mouth shut, because what the fuck am I going to say, Beggar and I are done.

Killer is moving in or has already. Any day now he'd be claiming her.

I down my next glass as Whisp starts talking about her assignment she is going on with Jade on collecting in-tel on Lucca's whereabouts.

It seems like everywhere I go these days is surrounded by Beggar, she doesn't even have to be in the room. And it honestly frustrates the fuck out of me.

The fact is I can't be with her, she tried to kill my brother, she almost succeeded. His enemy is my enemy and soon I would need to face them both when he returns from his stay with my dad. It won't be long.

My iphone rings as I finish off the amber liquid.