Zero and Beauty's Breath (A Satan Sniper's Motorcycle Club Series Book 3 - 4) novel Chapter 4

Our child that I keep telling him didn't survive, a truth, a lie.

It wasn't that way initially. First he tried charm, and I admit that I considered falling for it and giving in.

But my survival instincts wouldn't let me be so stupid to think he of all people had an ounce of empathy in his body.

It didn't take him long to get fed up with my bullshit, because that is exactly what it was 'bullshit'.

I took pride a few weeks after, in stabbing him in his sleep with a nail file he so eagerly handed me to clean my nails with.

That led to me finally getting collard.

After that it was a few attempts here and there in the past months that eventually got me from living in a fully furnished room with a warm bed, sleeping next to my monster, to an empty room, naked and cold just like a stray dog.

Lucca insists every night, it is my fault.

He has convinced himself that he is teaching me a lesson and eventually one day I would smile and look back on this time as a small wrinkle in our story.

That just tells me how fucked up he is, because I rather live in an empty room, sleeping on a cold floor.

Not only am I away from him for those hours but it reminds me everyday of why I keep my silence.

It reminds me that I need to live to finish what I have started.

An unfamiliar comfort is a worse torture than the familiar struggle I face.

“Amariya, vieni, e ora di andare a casa,” Amariya, come, it is time to go home.

I should argue with my husband, that is what normal married people do, but I don't.

Our marriage is not normal.

Lucca Sanati is the sworn enemy of the blood that runs through my veins.

It is why he turned around and showed me who he really was all those years ago while he pretended to love me.

I once hated my family, the blood that was my own for this very reason.

Now I am glad for it, because I see him, I don't see the potential of what he could be.

I should make a scene now, it is what a kidnapped woman would do. But I am not kidnapped, I am a prisoner, a willing one.

This is my life.

I had years running from this man, and months loving him.

I know Lucca.

The best thing I can do is bide my time.

His men that raped me are now all dead except three. He hunts them down, a way to try and redeem himself for leaving me naked in a ditch, to the onslaught of his fucked up men, that claim to be made.

But a made man has honor, his men have none.

Lucca doesn't realize, he is worst than them.

Torture, rape it is all the same.

He raped me too, claiming I was his, and I lived with it because I never had anyone show me another way.

It became my living hell.

Lucca knew who I was and he still made me love him, showing me a side to him that he knew a homeless beggar like myself wouldn't even dream of.

Someone who cared.

I was fooled by the few nights I had in his bed where he showed me gentle. My mind believed he was my savior, and my body believed he was my owner.

Only he wasn't.

Lucca was my rapist, my tormentor, and my abuser.

The worst of them all, because even knowing all that, I still loved him.

When I told him so, he spat on me, and choked me, screaming and laughing as he repeated,

“SCREAM BEGGAR, YOU FILTHY DIRTY BEGGAR I SAID SCREAM.”

Then he fucked me and threw me in a pit where he left me. I screamed and screamed until his men came.

Now he barely touches me, besides for the occasional knuckles on my cheek, which is still too much contact.

I say nothing to his touch, not wanting to push him.

He is so close to snapping.

But as long as his men stay away from me, I see it as a win.

Though, a few nights back he mentioned that 'skin privileges' as he calls it will be shared as soon as 'the biker' is dead.

He means Zero.

I know his reason is all bullshit and that there is more to his reason.