“When I was younger and Kylie was born, my mamma went into early labour, she was already pushing forty. Kylie’s father was worried about his baby and I was there just worrying about my mamma. A doctor walked out, it was only good news, today I can’t say the same Beggar. Your baby didn’t make it.”
“Did you wait for the good news?”
“Yeah, I waited a long time.”
I nod my head and for the first time in a long time I scramble backwards, knees to chest, hair falling over my face, hands on my toes. Head to my knees but it doesn’t touch, it mustn’t.
Killer leaves me alone after delivering me the news. Shouldn’t say I am surprised my baby didn’t make it.
Lives been throwing me dry lemons since before I was born. It made sure that I had no way of making lemonade too.
I can smell, and sense him before he even walks through that door. The fact that he does is a shocker. I have been here for two days.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” I say as my hair hides my face.
I once not too long ago thought that my hair hid my soul, I became invisible.
But with the Enforcer, I know that I have never been more naked than I am right now.
“I’m sorry, I failed.”
His words strike me and I look at him through the gaps between my hair.
White tee and blue denims. I smile when I think of how silly thoughts pop into your head at the worst of times.
“You never failed Zero, I have been given a hard life because I was able to handle it. For a long time, I blamed my mother for everything, and somewhere along the way I felt so guilty. I chose to remember what I wanted her to be, because I knew that wonderful feeling a mother gets when she sees her baby for the first, even if it is on the side of a highway. I wanted to believe my mother felt something for me. I forgot the truth. My mother was bi-polar, her real name was Sofia Catelli. She found out that my father was Capo Dei Capi and decided the streets were safer to raise her unborn baby than under the roof of a killer.”
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