Accidental Surrogate for Alpha novel Chapter 191

Ella

When I return to the present, the room is completely silent. Henry is still holding my hand, though he also holds a bucket in case I need te be sick. Leon is watching mę closely, as if trying to decipher my mental state. Gabriel, Phil!ppe and Roger look on from the doorway in a horrified hush. I hadn’t been wild about having them here with me during such a vulnerable time, but in the end we agreed that we needed as many brains on the case as possible. Besides, I’m discovering that I don’t really mind having so many friends on hand this really is a strange new world for me.

“Do you want me to bring you out of the ether, Ella?” Leon finally asks, and I realize that he hadn’t been forced to give me the antidote this time. I’m still floating along under the influence of the drug, still in the safe embrace of the high despite the horrible things I’ve just remembered. I’m not feeling yet, not processing, and I don’t think I want I shake my” updated by jobnib.com” head in refusal, moving my hand to my belly. The baby reaches out to me through our bond, uncertain and afraid. Had he understood my fear, my helplessness? Or did all he know was that I was suffering? “Can I have something nice?” I request, not truly knowing what I want or need. “

Something for the baby?”

“I have just the thing,” Henry replies, pulling out his phone. He presses a b.utton, and then the sound of Sinclair’s purrs fills the air. I forgot I’d sent him the recording my mate provided earlier today, but now I’m beyond glad of it. Rafe and I instantly calm, and though longing for Sinclair tugs viciously at my heart, I sink deeper into the plush sofa and try to lose myself in the cozy sound.

“Anything else?” Henry inquires, stroking my hair.

“Do we have any popsicles?”I sniffle, and for the first time I realize my cheeks are soaked with tears. For a moment I revel in the sensation of the salty moisture on my skin, of the burning in my eyes. Everything seems so different in this state, and I could spend hours exploring the feelings – if only I didn’t have to dig into my past as well.

“IIl check the kitchens, and if they’re out I’ll get some.” Roger promises, slipping out of the room.

“Let’s talk about what just happened.” Leon suggests once I’ve relaxed. Of course, this is the last thing I want to do, now that the memory is over I want to leave it in the past where it belongs

“Do we have to?” I inquire in a small voice, trying to disappear into the couch. Stupid sofa, my wolf thìnks, I want my nest, why do we keep doing this here? It’s all lumpy and there aren’t nearly enough pìllows Where am I supposed to be now?

“1 thìink we should.” Leon answers gently. interrupting my inner animal. “We didn’t talk about our last session because it was so distressing, but you seem to be steadier now.” He pauses, and when l don’t respond he continues. “I know you’re only doing this to find answers for the war, but my job isn’t the answers, Ella – it’s not even the war. My job is your mental health, it’s helping you understand and deal with the things we discover in a productive way.”

“Dominic wouldn’t make me.”l counter petulantly, reaching for Henry’s phone so that I can balance the device on my tummy. The speaker thumps against my baby bump, the volume growing louder for my pup and allowing us both to feel the vibrations as if he were really here with us.

“I’m not sure that’s true, little mother.” Henry warns me, in that paternal voice that both warms my soul and annoys my wolf for being bossy.

“I’ve been doing fine without this warlock’s help.”

I argue instead, and I hear Gabriel smother a snort of laughter.

You tell him. My wolf encourages. Nosey wolf.

Remind him that our mate could k!ll him with no more than his little finger if he wanted.

“Have you really?” Leon questions, not seeming the least bit bothered by my insult. “Just because you didn’t remember these things, it doesn’t mean they weren’t hurting you – affecting the way you interact with the world.”

“We don’t have time for this.” I insist. “I understand you want to help, but I’m more concerned with finding out who these priests are, why they keep turning up in my past.”

“So you aren’t bothered by the fact that you k!lled those men?” Leon prods curiously. “Did you know you were capable of such violence before, even in self defense? Did you imagine you would have such a sk!ll for it?”

His words slice through me, and suddenly it feels as though I have ice in my veins. I did k!ll those men. I took their lives without a second thought, and with no remorse. They’d deserved it.. hadn’t they? They were going to hurt me, r*pe me, sell me like chattel… but that doesn’t change the fact that I murdered them. It’s because of me that they no longer exist on this earth. Did they have families?

People who mourned them? Children I rendered fatherless – no! Stop this, it won’t do any good.

“Talking about it won’t change the past.” I insist. “