Accidental Surrogate for Alpha novel Chapter 202

Ella

After shopping with Cora and napping away the afternoon with the pups in the nursery, I find my way to Henry’s rooms. The guards told me he just returned from the refugee camp, but when he opens the door for me he’s all smiles. I give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and he welcomes me in. “You wouldn’t happen to be in the mood for an afternoon snack, would you?” He inquires knowingly. “Because personally I’m starving.”

I’m fairly certain this is a plot to make sure I’m feeding myself well, but my stomach growls loudly as I find a seat on the couch. Still, I try to sound demure as I shrug, “I could eat.”

Henry laughs before calling down to the kitchens and ordering a small feast. As we eat he tells me all about his day at the refugee camp and I, in turn, share my frustration with my sudden celebrity and Cora’s news about Roger. He can only shake his head. “That boy has made some bad choices in his life, but I’ve been very proud of him these last few months. I never thought I’d see the day that my sons would repair their relationship. You know that’s down to you, don’t you?” He asks warmly, an affectionate twinkle in his eye.

“Oh, don’t say that. I’m so tired of getting credit for things that just so happened to occur in my general vicinity.” I complain, slumping back and rubbing my full belly. “Not that I don’t appreciate the compliments… I just… perfection is an impossible thing to live up to… and I am so far from perfect it’s laughable. I don’t want to end up with a reputation that I’m destined to fall short of – I’m only human after all.” A moment after the words leave my mouth, I realize they aren’t true. “I mean, not human, but I’m just a person like everyone else.”

“No one said you were perfect, Ella.” Henry reminds me pointedly. “I said that you brought Dominic and Roger back together – which is true. If you read more into that then I think you’re projecting at best, and giving yourself too much credit at worst.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Fair enough. I suppose no one has said I’m perfect… I just… I can see the hope and the expectation in their eyes. The refugees, the servants, random people on the street… even my guards. Everyone is looking at me as though I’m the solution to this war, the ruined secrecy pact… but I’m the same person I was yesterday. I don’t have the answers to these problems.” Seeming to sense there’s more, Henry stays silent, and I catch a rogue tear slipping from the corner of my eye. “I’m terrified that I’m going to fail them all, Henry.”

Henry wheels around the coffee table, which bears the wreckage of our feast, and takes my hand in his. “Dearheart, that is part of being a pack leader. Every Alpha and every Luna has had the same fear, and I know it feels overwhelming, but it’s also your strength. Duty to your people, the desire to do right by them will keep you centered, it’s what will guide you forward through the hardest days of your reign. Now, I know the problems you’re facing are a lot bigger than what most Luna’s have to deal with, but I promise you aren’t alone in feeling this way. That’s why the responsibility is so grave.”

His words ring true, especially as I think about Sinclair. I know my mate struggles with the incredible weight of caring for all those in his territory, of living up to his title and doing his best for his people, but it still feels different to me.

“But most Alpha’s and Lunas have some idea what they’re doing.” I argue weakly. “They know this world, they’ve learned and prepared their whole lives from watching their predecessors. They know the history, the society and all of it’s challenges. I’m not even a decent ambassador to human society because my experiences were pretty damn niche.”

Henry smiles tenderly, “I’m going to give you some advice that will help you as both parent and pack leader. There are countless days ahead where you will feel uncertain, where you’re overwhelmed and exhausted and all you can do is pray that you’re not messing up your child or your people in some irreparable way.”

“Is this supposed to be comforting?” I squeak, cradling my belly protectively and wishing I could keep my son in the safe haven of my womb until this wretched war is over.

Henry chuckles good-naturedly. “The advice is just to keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you step back and think about everything at once, the weight will crush you. Just take it one day at a time, and before you know it, you’ll realize that you had what it takes all along. It won’t be easy – but I promise you, nothing is more rewarding.”

“Thank you.” I profess tearily, reaching forward to hug him. “That isn’t even what I came to talk to you about, but I guess I needed to get it out.”

“Exactly.” He purrs, patting my back. “Poor little mother, I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this alone.”

“But I’m not alone.” I correct him with a watery smile. “I have a family for the first time in my life – and I don’t mean the one who gave me up.” I clarify, wiping my eyes. “I’m so grateful to you all. I admit, it’s been one hell of a learning curve to figure out how to talk about my feelings, but I have to admit Dominic was right – it helps.” I glance at my father-in-law. “Don’t tell him I said he was right.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Henry promises, swiping his fingers over his lips and throwing away the key. “So what did you want to talk to me about?”