Alpha alec's redemption (Sadie) novel Chapter 191

Alec

I’m still rooted to my spot as Sadie’s words continue playing through my mind like a broken record.

I want to ask if I am that terrible. So terrible that she would wish I were dead. I can't, though, because I know that I was a monster to her. Worse than a monster, actually.

"Alec," I hear Piper's soft, broken voice calling my name, but I don’t turn towards her.

My eyes and focus are on Sadie’s retreating back. Shoulder straight and head held up high, she doesn’t give us another glance. It’s like we are nothing but dust at her feet.

She disappears from my sight and I rub the area around my chest. I feel like I’ve just taken a huge blow to the chest. It aches and there is no way to alleviate the pain sitting there.

“Alec” Piper calls me once again and this time I turn towards her.

Tears are still falling down her face and the pain she’s feeling is clear in her eyes. She has one hand around her neck and the other around her waist. She has folded into herself, almost as if she were trying to ward off her pain and the impact of Sadie’s words.

I take a deep breath just as she says, “She hates me.”

“You are not the only one she hates, Piper. She hates the entire pack and hates me more than she hates anyone else.”

The words are like a burden. Weighing down on me. Compressing my lungs until I can barely breathe. I want the damn heaviness to go away. I want the pain to disappear. I just want to go back to times when I didn’t feel so empty. So stripped of who I am.

Is this how she felt? Every time I cursed her in that fucking dungeon. Every time I told her, I hated her. Every time I wished she had died with her parents. Is this how she felt? Broken? Empty? Lost?

I had naively thought that nothing could compare to the pain I went through when Lola rejected me, but I was wrong. So fucking wrong.

Sadie rejecting me and showing her hate towards me makes me feel like my heart and soul have been put through a mincer. As if they have been shredded into nothing but ground meat. It feels like I have been stripped of everything that makes me and have been left with nothing.

I begin walking, but each step feels like it’s filled with lead. Right now, I just want to be alone. I want to wallow in my misery and lick my wounds. I know that I vowed to fight for her, but after her words moments ago, I’m not sure if there is anything I can do to change her opinion of me.

Sadie loved me. Talking to Piper three years ago made me realize that Sadie actually loved me. It wasn’t just a silly crush or an unhealthy obsession. She genuinely loved me.

Back then, I had mocked her love. I was disgusted by it and by her. I remember thinking, Who the hell would ever want to be loved by someone as vicious and black-hearted as Sadie?

Now I crave the same love I had once mocked and hated. Now, I wish I could turn things around and have her love me. Now, I wish Sadie could look at me with warmth and love.

“Where are you going?” Piper asks, following behind me.

“To my office,” my answer is direct and straight to the point.