Cold is my most vivid impression of Alaska, and even though I moved to this town two months ago, I still cannot get used to its cold.
There were very few people in this town, and maybe that's one of the reasons why it's even colder. Seattle was much nicer, and I knew it because there were people there with whom I could relax.
Since I’ve been here, even though I was with my mom, she wished more than anyone that I wasn't her daughter. I tried every way I could to please her, but her eyes remained cold as a stranger's, and she thought I was to blame for her terrible life.
I knew from a young age that I was an unwanted existence. No one wanted me. My mother Marilyn told me I shouldn't have been born, but she couldn't afford an abortion. I tried my best to be useful, to get beaten less.
I didn't hate Marilyn. My father abandoned us, and her life had always been miserable. The men she met were all jerks who squeezed her dry of money before leaving her. Only my current stepfather, Jack, stayed.
Because he didn't want to work, he just wanted to drink, and Marilyn enjoyed having a man willing to be with her. She was willing to pay all of Jack's bills, but she hated me. No matter how much I told her Jack was a jerk, she would just yell at me, saying if I continued to disrespect Jack, she would kick me out.
I kept quiet, just praying for the day I turned 18 so I could leave them and live on my own.
"Ella! I don't want to be called to school, so you'd better *** come downstairs!" Mom's angry voice came from downstairs, and I quickly picked a sweater from the closet and slipped on me, which obviously didn't fit my size, it was too big.
It was a style a few years ago. My mom picked it up in the trash and she thought it would suit me。
I had to close my eyes tight and take a deep breath. As I went downstairs, my mother, Marilyn, was waiting in the kitchen.
“Is that what you’re wearing for your first day of school?” Marilyn scoffed, looking me up and down. “Well, not everyone can afford new clothes like you.” I shot back with a sneer.
I want to grab a sandwich from the fridge before school.But Marilyn barged over and slammed the door shut. I couldn't take my little finger back in time and it got red and swollen as the door was jammed shut on it.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? You know the rules. You want to eat, you buy your own food.” She snapped at me.
“I haven’t been paid yet.” I held back the pain and said as calmly as I could.
“I don’t care. Why don’t you call Celie? I know that she loves to help you out? We haven’t received a check from her since we moved here two months ago. She won't change her promise, right?” Marilyn said with a look of contempt in her eyes as I finally freed my finger from the fridge door.
I took a deep breath. Marilyn was my mom, but she acted like Celie was my mom, and I'd rather Celie was.
“Celie said that it could take a while since we moved. And it’s not like this town gets a whole lot of mail on a regular basis.” I gave up, I fingered the few coins in my pocket, I could find some food outside to eat.
“Don’t be a smart ass to me.” She glared in my eyes. Whew, I had to get out of here. But a body that smelled of alcohol stopped me and he tried to hug me.
“Going to school? Remember to stay away from those stupid high school kids, okay?” Disgusting! I quickly pushed him away, Jack, my stepfather always seized any gap where my mom wasn't around and tried to flirt with me.
For two months, I'd told Marilyn about the way Jack treated me, but every time she angrily told me to cut the bullshit. She despised my terribly flat figure, and how could Jack, whom she loved dearly, betray her? I couldn't handle the way Marilyn was treating me anymore, and in another year I'd be out of here and away from these assholes.
I walked out. I actually hated the cold.
I looked around at the woods that were surrounding our house with no neighbors in sight at all. I looked back at the dilapidated two-story bare wood house that I had to call home but should really be condemned and I let out a sigh as I heard Jack yelling inside before I started walking down the long driveway.
"It's okay, Ella. Just one more year, and you can kick those jerks' asses hard," Eva consoled me. I shook my head, I just wanted to get away. She was always in my head when I was alone and she knew that everyone around me didn't believe she existed.
When I tried to explain Ava's existence to Marilyn, she got me to a psychiatrist, that's Celie.
I had no expectations for this treatment. However Celie didn't treat me like I was insane, and for the first time, I looked a stranger straight in the eye.
She told me that Ava did exist and all I had to do was accept her and treat her as my closest friend. She gave me a wink and said that a voice existed in her head as well.
I joked about whether we were aliens, and Celie didn't give me a straight answer.
She wanted me to find out for myself when I turned18. And, she also promised me that she would provide me with the support I needed to live.
I refused, but she told me that a mysterious man had asked her to treat me that way. It was a secret between Celie and I. I never told Marilyn that the check was sponsored by the man behind Celie.
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