I tried to hold my composure as I was walking through town, but it was so hard to do that. As soon as I knew I was away from the main part of town, the tears started streaking my face.
I tried not to draw attention to it, but there wasn’t much I could do to stop it.
I felt like everything was falling apart. Everyone I knew either hated me or they were lying to me.
I thought about going home and that made me feel even worse. I wasn’t sure I could even handle lasting a year here. At first I thought it was just a year. I could do that.
But now, it seemed like this year was going to take forever and I didn’t know how I was going to do it.
I honestly do believe Wendy when she says that she’s my friend. Why wouldn’t she be? She’s done nothing but prove to me that she was my friend and she stood up for me when she didn’t have to. She gave me her old clothes that were practically new to me. They were beautiful. But that doesn’t change the fact that she was hiding something.
Her and the twins were in on something and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was helping them get closer to me, knowing that I didn’t want them to.
She took me to her place, without telling me that the twins lived next door, and they watched us the whole time I was there.
They were talking really seriously about that Dean Calvert guy and I didn’t know what the hell that was about. They wouldn’t tell me.
I feel like there’s some secret society around here and I’m not a part of it. I’m just here to watch while everyone else does their thing and I’m just supposed to watch from the sidelines.
By the time I reached the edge of my driveway, my cheeks were stained with my tears and my face was hot and red from crying.
I walked up to the house and Marilyn’s car was still in front of the house and I walked up the stairs and inside the front door.
She was just walking downstairs in her work uniform but she stopped at the bottom when she saw my face.
She looked at the bruises on my face where the concealer had been washed away by my tears and because I had been wiping my face on the way home.
She was blocking my way upstairs and she slowly walked up to me.
I looked up and stared her in the eye when I saw the sneer come across her face. She wasn’t going to give me any sort of comfort at all. She wasn’t going to give me anything that a mother should.
I don’t know why I expected her to.
“What the hell is all this then? Where the hell did you get these clothes from?” She asked, pulling on the black jacket.
I tried to ignore her and walk past her towards the stairs, but she grabbed me by the arm and threw me against the wall.
“You are everything that I said you are, aren’t you? Using your pathetic looks to trade favors with guys at school.” She spat at me.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.
“Making yourself look so pathetic so guys will feel sorry for you. Is that it? Are you slutting yourself around school to get guys' attention?” She yelled at me.
She was getting even closer to me, pointing her finger in my face and suddenly I felt something just snap inside of me.
Something that I had never felt before. Something that I didn’t even know I was capable of doing.
I slapped her hand away from me and I pushed her away so hard that she hit the wall on the other side of the entrance.
She looked back at me with shock and anger in her eyes, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t having it this time.
“You can go to fucking hell Marilyn. I am not slutting myself around to get anything from guys. I’m not like you.” I yelled. And I saw her face go red and she pushed herself off of the wall.
“What the fuck is that meant to mean?” She yelled.
“Who’s my father? Do you even fucking know? He knocked you up and then disappeared. You decided to have me anyway but you’ve hated me ever since. You’re the last person that should be calling anyone a slut.” I yelled.
“You ungrateful little bitch. I am your mother. Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that?” She yelled.
“My mother? Is that meant to be some sort of joke? Mother’s aren’t pathetic spiteful bastards like you. They don’t steal money from their children. Mother’s don’t accuse their daughters of slutting around school just to be popular with boys. Mother’s don’t ignore their daughters when they are told that their husband is molesting them. Mother’s don’t make their children work for food while they're still at school. You aren’t my fucking mother. My father is nothing but a sperm donor. And you are nothing more than a fucking egg donor. You wouldn’t know how to be a mother if your life fucking depended on it.” I yelled, not knowing where any of this was coming from. I was shocked that I was even able to say any of this to her without breaking down in a panic attack. This was some sort of courage that I had never experienced before.
I had never been game enough to say anything against my mother. I was always too scared to. But I guess, this wasn’t one of those days.
I’d had enough. I was getting bullied at school. I was getting bullied at home. I couldn’t take it. I knew that I wasn’t going to last the year here. There’s no way.
Marilyn stood there staring at me in disbelief for a long time before she finally raised her hand and she slapped me across the face.
“Feel better now?” I asked, calmly. Not even flinching when she hit me.
It’s actually not something that surprised me. I was surprised that she didn’t hit me earlier.
“I want you out of this house.” She said.
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