(BL) Hunting The Field Guide novel Chapter 455

Chapter 455: I’m sorry I can’t change

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you." Rhys whispered quietly, his voice sounding tired. Torn. Kellen swallowed, brushing away the little hurt he felt from the way he’d grabbed him.

"It’s okay. Why are you in the dark, Baby?" Kellen asked softly, and Rhys’ gaze shifted slightly. He scanned Kellen, his eyes roaming him before he sighed and turned his gaze towards the window behind him.

"I just...everything else was too bright. I just needed to rest my eyes." He said and Kellen nodded. He could understand that. Or at least attempt to understand that.

"Alright. That’s fine. I was just worried about you." Kellen told the other man and Rhys’ grip on his wrist tightened.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to add more to your worries." Rhys sounded sad. Quiet. That only worried Kellen more.

"Baby, what’s going on? Did something happen?" Kellen asked and Rhys closed his eyes, the yellow globes disappearing and Kellen felt his body tense.

"Sergei’s not doing well. Even with the guiding, his emotions are making his powers run rampant. He’s doing his best, but even he agrees he should just be put under temporarily. So that’s one Captain down. Green’s going to do it because she’s the highest level healing Esper on the front lines right now. Everyone else agreed." Kellen felt his heart ache. Oh Sergei.

"That’s not good." Kellen muttered quietly and Rhys let out a soft exhale.

"Hearing that made me realise...I’m going to have to do the same thing." Rhys said quietly. As soon as he said the words, the big thing hanging between them got even bigger. The air felt tense, harder to breathe. Kellen gulped.

"Y-You wouldn’t-"

"I would." Rhys said. It held no emotion, and that worried Kellen more. "So I tried to think of other options. I can’t...I can’t see your future Kellen. We’re too intertwined and I can’t see it." Rhys said quietly and it broke his heart. Kellen reached out his other hand, placing it on Rhys’ chest.

"Baby. I know you’re worried, but I...I offered it up to others first." Kellen told him and Rhys let out a shuddering breath.

"You and I both know that it could mean nothing. This is a dangerous mission, and most of the Field Guides on our front lines pulled back from helping after Carter Scott got swallowed whole by the gate. While I...appreciate that you gave over control, that was just you giving yourself more time. I know you’re going in that gate." Kellen felt some damp plop onto his hand and Kellen felt his heart squeeze. Fuck. The big guy was crying again.

Kellen felt his own eyes water.

"I can’t change who I am." Kellen said softly. More forlorn than anything else. He hated that he was causing Rhys this kind of pain.

"What...what if I went in with you?" Rhys asked. "What if we did it together?" He asked and Kellen’s body rejected that before he even knew.

He was shaking his head, his hands shaking almost immediately. The words left his mouth without thought, without processing them.

"No. No you can’t. I can’t have you in there with me." Kellen’s lips trembled as he thought about it. Absolutely not. He couldn’t. His hand shook, and Rhys’ grip tightened on it.

"Why? Why can’t I be there with you? Kellen, you want to go in there on your own. I understand that that’s how you normally work, but I hate the idea of you being in there alone. I-"

"-I won’t be alone. There are others in there that I need to rescue." Kellen protested and Rhys sighed.

"Yes. But they’ll be injured potentially. They won’t be able to help you like I will." Rhys said and Kellen shivered. He didn’t like having this conversation. It didn’t make him feel good. He felt like he was vibrating and his whole body was rejecting this concept. It was the same thing that happened when he’d been confronted by his former friends.

"No, Rhys. You’re a fucking Captain. I can’t just-"

"-And you are my partner! My pair! How the hell am I going to manage while you are in the gate? Are you asking me to be guided by others? When it fucking hurts to accept anyone else’s guiding but yours?" Kellen flinched. Visibly shaking as they continued this conversation.

"I-I-" He really hadn’t thought that far. He thought that...Rhys would just wait for him, but that wasn’t a fair ask either. Kellen didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how long he would be in the gate, but he hated Rhys coming into the gate with him on a visceral level.

Kellen dropped his head, unable to meet Rhys’ gaze.

"I didn’t think. I didn’t want to. I’m not going to be gone that long." Kellen whispered and Rhys snorted.

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