385 Cottage Living
(Winona)
I take a step back, assessing the open–plan kitchen, dining, and family room. It’s finally coming together. Fresh flowers from the garden fill vases on the counter
The windows gleam, and through them, I can see the forested areas and mountains. Every view, every little touch, feels like it belongs to us:
Keeping myself busy with this house has become more than a distraction. Each polished surface, each thoughtfully placed piece, feels like a tiny triumph over the panic that keeps creeping in.
I need to focus on things I can control–the endless arrangement of pillows, the organization of drawers, the flow of each room. These are things that make sense. Things I can handle.
In two days, Jayden will be back, and every part of me aches for his presence here. The kids and I have been working non–stop, setting up their rooms, making sure there’s space for each of their personalities
to shine.
Bobby’s been a wonder, diving into landscaping and gardening with a passion I hadn’t seen in him before. He’s caring for the kitten too, handling the tiny furball with a tenderness that surprises me. It’s like his support cat.
Sarah’s been deep in her own world, creating decor pieces and hanging them around her room with the decorators. And Abby–well, she’s tagging along with anyone who’ll listen to her endless stream of
chatter.
This place is doing something to us, bringing us together in a way that feels almost magical. But in quiet ‘moments, that sinking feeling still clings, hidden beneath the excitement of this fresh start.
This baby has thrown everything I thought I knew into a dizzying blur. I want so badly to believe I can carry this pregnancy to term and welcome this new life into the world, safe and healthy.
But I know too much. The statistics, the risks, doubts in every corner of my mind.
14
The last time I was pregnant, it was nothing like this. I didn’t have these quiet, terrified conversations with myself about what might happen, about whether this baby was Jayden’s, or what it would mean if it
wasn’t.
There’s desperation here, an unspoken need for clarity, and it’s twisting itself around every thought. Staying busy is my only option but I probably should be resting.
I look over the master suite, where I’ve been slowly setting up for us. Making it feel like a retreat, a place to shut out the world and just breathe, together.
Jayden doesn’t know what he’s coming back to, how much I’m hoping he’ll walk through that door and find himself at home, truly at peace. But I wonder, will peace be what I have? Or will it disappear the
moment the blood test results come back?
If I can find out how far along I am before he gets here, that might give me enough answers to calm this whirlwind in my mind. To know it’s Jayden’s. Anything else would add layers of complications I’m not sure I can untangle.
1/3
+25 BONUS
385 Cottage Living
I’ve been clinging to the idea of sharing this news with him in a way that feels… joyful. I want that moment. I want to see his eyes light up when he finds out, not darken with doubt or worry.
Not for him to get eaten up by jealousy and rage. Not after the progress we’ve made.
“Mom!” Abby’s voice cuts through my thoughts, and I see her scampering toward me, her face bright with excitement, the kitten following in her wake like a tiny shadow. The cat adores all the kids.
She beams up at me, holding a mismatched bouquet of wildflowers she must have picked from the edge of the yard.
“Look! I found these for our new house,” she says proudly, handing me the flowers.
“Thank you, sweetheart. They’re perfect,” I say, bending down to give her a quick hug. She giggles, her joy infectious.
“Let’s go put them on the island counter and I think maybe we all need a snack.”
“Yum.” She says as she follows me out.
I tuck the flowers into a small vase on the counter and catch sight of Bobby through the window, working alongside the landscapers, helping trim some hedges and stake a few small shrubs.
He’s found his own little niche, and I feel a swell of pride seeing him take ownership of something with such confidence. This outdoor work is giving him a sense of purpose, a place to belong.
“You go get the other two, I’ll check Henry and then see what’s in the fridge.”
As I watch her run back out, my thoughts drift back to the tiny life growing inside me. I’d made peace with never having another child. After Abby, I’d let that dream slip away, convincing myself it was easier than holding on to false hope.
But now that it’s here, I feel selfish for even thinking I could carry this to term or long enough to birth safely. The doctors warned me, their words harsh but necessary. They’d told me it wasn’t likely I’d have a successful pregnancy.
And yet, here I am, daring to dream, even if it feels reckless.
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