Fifty Shades Darker (book 5) novel Chapter 116

“You know me well.” There’s humor in her tone.

Thank God.

“I’d like to know you better.”

“Back at you, Grey,” she says, and asks me what torments me when I sleep.

“The usual.”

She insists that I tell her more.

Oh, Ana, do you really want to know?

She remains silent. Waiting.

I sigh.

“I must be about three, and the crack whore’s pimp is mad as hell again. He smokes and smokes, one cigarette after another, and he can’t find an ashtray.”

Does she really want this shit in her head? The burn. The smell. The screaming.

She tenses beneath me.

“It hurt,” I mutter. “It’s the pain I remember. That’s what gives me nightmares. That, and the fact that she did nothing to stop him.”

Ana’s hold on me tightens.

I lift my head, meeting her eyes. “You’re not like her. Don’t ever think that. Please.”

She blinks a couple of times and I lay my head on her chest again.

The crack whore was weak. No, Maggot. Not now.

She killed herself. Abandoning me.

“Sometimes in the dreams she’s just lying on the floor. And I think she’s asleep. But she doesn’t move. She never moves. And I’m hungry. Really hungry. There’s a loud noise and he’s back, and he hits me so hard, cursing the crack whore. His first reaction was always to use his fists or his belt.”

“Is that why you don’t like to be touched?”

I close my eyes and hold her tighter. “That’s complicated.” I nuzzle the space between her breasts, surrounding myself with her essence.

“Tell me,” she asks.

“She didn’t love me.” She can’t have loved me. She didn’t protect me. And she left me. Alone. “I didn’t love me. The only touch I knew was…harsh. It stemmed from there.”

I never had a mother’s loving touch, Ana.

Never.

Grace respected my boundaries.

I still don’t know why.

“Flynn explains it better than I can.”

“Can I see Flynn?” she asks.

“Fifty Shades rubbing off on you?” I try to lighten the mood.

“And then some.” Ana squirms. “I like how it’s rubbing off right now.”

I love her levity, and if she can joke about this, there’s hope. “Yes, Miss Steele, I like that, too.” I kiss her and stare into the warm depths of her eyes. “You’re so precious to me, Ana. I was serious about marrying you. We can get to know each other then. I can look after you. You can look after me. We can have kids if you want. I will lay my world at your feet, Anastasia. I want you, body and soul, forever. Please think about it.”

“I will think about it, Christian. I will. I’d really like to talk to Dr. Flynn, though, if you don’t mind.”