Life After the Storm novel Chapter 83

Life is starting to feel like a blur. I accepted to give Ivan a chance, But I feel lost. I had reasoning behind my existence. But now I don't know my reasoning. I am an alpha I should be strong um, but I feel weak. I thought that I could forget about Landon and Jayden and just move on. The harder I try, the worse I feel. I know what needs to be done, but it will put everybody and danger.

I wanted to escape to a place that we would all be able to be safe and live a life that is without fear. I'm not sure if that is possible for me, I would be running from those that I love. The whole point of everything was always to keep Jayden safe, without him there is no point into anything I need to find him even if it kills me, I have to bring him back to where he belongs.

I'm not sure of what the pack is going to see of me as. I don't really care, though I can't be the alpha I need to be.  Not caring what anybody thinks. This is what has to be done for me to be able to live. I know my responsibility as an alpha is to protect those that can't protect themselves. But I also have to protect those that I love.

I get up from my bed and look out the window. I noticed the sun has not risen, yet it is pitch black out. I don't want to leave my pack without notice. But I also don't want to be stopped and talked out of my decision or made to feel bad about it. So, I decide to get dressed and head out the door. As much I don't want to, I know what I need to do. I need an Alpha for my pack while I'm gone, and there is no one other than Ivan that would be strong enough.

As I'm tiptoeing through the pack territory On my way to Ivan's cabin. Knowing I need to leave my pack with an alpha Even though I don't trust him, I can't leave them unprotected. I guess this would be the true test for him. If he can do this and protect my pack, then I'll promise to give myself to him.

I'll never be able to give myself fully to him because of the love that I have for Landon. But I will be his mate and bare his children if it means he will protect them while I'm gone. Then I won't have to feel so bad for leaving and not telling anyone. I need to do what is best for me, and that's to find Jayden.

I get to Ivan's cabin and knock on the door, but I hear nothing. I don't want to just walk into his cabin. I, know that he wouldn't be expecting me and might go into defense mode. So, I continue to knock, after 15 minutes I go to give up. Then all of a sudden, I hear twigs snapping and leaves ruffling.

I begin sniffing the air to see if it is a scent that I recognize. I then hide myself behind Ivan's cabin to see if whoever it is if they come out. I don't recognize the smell, but I then feel arousal running through my veins. Becoming confused, knowing that the scent isn't coming from Ivan. As they approach Ivan's cabin.

I can tell it's someone big, I watch as they go open his door. Fuck our they getting ready to attack Ivan. I rush to the door, getting ready to do whatever is necessary to protect my mate. But then as the light comes on I then realize that it is Ivan, confused on why I didn't recognize his scent. I become angry is he a trader how could I have ever consider giving him a chance of redemption, fuck I'm stupid?

I go and tackle him to the ground “What were you doing, are you planning an attack? Why couldn't I recognize your scent, I thought I could trust you, fuck I should have known better I'm so stupid.”

“No Lilly I was just going for a run, I like to run before the sun rises, I hide my scent, so I am not recognized by anybody else. I don't want people to know I'm alive.”

It makes sense that he wouldn't want people to know he's alive, but I'm so angry. I am curious on how he made his scent just disappear. To be honest, I didn't even know that it was possible. I need to know how he did it. So, I just ask him, “how did you make your scent just disappear like that.”