Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 40

Furyo (不慮)

Translation: Accidental

Origin: Japanese

40

I got myself busy and studied my lessons during the rest days of the week. I tried to avoid seeing him, I would eat dinner earlier than Tracy. I would do it on purpose or I would go out alone just to avoid seeing Nick. I keep on reminding myself that it's for the best. I know it's for the best. It might actually help me just a little bit to get over this feeling I have for him and I wish it would at least help.

Now based on the way things that happened last Wednesday, I doubt that he actually cares much for me. He didn't even try to call or text me after that night. He completely treated me like shit.

If I did something wrong that he didn't like, I expected that he would eventually explain it to me what it was or at least tell me what the hell upset him so much that night, but no he didn't bother telling me about it and I really hate it. The last thing I got from him was the slamming of his bedroom door after he fucked me, how he pushed me out and how he made me feel like he just had the need to drop me off the dorm cos he needed to.

Now I can see why he hasn't been with a girl for eight long years cos Nick is obviously clueless when it comes to how a guy should treat a girl. He's completely clueless when it comes to women. I thought he was a decent guy, turned out he's actually not at all. His actions sometimes contradicts his entire character. There are times where I would think that he's just playing a role where he's hiding his real identity beneath it. It's as if he's hiding away the pieces of the guy that he used to be eight years ago over the guy that he's trying to be now.

Good thing my drinking session with Tracy was moved, cos now that it's Friday, I really think I need to get wasted for the weekend. I know for sure I'm not a drinker but I really want to get drunk. I want to drown myself with alcohol. I want to forget what happened last Wednesday even just for one night. I want to forget how he treated me.

It was already 10:15PM in my watch.

"I love that skirt, Savannah." Tracy compliments.

"Thanks Trace."

"Try this lipstick. I swear it will look good on you." Tracy hands to me a dark red lipstick which she's also wearing.

"I doubt that." I say.

"Come on, we're going clubbing so put some lipstick on to brighten your dull face."

I grabbed it from her hand and stared at myself in front of the mirror. I started putting it then pressed my lips together. Tracy smiles at me, "See? You look ready."

I chuckled.

"Who's going with us?" I asked.

I was hoping that Nick wont be there cos if he will then I will completely be a goner. If I'm too drunk, I might say things not allowed to be said to him. Even though a part of me wants him to be there, so he could see how miserable I am after what he did but then that would embarrass myself.

"Clyde." she says.

I gazed at him, "Just Clyde?" I asked, as if I was uninterested on who's coming.

She nods. "Yeah, he said he doesn't want us to be in harm that's why he's going."

I smiled.

"Don't worry, he's just there to make sure we can go home safe." She answered.

"Isn't Nick throwing a party tonight?" I asked, trying to sound uninterested again.

"There's always a party at the frat house every weekend but tonight is our night together and my boyfriend is the sweetest for choosing us over his friends. So let's go?" She chimed.

I nod.

Both of us headed out of the dorm and saw Clyde arriving. The three of us hailed a cab and I don't know why Clyde doesn't have a car yet, he's old enough to own one. Tracy and Clyde were sitting at the backseat while I was on the passenger side. I wanted to be separated from them cos I'll eventually get jealous of how sweet they can be. I was still thinking about Nick and I'll be damned if I get too wasted later and I'll spill out the beans to Tracy and to Clyde.

We arrived outside a pub called The All Saints, the walls were black and red and the glass were even tainted black too. You couldn't see what's the inside of it. When we marched our way inside, it was packed. Clyde was leading the way, looking for a vacant table for the three of us to sit down and once we found one, we settled ourselves. I was just watching the other people getting drunk and getting dancey on every corner of the bar. It was pretty much loud in here and I don't think I can even hear myself. Clyde leaves the table all of a sudden.

"Clyde's just going to buy us some drinks." She says with a smile.

I smiled at her.

"Are you okay? You looked puzzled and problematic these past few days." She asks.

"I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

I nod. "Schoolwork."

I always blame schoolwork cos me being problematic is obviously related about school, and a little bit of Nick. I wish there's this strong alcohol where I can get drunk and then this pain I'm feeling could subside and just go away the next day.

She grabs my hand. "Don't kill yourself too much cos of studying. Tonight, we will enjoy."

I nod.

Clyde came back with a pitcher of alcohol and we started drinking right away. Clyde was the one filling the shots, he would drink first then Tracy would follow and then I'm the last one. We talked about a lot of stuff while having the session and I was glad I didn't slip about me and Nick, but when Tracy started to get dancey, I know that's the cue. She quickly pulled me up from my seat, leaving Clyde on our table.

Both of us headed to the dance floor and we started dancing. At first I was just swaying along but the alcohol was making me feel liberated and hot. I started grinding and swaying my body around, Tracy was even complementing my dance moves. I feel myself dancing against someone from behind me and I didn't care who it was as long as I'm dancing. My hands were raised to the ceiling and my eyes were shut close, I'm seeing Nick's face again and we were inside his bedroom. I'm seeing that night once again. I opened my eyes and I'm back in the bar. I'm back to dancing with Tracy and this random guy right behind me who's enjoying dry-humping my ass.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't agree to this deal I have with Nick. I shouldn't have said yes to it, I was too sure at first that I won't fall for him but now I'm eating my own words. I'm in love with Nick and it's hard to go back from the beginning. Now it's hard to forget about him. It's hard to just ignore what we have cos what we have is the best beautiful thing ever and at the same time an ugly thing that happened to me.

"Let's go back to the table?" Tracy asked, glaring at the man behind me.

But I still wanted to dance.

I nod anyways.

She moves closer to my ear, "That guy right behind you was hot."

"Then why did we leave?"

"Cos he looked like a maniac."

"Every guy in here is a maniac once influenced with alcohol."

Tracy laughs and agrees.

We marched our way back to the table and I'm already sweating. We continued drinking the remaining alcohol inside our pitcher and I know for sure that I'm already getting drunk as hell. And I'm also sure that Tracy was also drunk too.

"Your phone has been ringing like crazy while you were dancing." Clyde says.

I pointed to myself. "Mine?"

He nods. "Yeah, someone keeps calling you."

"Who was it?" I asked.

"I don't know. I didn't check it."

I quickly grabbed my phone out cos I'm sure as hell it's Cameron. He usually calls me on Fridays or on the weekends. As soon as I got my phone out, I shocked of what I saw.