My Most Precious Human novel Chapter 110

I wasn't certain how, but I forced myself to walk away from them. My feet turned around slowly while struggling to maintain balance. My heart dropped a thick curtain on my emotions. I stopped feeling anything at all. As I walked away, I met Mr. Parson's eyes. He grabbed my wrist worryingly.

"Are you all right, Lady Lilith?" The distorted sound of his voice hardly reached my ears.

Slightly curling up the corners of my lips was the only sort-of-tactful response I could give him. I walked past him and bumped into Beta Ari. His questionable gaze on me made me wonder what kind of expression I must have had. Unfortunately, the trick with the pretended smile didn't work on him.

I heard him say, "Wait here. I will find Alpha Draven."

Of course, I didn't wait. I could hardly control anything about myself. Seeing Draven could have only triggered the surfacing of the worst, weakest version of me. I kept walking forward. I knew that no one could fix my state. My state was absolutely unfixable. I knew it would be better to stay alone.

I didn't know what happened after that. I wasn't sure how I walked back to my chamber. The next thing I knew, I was standing on the balcony, blankly staring at the stars. Perhaps I should have cried, screamed, or cursed Sariel and Elora, but I didn't. I entered the nothing zone, a space of ideal emotional anesthesia. It was my temporary solution to resolve the pain I felt each time my love for Sariel tried to surface. It didn't disappear, but I came to the verge of sanity, and this was the only way I could save myself. Nonetheless, I knew this was a light bandage placed on the cut that needed stitches. I was also more than aware that I wouldn't survive another cut like this. If admitting it made me weak, then that was what I was.

As immature as it might sound, maybe I would have endured Sariel with Elora longer knowing that Sariel suffered just as painfully seeing me with another man. Yet he didn't bat an eye at the fact that I spent most of the evening with Alpha Draven. He acted as if he couldn't care less… I needed him to care, goddamn it! I needed to see it in his eyes… Just this once… One time would be enough…

It all came down to one question: would I be able to face the same situation again? As the query appeared in my head, my falling tears became an answer. I took out a suitcase in which Martha packed my things when I was moving here from Calvets' Castle. Then I opened the closet and started packing clothes that I could call casual, leaving the glamorous gowns, dresses, and female suits inside. I knew I should hurry. If I wanted to leave this place, I had to do it quietly and fast.

"Lilith, calm down and think…" My rationality acted, "Do you even have an idea where you want to go, or how you are going to get out of here?" I asked myself while reluctantly acknowledging my only possible way out.

I walked to the window and gazed outside. Over ten black vans were parked in the Palace's driveway. They belonged to the Moon Hill Pack. The wolves were already packing their things. From what I heard while sitting by their table at dinner, they were going to leave at 5 AM. It was nearly four o'clock. Would it be ok to go with them?

Let's face it, I was running away. I wasn't choosing a side; I wanted to leave the poisonous environment. I merely hated the fact that I was running from being protected by one man, hoping to get protection from another. That dependence was sickening. I might have no longer been physically weak, but I was lacking something very basic: a place I could call my own.

I closed my suitcase. Then I grabbed a few sheets of paper and wrote a letter to Martha, explaining why I couldn't stay here any longer. I thought that I owe her at least this much. I also wrote a letter to Kanan, explaining in detail how I was interpreting the meaning of the messages I decoded. I truly hoped that he could make some use of them. I felt guilty leaving all of it behind, but I had had enough of being a masochist.

I glanced out of the window. The wolves were gathering by their cars. It was now or never. I grabbed my suitcase and headed downstairs. I opened the east wing entrance, put out my luggage first, and then walked out, quietly closing the door behind.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Sariel suddenly appeared a few inches away from me.

He was heavily panting, as if he had spotted me from afar and was running towards me using his superspeed. Anger and confusion painted his expression. At that moment, I was grateful for my unemotional state of mind since it took away my perception of Sariel's intimidating glare.

The corners of my lips curled up vaguely while my eyes reflected the amount of pain I felt, saying, "I'm leaving."

I had never thought that any kind of word could taste this bitter. The unbearable flavor squeezed my throat.

"What?" Sariel's voice was trembling.

He locked his eyes on me, slightly shaking his head as if refusing to believe my words. And yet he forced me to say it again.

"I'm leaving, Sariel." This time my words sounded stronger, more decisive, but not a bit less painful.

"You can't be serious, Lilith." His sneering tone cut me like a knife, building anger within me.

I glared at him and started walking towards the driveway and the vans that were just around the corner, dragging my suitcase behind me. He grabbed my wrist, violently stopping me.

I hissed. "Let go of my hand."

"Stop it, Lilith. Stop acting like that. There should be a limit to your childish sulking-"

I slapped him. The sound of it echoed across the courtyard. My hit was hard. It came out with all the anger and pain I felt. Sariel tilted his head and rubbed the spot I hit. Still, I had the feeling that the one who truly suffered from the slap was me… I used the hand, trembling from hitting his face, to release myself from his grip and then continued walking towards the van.

"Lilith… why are you doing this?! You know how I feel about you!" Sariel's roar resembled the cry of a wounded animal.

My chest squeezed, and I was a second away from going back to him, but I knew this wasn't going to change anything. It would only hurt me more. I kept walking. He ran after me, passed me by, and then blocked my way.

"Stop, Lilith…" he muttered softly, grabbing me by my shoulders. "You are my concubine and the one I love…"

"Am I?" I asked, only adding my heart's torture.