Not Your Mate Anymore novel Chapter 30

Xander's POV 

Losing my mate was tough. I thought I'd never find anyone that could take her place by my side. I decided long ago that I'd never take a luna. 

Until I met Sabrina. 

From the minute I met her, I was drawn to her. She stirred something in me that was dead. Her beauty is out of this world but not only that, after she showed me her life, opened up to me, I was drawn to her. 

She had not only lost one but two mates and here she was ready to start her life again, even if she was on her own. 

My pack doesn't know this but there's been days where I wanted to end it all. Be with my mate because some days, I didn't want to enjoy life's pleasures without her. 

Then I'd take on different females to help me forget but I'd end up feeling guilty and even more lonely. Sabrina changed that for me. 

She was a breath of fresh air. She knew the type of guilt one goes through when meant for another. Besides all of that, I wanted to hold her and show her that when a true man makes a promise, he keeps it. 

I am a man of my word. 

I am ready to love her and her son. I am ready to call them mine, my family. I can deal with Max, he is the child's father but his days are done. He ruined a perfect family and now it was my turn to make it right. 

I looked at Sabrina as she watched Deacon and Max leave. I'm worried now. 

What if Max's change of tune will have her running back to him? 

Did our nights together not mean anything to her? May e they did then but now? 

This is her chosen mate. The man she gave her innocence to. 

Was I not obvious enough with my feelings for her and care for her son? 

I'm not ready to lose that boy. He's grown on me and my wolf. 

She turned to face me. 

"Don't worry Xander, I'm not going anywhere." Sabrina tells me. I wasn't convinced but I was not going to tell her that. 

"Oh I wasn't worried about that." I say taking a seat on the couch. 

Yeah, I was definitely too obvious with my feelings.

Sabrina sits next to me and places her hand in mine. 

"I've waited so long, well not that long but it feels like forever since Max and I were good. So I'm happy he wants a life with his son, I'm happy my son doesn't have to grow up feeling insecure that his father didn't want him. I was never going to be prepared enough to answer his questions about his father. Where would I start? He would blame himself and I just, I couldn't live with that. So yes, I'm happy Max wants to be a father." Sabrina says to me and I nod to show I'm listening and taking her words in. 

"What about you? Max wants you back too." I say and Sabrina let's out a loud sigh. 

"It would be so perfect to just go back with him and raise this child together. That's how it should've been. That's the way it was intended but he broke that. Max didn't just break my tea set Xander, he broke my heart. That's not something you can say sorry for and think everything will go back to normal." She says to me. 

I guess that was good enough for now but in the long run? What happens when Max is consistent about being a good father and mate? 

She looks at me, 

"Look, Sabrina, I feel like I'm in competition here and I won't win. This is the father of your child. Your chosen mate. The man you thought you'd build forever with and I'm just the new guy. I'm not trying to pressure you or anything but you need to know that I put myself out there by openly telling everyone that I will raise your son to take over after me. You didn't ask me to, I know, I did it willingly and I would do it again even after what just transpired here because I want to be with you. I care about that little Forrest and I want to do right by you." I say to her. I stand up and run my fingers through my hair. 

 

"Look, what I'm trying to say is, please don't try anything with me if you know deep down you'll end up going to Max. You need to seriously think about this because it's not just you and Adrastos in the middle of this, but me too. I won't rush your decision, like I'm not rushing you to be with me because I'm a patient man. All I'm asking from you is to be brutally honest with me when you've properly thought this over." I say.

Feeling defeated, drained and insecure,

I walk to the door and look back at Sabrina who met my eyes. 

"I'm not going back to Max, Xander. That much I do know." Sabrina says to me standing up and walking towards me. 

She places her open palm on my cheek and looks up at me, 

"I may not be ready to be emotionally involved with anyone but I know myself. I left Max. I could've stayed and I did for some time but enough was enough. If I leave here, it won't be because I'm going back to him." Sabrina tells me. 

"You might just have to." Lucas says breaking our almost kissable moment. 

_________________________________________ 

Sabrina's POV 

I could tell Xander was struggling with this. I liked him, I liked him a lot and it was time to come to terms with my feelings. I've been blaming the imprint for how many days now? 

Maybe the imprint was to blame but the claw marks were no longer on me, which means that all these feelings were my own. Not influenced. 

What Max did to me was painful, emotionally draining. He left me to be lonely and even though he could feel everything I was feeling, he chose to ignore that. He chose to take someone else and let her in on something very sacred. 

A spiritual connection meant for only him and I. He marked her knowing she would know how I was feeling and she added on to my agony. 

Max knew this mate thing was everything to me. Everything. 

His jealousy and anger led him to treat me like I meant nothing and who's to say he won't do that again? He changed the law to get me out because he didn't approve of how I acted. He changed the law because his brain can't seem to understand the power that flows through me, because he can't understand it, he rejects it. 

He had his entire pack turn their back on me. A pregnant shewolf.

A new mother who knew nothing of pregnancy. I didn't have my mother to guide me and my nana was too ashamed to face me. 

I'm actually angry but Xander doesn't deserve to feel that. My anger is not directed to him. 

He has been nothing but amazing. Spending every day with Adrastos and I. He allows me to be me. To run free in his pack with all my power. 

Athena has never felt so free. Yes, uncle Deacon said not to hide my power but look at what it did to Max and I. 

Here, with Xander, I could be myself. He wanted me to be myself. 

All of me. 

So when I saw how Max being here and wanting me back was troubling him, I took the opportunity to reassure him that I wasn't going back to Max. I would not do that to myself. 

Max would have to suffer for all eternity like Percy. They made their choices and with a girl like me, there's no going back. 

I placed my hand on his cheek, feeling a little stubble starting to grow. I like it.

I looked into his eyes, 

"I may not be ready to be emotionally involved with anyone but I know myself. I left Max. I could've stayed and I did for some time but enough was enough. If I leave here, it won't be because I'm going back to him." I say to him.