Chapter 71
Chapter 71
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I don’t know how long I was in that state, hugging myself in some corner of this big house. The tears wouldn’t stop spilling. the shaking wouldn’t stop and there was this weight on my chest that just wouldn’t cease.
The exhaustion I felt made it seem like it had been a very long time, but maybe I was just feeling everything finally catching up with me. Because it has been a lot. From standing in front of so many people in the Academy to suddenly being here, mated and marked and in a totally different place than I thought I would be.
And then this.
Her.
I did not know what to think.
I did not even want to think.
Thinking hurt.
Thinking about them hurts.
‘Vareesa?”
I looked up but I couldn’t see clearly as the tears blurred my vision, but I knew that voice. My heart beats for that voice. I knew him because he’s always been there for me. The good and the bad times. Wiping the tears away, I get to see a hint of hose baby blue eyes that I’ve come to adore.
‘What happened?” He came to my side almost immediately, dropping to his knees and pulling me into a tight embrace. ‘You’re so cold.”
The tears only poured even more at his soft words and the warmth he gave. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t form the words.
When I don’t respond, he doesn’t push for answers, merely holding me closer to him. “Everything is going to be okay.”
With Benedict, it always feels like everything will get better or the problems aren’t as big as they seem. His presence is calming and reassuring, like nothing was too big for him.
Maybe that’s why he’s the Beta.
He’s dependable and a sure thing.
‘Do you want me to get the Alpha?” Benedict offers quietly.
I shook my head. “No. I’m not ready to face him.”
He hesitates, the slightest pause that reminds me of our position and how inappropriate this was, until he damns it all and tightens his arms around me. “Okay. We can stay right here.”
It was horrible to imagine and wasn’t fair to Sebastian, but I wonder then what would have happened if Benedict really claimed me that day. If he really stood up and called for me. The foolish part of me knows I would have agreed I would have fought the world to agree but that’s not what happened and now here we are. Launa and a Beta
Titles aside, we were still the same.
The lost girl and the boy that took her out of it.
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Chapter 71
But nothing would come of it, for that was another life, a different time.
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“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I said through my sniffling, pulling away from him and giving us a little
space.
At the distance I put between us, his eyes glanced down at me, a flash of pain glowing in his eyes before it was gone. “Are you sure you don’t want to wait for the Alpha-”
“Benedict, please. I can’t see him right now.” I begged, biting my lower lip nervously… desperately. “I don’t want to know yet.”
“What do you-” Suddenly, my words seemed to answer the questions that he hadn’t asked, his eyes refocusing. “Oh.”
And I know he knows what happened or at least has an idea now. “Yes.”
He stared into my eyes, his expression guarded. “What did she say?”
The more accurate question was, what has Sebastian failed to tell me? But I stayed quiet, utterly spent.
Benedict frowns, looking very conflicted. “Vareesa, it’s not what you think.”
I didn’t want to hear it. Not right now when I think I might explode. “No. Let me just… get myself together again.”
“Okay.” He helped me up, blue eyes still looking unsure, but he was determined and willing enough to do anything for me. Like always. “What if I took you to see the lake? To get some air?”
My knees shook as I stood but Benedict kept me steady. “I don’t know,”
“And if we see her, I’ll throw her off the mountain.” He says with a small smile.
I looked around the house, realizing I was in a small nook, hidden between two large couches. I can’t even remember how I got here, but now that I’m standing up, seeing the house and seeing Sebastian all over it, the need to get away was staggering. “Is it far?”
Benedict smiles, the same smile that warms my heart. “No.”
I hesitate, questioning the warmth in my chest. A different kind of worry came to me and it was all because of Benedict. “Maybe we shouldn’t.”
Stunned, Benedict visibly swallows. “Are you scared I might do something?”
The answer was instant. “No.”
“What is it then?” He asks, his voice so soft that I almost miss it. “Because you look like you’re afraid that I’ll do something to
you.
“I don’t… I don’t trust us.” I said honestly, my eyes fluttering closed. “We’re friends but how is this better than what Sebastian. is doing with that girl?”
“He’s not doing anything,” Benedict stops, seeing my expression and quickly changes the topic. “He’s my Alpha. I would never do anything to hurt him, even if it’s hurting me.”
And I could see it.
The hurt that he’s been holding back.
I suddenly remember how he walked out of the Academy as I begged him to stay, how he looked so distraught, how stone
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Chapter 71
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cold he was when he came into Sebastian’s room when I was first claimed, how he tried to ignore me so many times until… until he saw I needed him.
Each time he came to help me, despite how much it hurt him.
There was one thing I wanted to know and this would either give us the closure we need or give us more pain. It would probably be both. “Benedict, I need to ask you something.”
“What is it?” He asked despite sounding like he didn’t want to know my question.
“Were you going to claim me in the Academy?” I could see it so clearly, the way he was standing up, the way his hand was out, his lips parted as if saying my name. “Was it all in my mind or were you choosing me too?”
Benedict sucked in a pained breath. A second went by, followed by another and another before he managed to nod. The motion was so hesitant, so tentative that I barely saw it. He does not say anything out loud. I doubt he ever will.
I held my breath, knowing my next question. “Did he stop you?”
Blue eyes looked everywhere but at me. “He never said the words.”
“But he did.” It wasn’t even a question anymore. I just… knew. “Sebastian stopped you.”
Benedict swallows again, his jaw tight and his throat constricting. “He wanted you.”
“And you chose your loyalty to your Alpha.” Over me. I almost added but held myself back.
Apparently, I didn’t have to say it because he already knows. “Vareesa,”
I played with my hands, my heart beating wildly on my chest. “No, it’s admirable if not for my expense. He’s your Alpha. I understand that.”
“But I wanted you.” He was whispering but his feelings never sounded so loud. It shook me like it was shaking him. “I had it all planned out, to choose you. I even told everyone, I even told him. You and I… we had a connection. Almost instantly. And I knew it was you. I knew I was going to claim you.”
He stops and when he opens his mouth again, I am left feeling like there’s a hole in my chest.
“Until I couldn’t. Until I didn’t.”
I managed a sad smile. This did not help. This made it worse. “Maybe we’re real destined soulmates in another life.”
“Maybe. I don’t believe in those things. They’re myths and legends, but this, you, I’ll believe that.” And the way he says it, it was like shooting a rocket in my heart,
The smile fell from my lips as my heart began to ache. “In another life. A life where we choose each other.”
His blue eyes shined bright with meaning. “I think about it sometimes… most times.”
“What? About being mates?” I wanted to stop us then, to stop this conversation before it was too late, but I think we were already long past that.
It was his turn to smile sadly. “What if I claimed you that day and we ran away together?”
I shook my head, laughing a little. “We wouldn’t get far. He’d kill us.”
Benedict and I weren’t touching, a couch away from each other, but the way he looked at me made it seem like we were, his
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