Alpha alec's redemption (Sadie) novel Chapter 373

My gaze sweeps across the courtyard, taking in the faces, the laughter, and the sense of peace that still feels surreal.

And then my eyes find her.

Xena.

I can’t bring myself to call her Lola, just as she can’t bring herself to call me Sadie. To everyone else, we are Lola and Sadie but to each other, we remain Xena and Nyx.

She leans against an oak pillar at the far end of the courtyard, dressed simply. She looks healthier now, stronger and softer around the eyes but guilt still clings to her like a second skin she can’t shed.

She’s secluded herself. Only events like this draw her out. Of course, I visit her; Mother does too, but none of it has been enough to pull her free from the cycle of pain and self-reproach.

Sometimes, when I stay the night, I wake to her screaming. She always tells me it’s nothing. A bad dream. But I know better. It’s the memories. The things she did and the lives she took that haunt her. That rises up to claim her sleep.

The past refuses to loosen its grip and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to say or how to help her heal. She carries so much guilt, so much self-loathing, that I don’t know if it will ever fully release her.

Her gaze lifts and meets mine and for the first time since we arrived, she smiles.

I smile back and then I walk toward her.

“You need to let loose,” I say, brushing my hands over her shoulders.

Her gaze sweeps the clearing, guarded. “No thanks.”

“Come on, Xena.” I soften my voice. “You can’t keep yourself closed off forever. You’ve been given a second chance; don’t let the past keep you trapped. You need to let go. No one blames you for what happened.”

She looks down, swallowing hard. I catch it, the flicker of guilt that never quite leaves her eyes. She doesn’t know how to let it go. She doesn't know how to forgive herself. In her mind, she’s still the one at fault. Still convinced everyone else is judging her, hating her.

“I—I—”

I don’t let her finish.

I thread my fingers through hers, grounding us both. “No one here is thinking about the past,” I tell her gently. “No one is holding onto it but you. You’re still living there, Xena and while you do, the present is slipping right past you.”

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