ASHER
I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew I couldn’t stay in that room. Not with her staring at me like that. Not with everything inside me cracking wide open.
So I kept walking, down the hallway, down the stairs, through the house that now felt too quiet, too heavy with what hadn’t been said.
Leon was warm against my chest. His little hand gripped the back of my neck like it belonged there. Like he knew. Like he had known all along.
I don’t remember sitting down.
I don’t remember grabbing a glass, or finding the cookies, or setting him on the kitchen island beside me.
But somehow, we ended up there. Just us. My son and I...
He sniffled once, rubbing at his nose with the back of his sleeve, and I handed him a napkin.
He took it like he was used to taking care of himself. That broke something in me; this was proof that he wasn't a baby. He didn't get a chance to need me or rely on me....
We didn’t talk much at first. He dipped a cookie in milk, took a bite, and stared at it like it was the most important thing in the world.
I watched him. Every move. Every blink. Every breath.....I was memorizing him.
And when he glanced up and caught me staring, he smiled again. That small smile that made my chest ache.
“I have never seen you before,” he said, his voice small but sure. “Right?”
I shook my head slowly. “No.”
"Do you live here with us now?"
"... No." I swallowed.
“Are you going to?” His question pierced me in a place I didn’t know existed.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Do you want me to?”
He didn’t answer right away. Just took another bite of his cookie. Then, after chewing and swallowing like he’d given it very serious thought, he nodded.
“I think so.”
I laughed quietly, unsteady. “I think so, too.”
We sat in silence again. And I felt her. Ariella. Not physically, but I felt her, just outside the doorway. I knew she was there, watching. Part of me wanted her to stay away. The other part wanted to pull her into this kitchen, into this moment, and make her explain how she could possibly keep this from me.
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