Daddy Alpha I’m In Heat (Lily and Connor) novel Chapter 76

~Connor~

Lily didn’t say anything right away. She just watched me, her expression soft but unreadable, like she was still trying to piece together the version of me that had shown up. I could see the question in her eyes. Did I come back because I missed her?

Or did I come back because I was drowning in guilt? The truth was both. I missed her like breath, like blood, like my entire existence had collapsed without her. And yes, I carried guilt so heavy it nearly crushed me every day. But beneath all of that, I still loved her. I had never stopped loving her.

“I didn’t know what I was doing,” I said eventually. “I thought was helping. I thought I was giving you what you needed. But all I was doing was taking. I kept taking from you when you didn’t have anything left to give. And I hate myself for that.”

She let out a breath then.

“I wanted to hate you,” she said finally, her voice gentle but honest. “There were days I told myself that if I ever saw you again, I would scream. I would spit in your face. I would make you feel everything I felt.”

My heart clenched, but I didn’t interrupt. I didn’t defend myself. I just nodded, because I deserved it.

“But I couldn’t,” she continued, her eyes never leaving mine. “Even when everything was dark. Even when I didn’t know who I was anymore. There was still a part of me that remembered your touch. Your voice. The way you used to hold me like I was something worth saving.”

Her voice broke then, just slightly, and her hand tightened around mine.

“I wanted to hate you,” she repeated, a tear slipping down her cheek, “but I couldn’t. Because I loved you too much.”

I don’t know how I managed to stay on my knees. My entire body felt like it was collapsing under the weight of those words. Love. She said it like it still lived in her, like it had survived the wreckage, like it was still buried somewhere beneath all the pain. And it destroyed me. It healed me. It tore me open in a way I didn’t think was possible.

“I still love you,” I said, the words coming out before I could stop them. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t expect anything. But I needed you to hear it. I still love you. I never stopped.”

Lily closed her eyes for a moment. I didn’t know what she was thinking. I didn’t know if she was praying or remembering or just trying to breathe. But when she opened them again, I saw something in her gaze that hadn’t been there before.

“It was all too much for me. We lost our baby” she said slowly.

“Everything came at once, and I didn’t know where to put any of it. I tried to hold it together, Connor. I really did. I told myself to be strong. I told myself to breathe through it. I told myself that if I just tried harder, I would be fine.”

She shook her head gently, her gaze still fixed somewhere past my shoulder, like she was watching the memories instead of me.

“But I lost it,” she continued. “I felt like I was drowning and everyone kept asking me to swim faster. I tried my best, okay. I tried to control my emotions. I tried to be calm. I tried to make sense of what I was feeling. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”

Her grip on my hand tightened.

“Every feeling was loud,” she said.

She finally looked at me then, and her eyes were glassy.

“I didn’t go crazy because I was weak,” she said. “I went quiet because I was overwhelmed. I went away because my heart couldn’t carry everything anymore.”

“I know,” I whispered. “I see it now.”

She nodded, like that answer mattered more than any apology.

“I needed peace,” she said. “Not pressure. Not confusion. Just peace. And when I couldn’t find it anywhere, my mind tried to protect me the only way it knew how.”

She exhaled slowly, and for the first time since I walked into that room, she leaned toward me instead of away.

“I am not broken forever,” she said softly. “But I was broken then. And I needed help, not more.

I bowed my head, pressing my forehead gently to her knee, not as a plea, not as a demand, but as an acknowledgment.

“I understand,” I said. “And I am here now, the right way. On your terms. At your pace.”

Her fingers brushed through my hair again, tentative but real.

“That is all I need,” she said. “Just don’t disappear again.”

I lifted my head and met her eyes, letting her see every promise I could not afford to break.

“I won’t,” I said. “Not this time.”

“Kiss me,” she said.

I blinked, stunned for a moment, because I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right. But then I saw it in her eyes. She wasn’t uncertain. She wasn’t lost. She knew exactly what she was asking. And God, I wanted to give it to her. I wanted to give her everything.

“Lily…” I started, but my voice cracked.

“Kiss me,” she said again, and this time it wasn’t a plea. It was a command.

My control snapped.

I surged forward and crashed my mouth onto hers like I’d been starved for a year–and maybe I had. Her lips parted immediately, and she met me with a hunger, like something inside her had been waiting for this moment to come back to life.

I cupped her face in both hands, fingers sinking into her hair as I kissed her like I was trying to

breathe her back into my soul.

“Fuck, Lily,” I gasped between kisses, my lips brushing hers, my voice thick with everything I was feeling. “You’re going to kill me.”

She pulled me closer, her body rising out of the chair just enough for her chest to press into mine.

Her hands were on my jaw now, trembling slightly but sure, and her lips dragged across my skin

like she was memorizing the taste of me all over again.

“I want to feel something real,” she breathed. “I want to feel you.”

Then she said it.

“I want to feel your dick.”

“Say it again,” I demanded against her neck, my voice rough, my cock throbbing through the layers of fabric that still separated us.

She gasped as my mouth kissed down her throat, and she reached for me with greedy fingers,

tugging at the hem of my shirt, grinding up against the thick length pressing into her center.

“I want your dick, Connor,” she said again, louder this time, filthier. “I want to feel it slide between my thighs. I want you to fuck the memory back into me. I want you to ruin me all over again.”

I groaned and bit down gently on her collarbone, licking the spot after, my hands already pulling her shirt up, exposing the soft skin of her stomach, her ribs, the underside of her breasts.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re asking for,” I growled against her skin, even as my mouth kissed lower, even as my hands slipped beneath her waistband and gripped her ass.

“I do,” she gasped. “I know exactly what I’m asking for. I want it rough. I want it deep. I want you to make me scream again.”

Her hips rocked up into mine, and I felt it then–the slick heat already soaking through her panties, pressed right against the bulge in my pants.

I growled into her neck.

“Then spread your fucking thighs. On the chair now”

“Oh my God, Connor,” she moaned, her voice breaking as I circled her clit once–just once–and she arched off the chair like I had plugged her straight into a live wire.

“I’ve barely touched you,” I growled, shoving two fingers into her so fast she gasped, her cunt clenching around me immediately like she’d been waiting for this all year. “And you’re already this

wet?”

She whimpered, her hands digging into the armrests, her thighs shaking as I curled my fingers deep inside her and pressed against that spot that made her lose every shred of control.

“I missed you,” she choked out. “I missed this. Missed the way you fuck me like you own me.”

“I do own you,” I bit out, dragging my mouth up her inner thigh. “And this pussy? It belongs to me. Say it.”

“It’s yours,” she whimpered. “Fuck, Connor, it’s always been yours!

Her voice broke when I curled my fingers again. Her whole body jerked. Her legs started to tremble. Her hips stuttered. Her eyes flew wide..

And then she screamed.

“Oh fuck–fuck! I’m gonna–I’m gonna–Connor!”

She came so hard I felt it all–every pulse–as her pussy spasmed around my fingers and squirted.

All over me.

She was soaking everything, and she didn’t even care. She was moaning like she’d been possessed, her thighs shaking, her hands gripping the chair like it was the only thing keeping her grounded as I kept fucking her through it.

“You just squirted all over me,” I growled, dragging my mouth up to hers. “God, baby, look at you. So fucked out already and I haven’t even given you my cock.”

She was crying now, but not from pain. From pleasure. From the kind of relief that made her whole body let go. And I kissed her, before standing up and yanking my pants down with one hand.

My cock sprang free, thick, hard, leaking for her.

Her eyes widened the second she saw it, like she forgot how big it was.

“I need it,” she breathed. “I need it now, Connor. I want to feel you stretch me open again. I want to feel you inside me. I want to feel everything.”

I gripped her hips and dragged her closer.

“You’re sure?” I asked. Not because I had doubts. But because I needed her to say it one more time.

She looked at me like I was the only thing that had ever made sense.

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